~ archived since 2018 ~

Approach anxiety? How to overcome

thecaringowner · 2022-01-02T16:17:55+00:00

New to dating and have some approach anxiety. What are some ways to overcome it and how did you all break through the approach anxiety?...

thecaringowner

January 2, 2022

3 upvotes

/r/seduction

Archived from /r/seduction

r/seduction is a subreddit for dating help, with focus on how to get something started up, whether the goal is casual sex or a relationship.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill subreddits and blogs. This page is our copy of the original post.

/r/seduction archive

Download the post

Want to save the post for offline use on your device? Choose one of the download options below:

PDF TXT EPUB

Support the archive

Everything here was supposed to disappear. Banned subreddits, deleted communities, cancelled blogs — much of what is archived here survives nowhere else.

It stays free — no paywall, no account — for the next man who comes looking, the way it was free for you.

I pay for the servers, the storage and the bandwidth myself. If you want this record still standing in ten years, become one of the people who keeps it online.

Support the archive

Post Information

Title	Approach anxiety? How to overcome
Author	thecaringowner
Upvotes	3
Comments	40
Date	January 2, 2022 4:17 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/rucxxv/approach_anxiety_how_to_overcome/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/approach-anxiety-how-to-overcome.1269825 https://theredarchive.com/post/1269825

Comments

[–]JZheng03 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (36 children) | Copy Link

it doesn't exist. What exists is you thinking that it is unnatural to go up to a random person and start a conversation. It's not.

If someone ever asks why I'm talking to them I just reply either "geez, you don't come up much do you" if it's a bitch response or, "I kinda find it hard to communicate with only hand gestures".

I mean, how are you going to meet new people if you don't speak to them?

Also, what if your current friends all die and now you have to make new friends, you just gonna stay inside and be a loner your whole life? Ok, that's unrealistic but u get what I mean.

None of us were born with approach anxiety, it's only because in 3rd grade you got teased by your friends cuz you liked little Susie and ever since then, you decided to go celibate.

It's just stupid.

If someone fucks with you, just look at them with a confused look as if saying "you really haven't matured since puberty have you"

Like come on, tell me your excuse for fearing approaching and I'll give you a counter-excuse for why that's bullshit.

Honestly, you can do this exercise by yourself but I'm actually curious so do leave a comment of what your reasons are.

[–]thecaringowner 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]JZheng03 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

If you don't get rejected, how would you know if you suck?

The girl is literally doing you a favour if she rejects you because she is basically saying to you that your game is shit and you still got a load of shit to learn.

I think of rejection as kind of a benchmark test to see if my skills in game are up to standard and if it's not, then I go and improve it, simple as that.

You don't need to take it personally.

As with not knowing what to say, this is a common problem with beginners and all is say to that is to learn a bunch of canned routines and lines.

Here's a quick and easy trick to get into conversation: comment on the first unusual thing you see.

"Oh my god, that's the third time I've seen someone wear that shirt, where did you get it from?"

"You honestly look tired as fuck, did you go to bed at like 4am or something?"

"Do you always wear your hair like that?"

"Cool shirt, I think I seen it in Primark before."

Ok, just realized all of these except the first one was a neg, but that was completely unintentional.

Here's the thing, you don't even need to be flirty, just SPEAK.

If you have nothing to say, then why are you there in the first place?

You don't go approach someone to start a conversation with them, you approach someone because you already HAVE something you want to say to them.

When you get good enough, you will naturally think in terms of flirty lines and your personality will naturally become flirty so don't worry too much about it in the beginning.

[–]excentrik-art 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (32 children) | Copy Link

[–]JZheng03 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (31 children) | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (30 children) | Copy Link

[–]JZheng03 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (29 children) | Copy Link

Ummm...if you're so insecure, how do you have the confidence to admit it?

I am far from good looking and I'm average at best, and as for being really social, I am also an introvert myself.

How did you think confidence came to be? Did you think a charismatic guy have never been teased or challenged before?

No, it's the way you think about tough situations and deal with them that makes confident guys seem the way they are.

Back when they were young and got teased on their looks or fashion, instead of giving in and accepting it, they created their own reality for themselves and worked on a comeback to use the next time it happened again.

Most people who aren't confident never bothered with this and just accepted what other people told them about themselves.

Positive reinforcement does not happen for confident people because simply by being confident and grounded in their beliefs, they are of course going to be challenged, even more so than those who are more agreeable in nature.

I mean, how are you going to argue against someone if they just agree with whatever you say?

With people that are confident, it's a decision they've made consciously that they will not accept being pushed around and have beliefs imposed onto them. They fight it instead, not with aggression, but with wit, humour and manipulating social dynamics.

Anyone can become confident if they make the decision today that they won't change their own beliefs until they are proven wrong.

It's all a frame battle and in most cases, there is no right or wrong frame.

[–]JZheng03 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–]JZheng03 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]JZheng03 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]JZheng031 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]JZheng031 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]JZheng031 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]JZheng031 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

Ummm...if you're so insecure, how do you have the confidence to admit it?

I am far from good looking and I'm average at best, and as for being really social, I am also an introvert myself.

How did you think confidence came to be? Did you think a charismatic guy have never been teased or challenged before?

No, it's the way you think about tough situations and deal with them that makes confident guys seem the way they are.

Like I said, the difference is that confident guy received positive affirmations or enough goodwill from women to cancel the negatives experiences out. Sure, a confident guy will be challenged, everyone is, but there a number of successes or positive experiences that override that.

Back when they were young and got teased on their looks or fashion, instead of giving in and accepting it, they created their own reality for themselves and worked on a comeback to use the next time it happened again.

Most people who aren't confident never bothered with this and just accepted what other people told them about themselves.

Positive reinforcement does not happen for confident people because simply by being confident and grounded in their beliefs, they are of course going to be challenged, even more so than those who are more agreeable in nature.

They will also just get women who come up to them or give signs or make it easier for them. When you get that being confident is natural bc you have a legitimate reason for confidence.

You can be totally resolute in your beliefs or interests or whatever, but that doesn't always pertain to women. The two are totally different aspects and if all it took was holding strong in your own identity, I'd never have an issue with women. It's logistics. You're either attractive or you aren't.

With people that are confident, it's a decision they've made consciously that they will not accept being pushed around and have beliefs imposed onto them. They fight it instead, not with aggression, but with wit, humour and manipulating social dynamics.

Anyone can become confident if they make the decision today that they won't change their own beliefs until they are proven wrong.

It's all a frame battle and in most cases, there is no right or wrong frame.

A decision? I'm someone who's very much their own person. I like weird music, off-kilter obscure films, and just different things in general, and I've never hid or shyed away from them. My beliefs have always been my own, and I've never conformed. I've never had an issue talking to guys, but with women it's different. Despite being 6'3, grooming and having face and hair regimes, being in great shape, dressing way better than any straight man should, and actually going out, women aren't interested in me. In a case where you've done all you can, and you're still not noticed, you can't choose to be confident in that regard. How when you have nothing to show for it? You can be confident without a reason.

[–]JZheng03 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (12 children) | Copy Link

[–]JZheng03 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

🤦🏻‍♂️you really should go study some theory.

Go read The Mystery Method because let me tell you, IOIs don't occur until you have approached AND flirted with the girl.

It really seem like you haven't done any research or experimentation into this and you are already making wild statements as if its a fact.

This is like saying you can prove a theory without using any data to back it up with.

If you haven't approached a girl, how would you know how she would respond?

Girls literally never make the first move, it's not in their psychology and they don't ever feel natural doing it. I have personally asked dozens of girls this question and they all respond the same. Now that's data.

Mate you have so much to learn and if you don't change your fucked up mindset soon and accept the reality of things instead of going off what you have been previously told or a few experiences in the past you've had, you are going to lose out on a lot of things.

And I'm not even talking about just getting girls here, game applies to so much of life. I use it to pass job interviews, I use it whenever I sell to a customer, I use it in my own business.

Confidence is a skill you already have, you've just gotten rusty with it over time.

[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]JZheng031 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]JZheng031 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Ok, you know what, I give up.

There is just too many of the same objections and mindset issues here.

I actually turned out to be wrong. I could probably sit here and tell you all the reasons why your way of thinking is wrong and still you'll either revert back to a previous excuse or, just come up with some other excuse that has no correlation with reality.

Here's what I'm gonna tell you: you either go read books like The Game and The Mystery Method, watch videos by Todd V Dating and look at his infields and go try out their techniques as a social experiment and come back to tell me that I was right all along, or you can sit on your ass thinking you are a loser for the rest of your life.

The choice is up to you.

If you're depressed suck it up and take some alcohol if you have to because it's only going to be temporary.

All of your ancestors had been laid except for you so bad genetics just doesn't make any sense as an excuse but I'm sure you'll still find a way to make it make sense.

[–]thelambofdeth1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

lol I don't understand why you lot have to try and project. Like just be happy that whatever you do works for you and stop thinking it'll just align for other people. That's not how it works. If it did, every man ever would just be getting laid.

Dude, how is reading or watching videos from either rich, charismatic or good-looking guys going to help me? I can't just do what they do and I wouldn't garner the same reaction, anyway. I gain nothing from proving what I already know right, except a lot of rejections and wasted time. No reason to expose myself to that lol.

Yeah, I go to bars every weekend and drinking hasn't made being social there any easier, let alone anywhere else. The game is just rigged for some of us, and for this it is, they'll just never understand.

Also I have no idea what my ancestors getting laid has to do with anything. The world is much different now and far too much is predicated on looks and women hold too much power in the selection process with far too many options, that's makes them more shallow than they've ever been.

[–]JZheng031 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

that's cool man.

You do you.

Its not like I can force you to do anything but if you really can't even take a chance with yourself and try something out, that's your own problem.

I've told you exactly what to do, where to access more information, reasons why your thinking is wrong, and all you had to do is just take the first step and go read a book and watch a few videos and if you can't even do that, well, there's probably nothing else I can say to change that.

The solution is right in front of you if you want it and if you don't, then that's fine as well.

As the old saying goes "when a student is read to learn, the teacher will appear before them"

Good luck to you man, and I really hope you take my advice and try it out because I was in exactly the same boat as you this time last year and now I've completely changed my own life around. I've had experiences that I never even thought I would ever have and I'm grateful for myself for taking the leap of faith to try something out.

[–]thelambofdeth1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]JZheng031 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]JZheng031 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]SpartacusSystem 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Asperger1001 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]filipvajdik 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link