Bailing out for no apparent reason

essexaspie · 2017-08-18T22:56:59+00:00

lol, I used to get it a fair bit. Still do, to some extent. Not quite so often

I had lots of interactions that were like:

me: Hey, I like your jacket!

Her: Oh, thanks. It's new

me: I can tell! You strike me as the clumsy type! It'll be covered in wine later

Her: OMG, LOLZ LOLOLOL

And then.......I freeze!!...and then, walk away! hahaa

The logical thing is to ask her name or something, but I'd bail.

I'm not sure what the issue was/is. I think it's things like:

1/Not being confident in my ability to hold a fun conversation with a stranger. Bailing is easier

2/Not wanting to 'ruin' the initial positive first impression that I'd made

3/The idea that it feels a bit inquisitive/intrusive/showing too much curiosity. My initial observation/opener suddenly looks to have had ulterior motives

4/ At that point it basically becomes a 'pickup attempt' in my mind. All plausible deniability from my end has gone. I'm no longer making a friendly comment about something I noticed. I'm now 'making my move'! Suddenly the ego gets involved!

gregory2112 · 2017-08-18T19:12:43+00:00

I have experienced the EXACT same issue!

The thing I realized is that when this happens, It is because I FORCED myself to approach despite not having any belief or expectation of success. So that once the interaction begins my "inner voice" reminds me that I am attempting something beyond my ability and I start to feel awkward and uncomfortable. This feeling builds until I can't take it anymore and bail.. sometimes like a coward without any explanation or "good-bye" to the girl.

What has helped me, is to always try to approach with NO OUTCOME EXPECTATIONS, except to have a conversation. I know for a fact that I am capable of that, so I'm not attempting anything that is out of my ability. Also, once in a conversation, I focus my mind like a laser on what the girl is saying, which not only helps me have better conversation, it also takes brain power and mental focus away from that self defeating inner voice.

Another recent strategy I'm working on is to stay in a conversation, not allowing myself to "bail" until the girl either ends the conversation or gives crystal clear indications that she wants it to end. This is taking some practice because if there's a lull in the conversation, any pause (which is completely normal), leaves room for my inner voice to create uncomfortable thoughts. The times when I am able to push through and use the lull to think about body language and new topics, The conversation ALWAYS picks up and continues to flow and I am given proof that the discomfort resides only in my own mind!

nonsass · 2017-08-19T08:38:35+00:00

This apparently happens lots on 'bootcamps'. I've heard the RSD guys talk about it. It seems to be a natural thing that happens and we need to train ourselves to always 'stick in there' unless she literally tells you to go away.

It kind of goes against our natural social skills to bail when, for whatever reason, either you fell uncomfortable or you sense that SHE is uncomfortable, but It needs to be done, I guess!

rohan417 · 2017-08-19T18:02:17+00:00

That was my problem too, so to overcome that I have adopted a policy of "Always be closing". So if a girl is enjoying the conversation or is not not completely negative about me, then I HAVE to close her, in this case ask for her number or an instant date. The "Always be closing" is a good habit builder too, do it few times and you will close on more chicks.

Title	Bailing out for no apparent reason
Author	Bearminator_M15
Upvotes	2
Comments	4
Date	August 18, 2017 4:24 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6uixzs/bailing_out_for_no_apparent_reason/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/bailing-out-for-no-apparent-reason.1297746 https://theredarchive.com/post/1297746

Comments