I've noticed that a lot of seddit focuses on how to act confident even when you're not. How to not come off as needy when you're desperate. The key to true self-esteem is to fail over and over until you realize rejection is okay.

"Whether it’s forcing yourself to make some new friends, or forcing yourself to go in for that kiss that you’ve always been afraid to go for on the first date, you’re going to be making yourself vulnerable. And the feeling is going to suck. A lot.

You’re going to feel uncomfortable. You’re going to come up with rationalizations about how you’ll do it next time. You’ll plan ahead, procrastinate and then re-plan and then procrastinate again, and then decide you need to read this book a couple more times -- all because you’re scared to death of that vulnerability.

Maybe you’ve already been through this. Maybe you’ve already spent months or years avoiding taking action because you’re afraid of the consequences. Maybe you’ve put off that career change, that wardrobe upgrade, joining that dating site. Maybe you’ve missed opportunities with women who liked you because you were too afraid to make a move. Maybe you convinced yourself that you needed to “know how” first. Maybe you convinced yourself that you needed to see someone else do it first.

These are all forms of avoidance. And we’ll get into them and pick them apart ruthlessly in Part IV. But the point is making yourself vulnerable is really, really, really hard and can be really, really, really painful. And the less vulnerable you’ve let yourself be throughout your life, the harder it’s going to be to start.

But slowly, you will chisel away at yourself. You’ll humble yourself, expose yourself, and then learn that it’s OK. It’s OK to be rejected. It’s OK to make mistakes. It’s OK to say something stupid. Women will not dislike you for your rejections and mistakes or saying something stupid.

They’ll like you for your ability to be OK with being rejected, to make mistakes, and to say something stupid. The man who always has the perfect line to say to her is a man she will not trust. Because he shows no vulnerability and his words are inauthentic and therefore needy.

The man who has some good lines and some bad lines and is able to admit the latter and laugh at the former, this is a man she will trust and a man she will open herself up to, both emotionally and physically.

That’s because a man who becomes comfortable with his vulnerability becomes the opposite of needy. If neediness is prioritizing others’ perceptions about you over your own, then vulnerability is the exact opposite. Being vulnerable forces you to accept and prioritize your own perception over those of others. Why? Because you have no choice. As you make yourself vulnerable, you will experience rejection. And as you experience rejection, you will be forced to upgrade your own sense of self worth. There’s no other option. Slowly, but surely you’ll chisel a “Don’t Give a Fuck” attitude out of yourself that is genuine yet giving at the same time."