~ archived since 2018 ~

Cockblocking Myself?

justinw05

July 20, 2011

17 upvotes

/r/seduction

Hey guys, need some advice from the experts! So my gf and I have an open relationship, meaning we can hook up with other people if the chance arises and as long as we're safe and honest with each other about it.

Anyways, so the question I had for you guys is this... whenever I tell a potential girl this info, it seems to completely shut her down. "Oh that's weird." or "Yeah I could never do that." or "I'm sure she's just secretly upset, I can't do that." (She's not, it's completely consensual.) And it makes it incredibly difficult to close after that! I don't want to lie to a potential girl about my intentions and my relationship situation but it seems like I might have to start! Unless you guys have a better way of putting it or avoiding the question all together without lying.

I'm a good closer and was able to get plenty of ass before the relationship but it seems this arrangement kills attraction in girls. What does seddit think?

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Post Information

Title	Cockblocking Myself?
Author	justinw05
Upvotes	17
Comments	16
Date	July 20, 2011 11:35 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ivb2v/cockblocking_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/cockblocking-myself.1320428 https://theredarchive.com/post/1320428

Comments

[–]heckz 16 points17 points18 points 15 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]justinw05[S] 4 points5 points6 points 15 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]razqel 14 points15 points16 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Agreed with heckz.

Don't talk about it. If she brings it up you can tell her you're seeing other women, but you two just met and aren't at a point where it warrants a discussion about relationships. Until the day comes along where you know who you want to settle down with, you're free to see whoever you want, and she has the freedom to do the same.

Also, never ever lie to women. If you have to lie to get women, you don't deserve them. As ethical seducers, we aim to leave women better than we found them. If you lie as a means to an end, you become the manipulative guy we try so hard to disassociate with in the community. Maintain your integrity and standards. It's what defines you as a man.

There are always better options to lying. In this case, you need define or frame the context of the discussion. If a woman doesn't like it, let her go. Believe me there are plenty of girls out who are fine with this arrangement.

[–]justinw05[S] 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]EtovNowd 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 15 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]justinw05[S] 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]newestme 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]justinw05[S] 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

So the reason we decided to do this is because we're both very highly sexual individuals. In the past I have had a hard time being faithful to my girlfriends and she has had the same problem. Going into a relationship, we were really both very honest about it when we started dating. "This is my most involved relationship, but I'm still seeing other people." I remember telling her.

At one point we had the "exclusivity talk" because we had definitely fallen for one another. In the discussion we both agreed that if the temptation were to arise and the attraction were strong enough, we'd cheat. So, what to do then? What if we tried committing emotionally but not sexually. I only love her and she only loves me. She's allowed to sleep with someone else out of lust/infatuation/etc and I'm allowed to do the same as long as we are honest with the other person about it.

The first time it happened, there was jealousy - but not an overwhelming amount. When I realized that the sex we have is a consummation of love and the sex that I or she has with someone else is purely animal lust, it works out perfect. In fact there's a serious level of trust in our relationship because I don't ever worry about her cheating.

It's not for everyone, definitely not. But we decided to try it and it works really well for us, we've been officially together for 3 years and are planning a wedding.

[–]newestme 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]justinw05[S] 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]acepincter 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]jack_skellington 2 points3 points4 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Ugh. Is it a joke that all those responses are terrible? Are they deliberately bad? Am I humor impaired?

Anyway, the best way to handle this, IMHO, is to say, "I'm dating, not exclusive with anyone." It's honest, it doesn't try to justify or explain any weird "open relationship" thing, and frankly, doesn't even allow the woman to make it her business. It's just synonymous with, "I am not cheating, and any confessions beyond that are none of your business, thankyouverymuch."

If a woman pushed for more than that, my honest answer at the early stage of a relationship (especially if it was the first night) would be, "We are not boyfriend and girlfriend; we are just having fun right now. So I'm not comfortable having a long boyfriend/girlfriend talk. I'm STD-free and available. Beyond that, let's just see how things go."

[–]acepincter 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link