cold approach vs friendship

DaygameCode · 2024-09-03T17:41:28+00:00

How do women generally perceive cold approaches?

Depends on how the individual performs the cold approach.

Do they appreciate the confidence, or do they feel objectified?

They appreaciate the confidence if you actually have it, and whether they are objectified or not depends on whether you focus solely on her physical attributes (more likely to feel objectified) or you actually care to get to know her as a person in the approach before getting her number.

And do they consider the possibility that the guy might be approaching multiple women, treating it like a "numbers game"?

That could happen when you are going straight for the number without first getting to know her for 5-10 minutes at least and when you don't give her a good reason as to why you are asking her for her number or why you want to see her again. If the reason you give them is generic they will feel like you do this with other women.

With a cold approach, though, they won’t know if they like my personality, so it seems like it’s mostly about looks.

Wrong. A cold approach requires 10-15 minutes ideally to be a solid and get her to be excited about seeing you again. Those 10 mins are plenty of time to get to know her personality and evaluate whether there is chemistry between you and her. So it's not just about looks meaning that if you do cold approach in the right way properly getting to know her for 10 minutes, you can be avarage in looks and get plenty of success.

I don’t use popular social media platforms like Snapchat or Instagram anymore, so I’d have to directly ask for their number. Does this pose a problem?

If you ask for a number right away within 1 minute or 2, the number won't lead anywhere even if they give it to you. If your mindset when approaching a woman is "i have to get her number" no matter what she does, no matter if she doesn't even deserve it, you are likely to raise suspicions that you are not genuinely interested in her (hence playing a number's game) or that you are needy searching for anyone who gives you any attention.

The correct mindset when cold approaching is to actually evaluate if she deserves to see you again, to see if she is actually that you want to meet again. That means that your decision to see her again cannot be pre-established before the conversation even begins, hence it's not about going for the number, it's about engaging in a conversation and see whether you like her as a person enough to want to see her again which requires you to be "picky" and by "picky" I don't mean in terms of looks, i mean in terms of personality, chemistry, vibe... etc.

If a woman gives me her number after a cold approach, I assume she might be giving it to other guys as well. How do I deal with the insecurity of feeling like I’m in competition and questioning if she genuinely likes me?

By understanding that the mindset is not about proving your worth to her or trying to impress her, but instead evaluating whether she is worty of spending time with you, and see if she can impress you and match what you look for from a woman beyond her looks and when she proves to you that she has qualities or traits that make her better than other girls, you may reward her with romantic fliration and/or giving her your number because she proved that she is worhty of seeing you again.

I fear rejection, but what worries me more is the potential shame afterward, especially if I run into the person again in a setting like university. How can I manage these feelings and fears?

You are worried about shame because you have the flawed belief that rejection means you are a loser, or inferior to others, specially to the girl doing the rejection. When in reality rejection is just a reflection of ther own preferences, influenced by both external factors and a lack of romantic connection with you. That means that even if you run into a girl who rejected you again, it does not have to be a awkard or shameful situation if you just act humble and graceful about the rejection and recognize that your worth is not determined by other people accepting you or rejecting you, but by your ability to bounce back from setbacks with strength, going for what you want, being willing to self-improve and being comfortable in your own skin.

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-09-03T23:08:40+00:00

should you explicitly mention your intention?

Just initiate a small talk/conversation like you do with any other people. Especially in a campus, you will see her often. So no you don’t have to mention it. It’s obvious and women usually understand where this is going.

If you are pretty good at small talks (with other people), then the next step is to deviate from that point so you won’t get trapped inside a friend zone.

You can ask her out, have a day meetup like in a starbucks or watch a movie together.
And be flirty and playfully tease her.

Again, women are aware of this. Your attempts are not to be seen as “just a friend.” You purposely stand out with your attempts and conversations that you are not like her guy friends.

how important are looks?

Looks are important, but not that important. If you are average, just work on your appearance. Wear fit size clothes (not too tight or too loose), color coordinated ones, clean and neat,, have hair and facial hair grooming too. The impression you try to give to public (and her) is you know how to take care of yourself. People who don’t care for themselves won’t be able to care for others or special someone.

no social media, is that a turnoff?

Not necessarily. I used to have some social media accounts with huge number of followers. I deleted them all but reddit. I still routinely sleep with women. In fact if you show her that you’re not into social media it could be a plus for you. That you are not a player.

MouseAware809 · 2024-09-04T10:25:35+00:00

When it comes to cold approaches, it feels unnatural to base the interaction purely on physical attraction. Is dating generally supposed to start with physical attraction and then move on to personality? Why wouldn’t it work the other way around, where you get to know someone’s personality first?

What would make me want to learn someone's personality first. If I am in a room with 100 women, whom I know nothing about, how will I learn the personality "first"?

I’ve read that being upfront about your intentions is important to avoid the "friend zone." Is it true that women permanently see you as either a friend or a potential partner based on your approach? Why can’t it be both? Why wouldn’t they see a friend as a potential partner?

Are they attracted to you. Not do they feel "comfortable", but are they actually attracted.

You say, up until now, this has been your technique, so you tell me. What is the success rate. When you befriend a woman and hide your intentions, how many turn into a relationship?

How do women generally perceive cold approaches? Do they appreciate the confidence, or do they feel objectified? And do they consider the possibility that the guy might be approaching multiple women, treating it like a "numbers game"?

Which women specifically? Which guys approach are you on about. Someone who is nervous as fuck is going to be percieved differently from someone who is confident.

In my past relationships, starting as friends meant that the other person knew my personality before any romantic feelings developed. With a cold approach, though, they won’t know if they like my personality, so it seems like it’s mostly about looks. How important are looks in this context? Can an average-looking guy successfully use cold approaches?

I would say its more about how you make them feel. Have you never seen a women with a guy and thought "How the fuck did he manage to get with her"?

I don’t use popular social media platforms like Snapchat or Instagram anymore, so I’d have to directly ask for their number. Does this pose a problem?

Yes, having a way to communicate with someone is problematic.

I’m not very talkative and tend to open up only after getting to know someone better. This feels like a disadvantage for cold approaches. How can I manage this?

You work at it. Or you do nothing and get nothing.

If a woman gives me her number after a cold approach, I assume she might be giving it to other guys as well. How do I deal with the insecurity of feeling like I’m in competition and questioning if she genuinely likes me?

Work on your inner game.

I fear rejection, but what worries me more is the potential shame afterward, especially if I run into the person again in a setting like university. How can I manage these feelings and fears?

Just see it as talking to another person. Women are just people. Do you refuse to talk to people normally.

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-09-03T16:55:13+00:00

All the answers could be compiled in a book haha.

But lemme hit that “ friends” topic and “naturally”.

Where do you think your friends came from?

School/college friends: you go there. They go there. You were all strangers to each others. You all had to introduce to each other. Who put you all there? Your parents and theirs. On purpose. It wasn’t an accident. Nature didn’t put you there.
Friends at work: they were strangers. You were too, to them. The only commonality you all have is you guys work there. It’s just another social setting where people meet. You purposely work there just like them. You don’t wake up one day and find yourself working in an office.

Bottom line: Your friends don’t come naturally. It was a setup created on purpose where that setting has a shared goal (learning, working).

So now in your adulthood, why don’t you initiate and create your own setup? Choose your own friends?

Introduce yourself to strangers just like when you did in school or at a workplace. Different sets, similar pattern. Many things in society don’t come naturally. Your country, your city, your neighbor, your school. They’re all made up. And that doesn’t mean a bad thing.

where you get to know someone’s personality first?

In short: because it’s faster and because we tend to go for a better choice. The problem is not just:

Attractive person with good personality
Non attractive person with good personality

But also:

Attractive person with bad personality
Non attractive person with bad personality

This is all about probability/gambling.

Why would you be willing to choose 2 if you could get 1? From cost-benefit analysis people always go for 1. Yes they can settle down for 2, but if given another option that you could go for 1, why would you still stay with 2?

Now look at 3 & 4: if both have bad personality, which one would you pick? So it seems like attractiveness is always the major factor that tilts the options. It’s not necessarily “looks vs personality” (false dilemma bias) where there seemed to be only 2 options. It’s actually 4 options.

liftingnstuff · 2024-09-03T17:46:07+00:00

When it comes to cold approaches, it feels unnatural to base the interaction purely on physical attraction. Is dating generally supposed to start with physical attraction and then move on to personality? Why wouldn’t it work the other way around, where you get to know someone’s personality first?

Part of your cold approach is quickly showing off your personality in conversation.

I’ve read that being upfront about your intentions is important to avoid the "friend zone." Is it true that women permanently see you as either a friend or a potential partner based on your approach? Why can’t it be both? Why wouldn’t they see a friend as a potential partner?

You must indicate that the approach is signalling yourself as a potential partner. It's about generating attraction. It's possible to go from friend to partner, but it's rare, generally not worth pursuing compared to just meeting a different person and starting on the right foot.

How do women generally perceive cold approaches? Do they appreciate the confidence, or do they feel objectified? And do they consider the possibility that the guy might be approaching multiple women, treating it like a "numbers game"?

There's some informal survey data that 80% of single women wish they were approached more (by men they find somewhat attractive). Some women don't like it.

Can an average-looking guy successfully use cold approaches?

Yes but it's more difficult.

I’m not very talkative and tend to open up only after getting to know someone better. This feels like a disadvantage for cold approaches. How can I manage this?

Focused practice. Do approaches. Talk to strangers. Learn how to have engaging conversation. Take an improv comedy class.

If a woman gives me her number after a cold approach, I assume she might be giving it to other guys as well. How do I deal with the insecurity of feeling like I’m in competition and questioning if she genuinely likes me?

You are in a competition. Compete and try to win.

I fear rejection, but what worries me more is the potential shame afterward, especially if I run into the person again in a setting like university. How can I manage these feelings and fears?

Unless you are being vulgar/pushy, you don't really have to worry.

MrAnonPoster · 2024-09-03T18:29:06+00:00

Women do not date friends. They tell friends about the guys they fuck

Ok-Entertainer-1401 · 2024-09-03T20:57:23+00:00

Friends first is a terrible strategy.

Title	cold approach vs friendship
Author	ykwim333
Upvotes	2
Comments	12
Date	September 3, 2024 4:07 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1f83rwy/cold_approach_vs_friendship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/cold-approach-vs-friendship.1529272 https://theredarchive.com/post/1529272

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