I know that time and time again I have preached having an "Anti-Care Defense" and maintaining absolute outcome independence, but I have come to realize that indulging this philosophy to an extreme degree can hurt your game.

Here's where the lightbulb went off in my head

Last night I was out for drinks with a friend at a local 3am bar. This place was dead as a doornail, so I really didn't see this as an opportunity to do some fieldwork. Instead, we chat with some bartenders, mutual friends. As it always seems to happen, I get pulled into seduction theory in live action.

There was another bartender who was off the clock one seat away from me. I noticed that she smoked my brand and I commented it on it. It wasn't an opener, it was me leveling with her as a human being for the sake of a harmless social interaction. Nevertheless, she scoffs in disgust and disengages. About that time, both me and my friend had run through three pitchers of apple cider and we were both feeling more than courageous. My friend turns to me and says "She isn't all that special. Look at those stretch marks on her side. She's shelled out a couple of kids. She's just a hook-nosed bitch."

This comment here, in retrospect, was my easy-out to rid myself of accounting for a failed interaction and passing the blame onto this unsuspecting bartender. When we tab out and say our goodbyes, I put my hand on her shoulder and say "Lighten up, toots." I had a cotton-candy sense of validation, but it sure as hell wasn't one of my proudest moments.

So we bounce to another bar that had recently cleared out. I try my hand at a set and I get completely blown out. I mean completely ignored, crash and burned. Nonetheless, I walked away with the biggest "too good to fail" attitude that night. We have one beer a piece and leave.

Wait one fucking minute!

This was the exact same problem I had run into last Sunday night where I got blown out of all five sets. Confidence leads to bravado. Bravado leads to a grossly overinflated sense of self worth, which will lead you to the delusion that women are obligated to hand you the key to their box. And if they don't, they're valued less than trash. The complete opposite of outcome independence.

Nobody is too good to fail. The only way we can improve is if we fail in the field so we can learn. So in case any of you out there on Seddit have the same problem on occasion, I'm going to share my tips on how to recognize this downward spiral and put an end to it.

  • Moderation. Alcohol will deteriorate your game if you don't take control of it. One or two drinks is fine, but don't get used to relying on it for dutch courage or as a form of social lubrication.

  • Recognize the pattern before it destroys you. Simply put, check yourself before you wreck yourself. You need to be brought right back down to earth, and you don't need to fail or put yourself down to do that.

  • Re-evaluate your core values and figure out what you should do to uphold them.

  • If necessary, spend a couple minutes outside alone to regain your composure. Think happy, positive thoughts.

  • In order to maintain balance and control of your attitude, reject any an all negative thoughts and feedback from others.