So I was out on a tinder date last weekend and I got to talking with her about messages on tinder. I was saying how female friends have told me guys just say "Hey wanna fuck?" and it's offputting. This girl had an interesting philosophy - she said if both parties are looking to get laid, then why not? It screens out all the ones who don't want to have sex.

I thought this was a great, refreshingly straightforward way of looking at the situation, so I decided to test this out a bit (to the detriment of my mental health). I didn't exactly say "Hey wanna fuck?" but I said "you're cute, I wanna meet you". I got some replies, and then later on I'd try to sexualise with "that's sexy" or "we can roleplay" etc. - like overtly sexual kind of texts. Does not seem to be working that well. On several occasions, I got ghosted when I got too overtly sexually suggestive.

What is the general take on this? I'm guessing if you're a male model looking kind of guy you can get away with it. I suppose I'm not - I would say I'm above average looking but perhaps my pics aren't the best. In that case, is it better to not be sexual? Just tease and banter, but keep it non-sexual? My working hypothesis right now is that, when you get sexual you force a decision from the girl as to whether or not you are sex-worthy in her eyes in that moment. Whereas for me, and probably most guys, we do our best work in person when it comes to turning the girl on.