As a beginner going out as much as possible, I feel like I'm treading water without a clear sense of how to get where I want to be. How do I make the learning process more efficient? [Details inside]

ghost20063 · 2013-07-08T01:58:17+00:00

Nah, don't try to get laid. Just go out and have fun. What you need to do now is learn about yourself. What do you like to do? In what situations are you most comfortable? Least comfortable? Do you care about becoming comfortable in any situation? Work on that.

Talk to people, guys and girls.

What I've found is that it's best to just go out with the intention to have fun. If you see a girl you think is attractive, talk to her. Learn about her. If she seems like someone you want to continue to know then do that. If she feels the same way, you'll know and all the kissing and sex and what the fuck ever else will be a breeze.

Just chill, you got this bro!

It's like The Matrix: don't try and bend the spoon. Instead, remember there is no spoon.

Now, I need to get out of here and follow my advice.

2013-07-08T12:40:34+00:00

What I recommend you do is small chunk your "endgame." The idea of "just having fun" was hardly satisfying when I knew deep down I wanted to be fucking the girls I was meeting/taking out and me "having fun" was just an excuse to not have to escalate. I'm a long time introvert and honestly it'd probably be more of a fucking challenge to go out for the express purpose of having fun rather than going hard and approaching and trying to close girls I'm interested in, so personally I don't relate too well with the "go out and have fun" mindset, though I do see the value in it.

What I'd do was rather than set the end goal to have sex, I'd set it to something VERY easy and appropriate for the level that I was at. The goal would also ALWAYS within my control and more that I attempted it rather than succeeded. When I first started out I was very passive and struggled with displaying my intent, so my first goal was frequent unintentional kino. Then I tried to be very direct verbally about my interest. When that was easy I'd set the goal to try to hold her hand. After that it'd be to attempt to pull back to my room to chill. Then get in to her space near her face to set up a kiss. Then it'd be to actually try and kiss her. Then try kiss her without the extensive set up. Every step it'd be less of getting her to comply and more that I made the escalation attempt.

Just set the end goal for earlier in the interaction so you have something to shoot for that's within grasp, and push it further along as you progress. Personally I don't think it's productive to think about "just have fun" with no direction, and it's not harmful at all to tack on a small escalation goal on top of it so long as it's something that's within your control.

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-07-08T02:17:45+00:00

You should focus on having fun while learning the skills you need to get girls. You should not focus on the endgame.

jspliff1 · 2013-07-08T02:22:19+00:00

Keep a PUA journal/ have a goal for the night. You're like a snowball rolling down a hill, the beginning take times but pretty soon you'll be rolling.

For goals just think on where you need to improve. AA? Get rejected a bunch/approach X sets. Suck at group sets? Talk to a few. Want to be specific? Okay, try a new technique for the night, get a K close, get a _ close. The point is is to be trying something every night. If you do this and are still at a dead end then you can take a break and review what you've been doing wrong and improve from there.

sebulit_auki · 2013-07-08T12:07:03+00:00

While I agree it's key to go out to have fun, wanting to get laid is equally important. Naturals get laid because of their fervent desire and persistence to do so. I've been in the position numerous times where I've had the most fun ever but at the end of the night I'm exhausted and lacking the willpower to push for the lay.

With that in mind what should my goals be?

Open everything, put yourself into socially awkward situations. Do things just for the sake of getting the experience of doing it and finding a way to deal with the outcome.

As you find yourself having better interactions with girls, it's useful to analyze your sets in retrospect to figure out what you should've done to push things further logistically. Getting the number, making out (optional but good to practice for a beginner), isolating the girl, planting the seed of taking the girl somewhere afterwards etc. These are also called "sticking points."

honeybadger21 · 2013-07-08T20:09:48+00:00

Crawl. Walk. Run.

Start small and work up to big game. Start with simple conversations just to work your conversational skills. Then work on kino, kiss close, number close, f close, and such.

NaturalAFC · 2013-07-08T10:42:49+00:00

When I go out, I'm trying to get laid, get kissed or get phone numbers.

Well, there's your problem. That's called outcome dependence; your goal is to become outcome independent. Go out with the purpose of having fun and meeting new people.

readonlyuser · 2013-07-12T02:55:06+00:00

get a wing and feedback on your shortcomings and bad habits. go out every night with a few specific things to focus on, and be sure to hammer on it. Always go for the lay. Beginner or not, you don't need the Ken Griffey Jr. swing just to go up to bat. Swing for the fences, note the obstacles as they happen, and solve the common problems you see arise.

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