Could use some advice... I've been reading seduction material since 2004, it has helped me in innumerable ways, but over the past couple years I've been closing myself off and staying at home mostly..

porphyry3 · 2011-10-02T08:31:23+00:00

Look, I relate to some level because I was like you up to last year, and I am much older than you (38). I'll tell you what I have discovered/helped me:

your lifestyle may reinforce isolation. Staying at home and playing videogames or watching porn (in my case) reinforces the desire to isolate yourself. Basically, your brain thinks it can satisfy your needs at home and does not push you to go outside to look for real rewards. Porn in particular was really deleterious for me. Low testosterone decreases the aggressiveness and the need to look for a partner. Basically, what we here call 'comfort zone' becomes a pathological shell from which you dont want to exit.
Do small steps to go out of your comfort zone. Cut down gradually indoor activities and substitute them with outdoor activities. Try to get get pleasant rewards from activities done outside. It may also be to increase your mastery in something (sport/arts.. whatever). If you can join a group of people, then better. This behavioral activation increases good mood and should automatically decrease the need of isolation. In my case, I had also social anxiety so I had to work double.
I too was picky, I am an atheist but I made it too much of an issue. You can have your standards, but if you have too many they are symptoms of insecurities or unresolved issues, and girls sense this. This does not necessarily mean that I am ready to go with a Catholic girl, but if a girl is emotionally and psychologically stable and has her own beliefs, it is not a problem for me. Difference in core beliefs should not bring to personal devaluation between two sane persons. If this happens, then you are betterr off without her anyway.
To go out of your isolation, you will have to blindly go against what your brain suggests you. Do not expect it to collaborate at the beginning. After some time you will begin to see the benefits.

choc_is_back · 2011-10-02T01:42:30+00:00

Also, some more information to go on..

I've found myself to be extra picky as of late. This hypothetical girl I'm looking for basically has to get a fire burning inside of me, both physically and with her personality. I feel like this is somewhat problematic for me though, as I've become increasingly frustrated with conventional society (where the hottest girls seem to be,) and much more comfortable in a subculture of people who are living a much more simple life. Statistically speaking, the amount of girls I can find who are into radical politics, are atheist, and nerdy (much less social) are pretty damn low, especially since most girls I meet who are into those sorts of things don't do much for me when it comes to raw physical attraction.

.. and here's my OkCupid profile if you'd like to offer any thoughts on that. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/davycrocketfuel/

oaksalve · 2011-10-02T10:27:15+00:00

I feel like I'm in the same position. I'm in a good spot in my life but honestly I feel fine spending my weekends playing video games, reading, and shitting it up on forums all day. It's fun for me and while it'd be cool to go party and meet people I get bored really fast and find myself wanting to come home and sit at my computer. It might be you're just in a small funk in your life and need some time to take a break. In my opinion, I would say don't force yourself to talk to people and try to make connections. Every time I've tried that it becomes really obvious that I actually don't give a shit about the person I'm talking to.

I'm not saying you should stay like this forever since there's obviously a desire that you want to get out there, but give yourself some time until you're really ready on the inside to give it a shot again. Do some of the cool things you listed in the meantime and maybe pick up other hobbies until then. You can't force passion. Don't let societal pressure or what people think your life should be like influence you. Isn't that like one of the standing mantras of PU anyway?

screwthat4u · 2011-10-02T13:35:27+00:00

I felt the same way last night reading your post. Then I remembered I promised an old friend I would shoot pool with him and logged into facebook to let him know when/where, and I went to this girls page that I kinda like cause of her status or something. She was at some steak place with my cube mate at work (we all use to work together she has since left)

I was pretty pissed. So instead of sitting at home and reading reddit and thinking all day I went out to the coolest bar downtown by myself. I had more fun than I would have if I sat home I guarantee you.

I'd say you are thinking too much about things, go out, be yourself, and dont fucking think about anything. Just enjoy yourself and be in the moment.

2011-10-02T15:44:24+00:00

Advertise on couchsurfing.com

choc_is_back · 2011-10-02T23:26:56+00:00

Just a wild guess: stop smoking so much pot :-p

(sounds like a pretty interesting house you live in though!)

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