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[–]cobraCL 6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I get the underlying principle of your post, but the comparison to sexual violence and domestic abuse is off-mark.
Abusers condition their targets over months or years into believing they are worthless, deserve their abuse, and that they should consider themselves "lucky" that someone even given them the time of day. They provide an irregular reward system (alternating horrific abuse with adoration and tenderness) to form trauma bonds of neuro chemical emotional extremes. It is essentially Stockholm syndrome: The victim knows the situation is abusive but is too broken down, mentally fucked or scared of violence to leave. The brain's next way to cope is to romanticize the situation to create an illusion of ownership. Female on male abuse works no differently, but society shames men for speaking up the way a woman would.
It is true that a woman who wants to be with you will overlook many of your human faults or things that are not ideal in your personal life.
However - Women who stick around despite serious red flags (pathological lying, infidelity, emotional and physical abuse) usually have serious issues themselves and are drawn to the same dysfunction they witnessed in childhood.
[–]FaithInStrangers94 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I understand it but I still don’t understand it
You’re an attractive successful intelligent woman, why are you with an unemployed abusive lying scumbag?
If your trauma bonding and internalised worthlessness is that strong then you should be undergoing intense psychotherapy and psychiatric intervention because you’re a completely broken human being
But it’s so common it’s ridiculous
[–]cobraCL 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree with you! People in those situations absolutely need to work intensively with a mental health professional to unfuck their self esteems. It often includes unlearning everything they learnt about love as children, which is a massive task in itself.
People can be extremely broken despite being functional overall, and you are spot on that it is very common.
[–]Liberaler 8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This is true, but does not apply to the initial phase, when she does not even know you and nothing has happened yet. In this phase flaking in many cases has nothing to do with you, but intervening factors in her life.
[–]1Peachman 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bingo
[–]WanyCaleb 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you and good night!
[–]nanoepoch 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You should always avoid anyone with serious red flags.
[–]ImAGhostOooooooo 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Are you really comparing DA and SA to you not getting a second date? Seriously? Insensitive much?
[–]texaspete3 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
this is a weird post. Relationships are hard, and they take constant work. simple as that. Its not as easy as i want to be with them.
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[–]cobraCL 6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]FaithInStrangers94 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]cobraCL 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Liberaler 8 points9 points10 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]1Peachman 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WanyCaleb 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nanoepoch 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ImAGhostOooooooo 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]texaspete3 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link