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Sherwood_eh
[–]Nicks1234 106 points107 points108 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
One major thing that comes to mind right away is 1) It's very important when meeting a group of girls to get her friends on your side. This can be as simple as politely shaking their hands and introducing yourself but it's not always this simple. One thing I like to do when initially meeting a group of girls is to A) do what I said above and politely meet all of them (maybe talk to them all as a group for a min and then B)say "Do you guys mind if I flirt with your friend here for a second" - They will almost always say yes because it just sounds non-threatening and they love the fact that you asked and are so direct. DON'T ASK LIKE A PUSSY. Ask like you know they are going to say yes...because they most likely will. I am a little confused about the end there...Was the girl you were hooking up with not in the room with you and her friend came in to kick you out??
[–][deleted] 8 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 8 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sherwood_eh[S] 72 points73 points74 points 8 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link
Oh he knows haha. But I get why he did it. The girl came up behind him, grabbed his ass and basically said "we should hook up" and it startled him so much that he abandoned ship immediatly
[–][deleted] 8 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
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[–]MarcusAurelius78 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Obviously not all women are like this I didn’t think I had to point that out I figured it’s common sense!
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[–]recyclablebanthas 8 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Maybe take the pompous tone out of your reply then, dick.
Rational conversation would involve explanation, not insults and vague statements.
Want to quote where I have insulted you?
I'm listening.
EDIT: Nevermind. This thread isn't even about this conversation we're having. Feel free to PM me.
[–][deleted] 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Garthanthoclops 10 points11 points12 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nah fuck that. It’s not like he needed to do that to help his boy get the girl. She had already decided she wanted to fuck him.
It was a spiteful bitch friend that ruined it
[–]Sharpshooter90 14 points15 points16 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When the friend told you to leave where was the girl you were with?
[–][deleted] 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Dating973 11 points12 points13 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ooof idk man girl groups are as thick as thieves. You really can’t game plan that other trying to get her number early on
[–]recyclablebanthas 8 years ago [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
1
The entire time her friend was whispering to her other friends 'fuck this guy.' about me the entire way back even though I had done nothing.
What you've left out here is what your interaction was with her friend.
If you were mostly focused on the super cool girl and not her friend, then that was your mistake right there. If you were getting in with Cool Girl and she came with people, that actually includes interacting with and getting in good with her friends.
Because as you see here, they are often gatekeepers.
2
She tells me she would be out of her friend's place soon....15 minutes later the unattractive person's roommate comes out and tells me to get the fuck out and that the girl I was with wasn't interested.
You're leaving way too much out here. But without more information, the only real conclusion is that this Cool Girl wasn't as into it as you thought. If she were really into you she would have:
Gone to bat for you and you wouldn't have seen this roommate stepping in and kicking you out.
Worse case scenario, Cool Girl would have gone with you when the roommate stepped in, if they were really out of line.
Cool Girl would have merely escorted her friend back and left with you. Instead of staying there for vague reasons.
Cool Girl would have pushed for contact information to be exchanged, before you were gone.
It sounds like Cool Girl didn't even try to talk to you, she just sent that other person to send you away. That's another red flag indicating that she really didn't want to talk to you.
3
tells me to get the fuck out.....after confusion and arguing I left.
I mean, there was really no point in arguing. Third parties don't step in unless something has gone really wrong. Wrong enough that the point when you could have done something to fix the situation, has long since past.
And third parties definitely don't step in that harshly unless you're failing in some way. If you're actually getting in with people, they won't be telling you to get the fuck out.
4
Never got her number, and couldn't find her on and Social Media. How can I go about this better next time so it doesn't happen again?
Exchange contact information after you've really really hit it off.
Get in better with her friends. Don't ignore them. And if they're pissed off about something, you'd do well to make sure they're having a good time if there's anyway you can help, even by just having good conversation and sharing fun.
5
I think you fucked up when you didn’t defend yourself when she kept saying “fuck this guy” in front of you. I would have called her out
I think you fucked up when you didn’t defend yourself when she kept saying “fuck this guy” in front of you.
I would have called her out
If someone is already at the point of saying "fuck this guy," then you've been dropping the ball by not interacting with them well enough.
One doesn't remedy that by trying to strong-arm them by "calling them out." If you intimidate them, you can get them to nominally "apologize" but you haven't won over hearts and minds. All you've done is drive their dislike underground, where it's arguably going to lead to the same outcome. If not a worse one.
6
Your friend should have done his duty and jump on that hand grenade. Doesn't he know bro code?
Obviously, your friend didn't have to do shit.
Nothing about a friendship requires a dude to sleep with girls he doesn't like or waste a night pretending to be into a girl he isn't into, just so someone else can have a good time while he has a miserable time.
7
The girl came up behind him, grabbed his ass Don't people lose jobs for this shit???
The girl came up behind him, grabbed his ass
Don't people lose jobs for this shit???
They weren't in the workplace.
8
This is exactly why I'm not a fan of approaching a group of women.
Groups aren't the issue.
The issue is that "seduction" requires social skills. Interacting with a group of people requires social skills.
If you want to meet a girl who has friends, it requires the same damn skills that you need to "seduce" her anyway.
So just talk to people like they're people and you'll be fine.
If you're focused on the girl you're trying to get with and ignoring her friends, they'll think you're weird and box you out.
[–]Sherwood_eh[S] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Going off your second point, we almost went back to mine just the two of us which would have been a whole different story but last minute we agreed to go back to hers because her friend was really drunk on the bus. (Should of got her number and ask her to meet at mine after, but that's a different story) Along with that, she was flirting really hard and was making excuses to touch me etc. so it just confuses me how she would bring me all the way back to hers only for shit to go the way that it did edit: just read the third point and I just want to clarify that she didn't tell me to fuck off directly, but told me to leave in a passive aggressive way. Not sure if that makes a difference but just wanted to add some dramatic flair lmao
[–]recyclablebanthas 8 years ago [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
Going off your second point, we almost went back to mine just the two of us which would have been a whole different story but last minute we agreed to go back to hers because her friend was really drunk on the bus.
Damn.
But at the same time, you were a human being about it which is good.
You still haven't clarified whether you were interacting with her friend or ignoring her. She was clearly telegraphing that she was going to turn into a time-bomb there and it's unclear as to whether you were trying to include her in the interaction or not.
I'm not talking about trying to work a threesome or whatever. I'm just talking about talking with her like a person. Sharing a little fun without taking anything away from the girl you were focused on.
If you and that girl were off in your own world too much, then that was a mistake.
(Should of got her number and ask her to meet at mine after, but that's a different story)
Yep. Generally good to work that out even if you think it's a foregone conclusion. It shouldn't be a rushed thing but in a relative moment of quiet, if it's clear things are going well, yeah, exchange contact information.
....how she would bring me all the way back to hers only for shit to go the way that it did
I mean, she made her decisions. She either wasn't that into YOU per se, or she was more invested in preserving her friendship with that girl.
Which would bring us back to that friend of hers not being taken care of. It sounds more and more as if that ball got dropped. Cool Girl wouldn't have had to choose between her friend and you (which apparently happened) if you were making her friend feel included.
But again, you've left a lot out. Maybe you did try. I just haven't seen you mention it yet.
....she didn't tell me to fuck off directly, but told me to leave in a passive aggressive way.
The roommate, right?
So where was Cool Girl during this? Where were you? You were in a living room, right? Wasn't Cool Girl there too? It doesn't make sense why you didn't just ask for contact information swap right then.
Not sure if that makes a difference but just wanted to add some dramatic flair lmao
I mean, maybe next time, leave the dramatic flair out because you made the interaction come off a lot more different than it actually was.
Which wouldn't matter so much, if your whole point hadn't been to get an opinion about that interaction. :P
[–]circlhat 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
His decision doesn't make him human, he would of been a good person either way, let's not compare those who do not white night to sub human
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
But at the same time, you were a human being about it which is good. His decision doesn't make him human, he would of been a good person either way...
His decision doesn't make him human, he would of been a good person either way...
Sorry, flat wrong.
Leaving a person who is drunk out of their mind, alone to maybe find their way home, is not a human thing to do.
It's a decent thing to care about others.
Trying to pursue sex with no concern for the well-being of others, is sociopathic.
[–]circlhat 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Trying to pursue sex with no concern for the well-being of others,
Why just sex? what about everything in life? why do we put special rules and caring when it comes to sex.
So if I get drunk, and scare off a girl, is she sociopathic? The double standard is astounding, It's almost as if men have to filter their feelings and emotions based off what a women wants and this is because you "owe" her something for the pursuit of sex.
Men don't owe women anything, unless we can say on this sub that if I as a man get drunk a women owes me a ride home otherwise she is a sociopathic
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
____1____
Let's back up the train a bit here. This is what I was commenting on from OP:
but last minute we agreed to go back to hers because her friend was really drunk on the bus.
So the situation is:
Girl #1 wanted to make sure Drunk Girl got home alright, because she was heavily inebriated and needed help.
OP did a decent thing in supporting Girl #1 wanting to make sure her friend got home safe.
That's what I was commenting on when I said:
you (OP) were a human being about it....
So we're not talking about special rules here, we're talking about normal, everyday compassion. Like the stuff that your buddies show for you. Friends don't screw each other over.
____2____
So if I get drunk, and scare off a girl, is she sociopathic? The double standard is astounding.....
Again, let's back up a bit. You getting drunk and scaring a girl off is not the direct comparison. If you were drunk in this scenario, then the comparison would look like this:
Circlhat getting drunk with his buddies, tries to get with a girl, strikes out. (This being what Drunk Girl did.)
Then Circlhat proceeds to get lit and too drunk to get home without help and one of his friends pulls but still decides to help him get home before heading off to do his thing.
The direct comparison if we flipped genders here would be talking about whether the girl he's pulling is okay with him escorting you home or whether she'd want to try to convince your buddy to leave you by the side of the road to fend for yourself because she simply can't wait even an hour for sex.
____3____
I'm not sure how the conversation got off track, but that's what we're talking about here.
You seemed to be saying that OP should have been trying to convince this girl that she needed to leave her drunk friend to fend for herself, when she needed help getting home.
But I think perhaps there's been a misunderstanding. We're not talking about owing anyone anything. We're talking about personal values here. Of course, if you'd screw your friends over for sex or happily convince others to do the same, then we're going to disagree.
So just talk to people like they're people and you'll be fine
But there is no indication he dehumanize anyone, honestly all your bullets points are outcome dependent, I been in his same situation and had success, and failure.
One doesn't remedy that by trying to strong-arm them by "calling them out."
But he isn't doing that, he wanted to defend himself but decided not to, why would you give this piece of advice when he stated he didn't call them out
Ignoring, not really, your advice is to center around here is what you did wrong, rather than trying to understand the situation,
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
But there is no indication he dehumanize anyone
Not what I said. Literally quote where I even use that word.
You should ask yourself why you were triggered here.
And realize, that OP would have set me straight if I were wrong about him not paying so much attention to the girl's friend. And I would have been happy if he had clarified anything I had wrong.
You'll note the usage of words like if in my comment. As well as questions. Because OP left out important information. So I asked. Instead of reading information into what was missing, as you're doing, and running with the ball.
(Really, ask yourself how you got from "not paying attention to," to "dehumanizing.")
honestly all your bullets points are outcome dependent
Interaction is not inherently needy or outcome dependent.
You should ask yourself why you're adding all that extra (false) meaning.
One doesn't remedy that by trying to strong-arm them by "calling them out." But he isn't doing that
But he isn't doing that
And I didn't say he did.
The double layering of quote marks indicates a different person.
Like how I just quoted you and myself just above.
[–]Dallas_Stars_Fan 5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's a tough situation. The key is usually to try to win over the friends even more than the girl. It's not always possible man you can't win them all unfortunately
[–]DtdKaz 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ah, this is classic.
[–]StephenStrangeMD 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Shit happens man, get over it and move on. You ditching your buddies and going with them seems more lost puppy then guy who is gonna get laid.
[–]Grifos 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly why I liked the advice from a previous poster who said, exchange numbers then get her to text when she’s home (if you can’t isolate her from her friend). As a man you need to be proactive, making decisions for the woman, and following her and the friend around is reactionary behaviour which imo lowers you status as a masculine figure. By exchanging numbers with the intention of meeting back up, you show that you are there to have a good time; not just to validate yourself by getting sex. This is part and parcel of being an attractive man, hooking up with women being a result of having an interesting, fun life, which you show this by not following them around like a lost puppy which reeks of desperation imo which is a major turn off
[–]circlhat 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
it happens, there are outliners, I been in situations like this and it can really go either way. Don't read to much into it, if it happens consistently, than yea you're doing something wrong.
Without anymore detail all I can say is, her friend was in a bad mood, and took it out on you
[–]zbf 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Get a better wingman
[–]devilkingx2 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't approach girls who aren't alone if you don't have to, if no girls are out solo then wait til one gets isolated somehow and pounce while you have the chance, like how a lion would hunt a gazelle
If you have to pick between groups of friends, pick a group with an odd number or a large group and don't hit on any girl that's the life of the party/center of attention
Preferentially approach groups that are all at least bangable so you can freely talk to all of them and be satisfied if you do well with any of them.
If someone in the group seems to be a total b!tch or not like you, EJECT! Get some contact info if you can, but just get out of there if you can't, under no circumstances should you stick around to see what sort of drama/trouble they can cause for you like you did here.
[–]pbgswd 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
what a soul sucking parasite. Holy shit. Call out the first person who fucks with you otherwise it just gets worse.
[–]TheXXL 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And in the process lose any chance of getting together with her hot friend. Congratulations on not knowing how to handle cockblocks.
[–]SpaceS4t4n -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
don't go with your friend.
[–][deleted] 8 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]devilkingx2 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bad idea if she doesn't like him
[–]recyclablebanthas0 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
This belongs in /r/askseddit as it is asking advice for a specific situation / girl
This will stay in spam filter, please repost in the AskSeddit subreddit.(Not askREDDIT, but askSEDDIT)
Please read RULES & GUIDELINES. This post is answered by many SIDEBAR guides.
I would also recommend reading 10-20 of the top posts on Seddit: FOUND HERE
Also, don't worry about it! You didn't do anything wrong since you didn't know
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