(Warning: I'm bad at writing, so please be nice.)

Its currently 2:57am and I just can't go to bed until I finish this post, because at this moment I'm very disappointed in myself, but I'm also very very excited for the future. This might be a long post, but I promise if you read through it all, there a chance that it may help you as well, and I would love it if you could help me.

Tonight I went out with my fellow intern friends to the bars to celebrate my last weekend at my internship. We got together and pregame and meet new friends (most of them are girls) then head over to the bars. But once we got there I was so focused on one of the intern girls that I lose the sight of everyone else that was there, and as the night progresses through I realize I was using her as my excuse to not having to talk and meet new people at the bars. I realized it in time and finally got myself out of the hole and had some fun dancing with the other girls that's in our group on the dance floor but continue to only chat with the group I came with.

I just couldn't get myself to speak or open with any new girls there because in my head, all I had was girls thinking I'm weird, rejecting me, looking at me funny, and what not. I literally hate myself. I can't believe this is happening to me. I read the book Models, I'm interning with one of the largest private company in the world for a second year, I workout 6 times a week, I'm Asian American, and I really feel like alot of time that I'm very confident and proud of myself with all of the things I've accomplished with my life. And honestly, I really should feel like that, but whenever I go out with my friends to the bars, I become this pussy who can't do anything and just absolutely a disaster with women.

I meet one of my intern friend's boyfriend tonight and he put things in perspective for me. We were chatting by the bars and he told me this girl behind me is a straight up dime and she is been eyeing me. He begin to start the conversation with her and try to introduce her to me, but I was such a bitch that I started the conversation with my other friends in the group and completely ignore the fact that he is being a great wingman. Anyways, a couple of minutes later, some other dude grab her and started talking to her, while that's happening my friend kept telling me that after he talked to her about wanting to introduce me to her, she kept looking back at me while she is having a conversation with another guy. My friend told me to make a move and she is definitely interested in you. Its then, I froze and make up some lame ass excuse about why that's a bad idea to myself and my friends while watching her being taking away by this other dude. I stand there and watch and play in my head that I should just tap her on the arm and talk to her, but that never happened, and eventually she left the bars. I stand there, feeling like the biggest piece of shit ever in my life and feeling the consequences of my decision: Regret of what could of happened.

After walking one of my friends home, me and another intern that I worked with walk home together and I started to pour out all the emotion I had associate with how much I hate myself for being a pussy, for all the excuses I made in my head to make myself seem less than others, and although we were able to talk about the exact reason of why we were such pussies (We know all of the reason and read enough about it to understand that we are just scared little bitches who is afraid of what could of happened in the worst case scenario and stopping us from even attempt to try). And after talking to him, I made a promise to myself that beginning today, I'm going to grow a pair and do whatever it is that won't give me any regrets for the future, because honestly, the feeling of regrets is way worst than the feeling of rejections.

I want those of you who is reading this to understand that you can read all the books, articles, and post on this subreddit, but unless you are able to put it into practice, you will never grow or change. I see myself as a very successful student/adult in all aspect of my life besides the department of women. I really really want to become the most confident person that I could be. I would really love some feedbacks, tips, advices, or just feelings and emotions you have that you can share with my after reading my post, to help me become the person I can be proud of. Thank you all for reading.