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[–]nevertextgoodnight 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Stop contacting her. Go silent till you hear from her. You'll know if she's really interested or not. If she's a challenging girl it might take around a week to hear from her. If you don't hear from her you'll get your answer
Also why are you talking about what you want your "future gf" to be like. You should not be talking about the future in any way within 3 dates, maybe if you're joking like "I could see you in a bikini on the beach this summer" but even then it's thin ice.
I just reread your post, it seems like you're doing things 55% right and just hanging by a thread. Tighten up your game, mirror her interest level. Do what I said in the first paragraph. She prob thinks she's got you in the bag so time to take a step back
Also keep in mind it's one thing to get a few shit tests, but if a girl is constantly challenging you take note as a red flag. It's not just you in the hot seat, she has flaws too. And if she's a head ache now, it'll only get worse.
[–]George97o 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the advice! I'll pull back for at least a week and see. Indeed she probably thinks she got me in the bag already. I'll play a little hard to get too.
Also why are you talking about what you want your "future gf" to be like
I do that to put myself in the judging position, to be the one who's judging wether or not she's gonna get a chance with me or not. But I guess my mistake is that I shouldn't verbalize it, or at least I should do it in a playful way? My goal was to be a playful challenge but I don't think it worked that well.
Yeah I could see that if things continue the way they are now and we'd get to a relationship, she'd probably act bitchy and try to dominate/control me all the time, even though deep down she likely doesn't want that and would lose respect for me if she gets that. But I don't want a relationship or hookup where I'm in a constant frame battle with a girl and I can't relax. I'll see if she changes and if not, she's not girlfriend material (at least).
[–]nevertextgoodnight 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Don't verbalize anything about "what you want" it'll just create bad habits. But it's good you're screening for things. If she tries to bring things up like that you just say "I like living in the moment and enjoying new experiences with interesting people. Especially if they're physically attractive" Something to always bring it back to the moment and away from the future talk. This allows you to be mysterious and charming without putting out relationship vibes. Now she's curious.
Also, 3 dates is good honestly. Most guys here can't get 1 date let alone 3 so she must like you a decent amount which is why you got away with some mistakes. So she's testing you a lot cause after 3 dates she's really got to consider longer term compatibility, at least sub consciously. So you got to tighten up. She's going to pull back to see if you flip out. She might try to cancel a date. She might give you "I'm just so busy right now" if you try to set a date.
If she pulls back you wait it out
If she tries to cancel abruptly (30 minutes before a date), you got to politely let her know that is unacceptable behavior
If she says she's busy just ghost till she contacts you. No need to respond to a flaky blow off text
Those are hypotheticals but at least one will come up if you guys get to the 2-3 month mark so be ready
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don't verbalize anything about "what you want" it'll just create bad habits.
Oh damn, didn't realize it will get to bad habits! How do I convey what I want from a woman though? Like, I've noticed many girls will follow you and do what you want, when they're attracted to you, and they can be in any way the guy wants, even this girl told me this in a more indirect way, but how do you let them know what you want so they know how to please you when they like you a lot?
If she tries to bring things up like that you just say "I like living in the moment and enjoying new experiences with interesting people. Especially if they're physically attractive" Something to always bring it back to the moment and away from the future talk. This allows you to be mysterious and charming without putting out relationship vibes. Now she's curious.
Gotcha, will do!
So you got to tighten up. She's going to pull back to see if you flip out. She might try to cancel a date. She might give you "I'm just so busy right now" if you try to set a date.
What do you mean by tighten up in this case? Just ghost her till she comes back?
She also told me twice before our 3rd date that she wants to come on the date but she's quite busy with studies bla bla. First time I waited for another week and just talked more over text and tried to escalate sexually there as well but she acted aloof and oftentimes said just stuff like "if you say so". Next time she said she's busy and all, I confronted her over text saying I wanna meet her and see where things go and if we'll be compatible for a relationship or not and that we can't do that over text. So I got her this way too the 3rd date. But I guess this is pushing things and I'm chasing her too much while she's acting like she couldn't care if I leave or not, even if her body language is telling me she likes me.
[–]nevertextgoodnight 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When I said "what you want" I meant relationship talk. Don't start talking about anything that implies a relationship. Just focus on having fun with her and creating positive emotions.
Also, yeah when I say tighten up I meant don't chase her. I think you realized you chased her a bit but it seemed to work out. Again you got away with it now but it might not happen again. So keep your texting short and sweet, give her that space and let her come to you when she's ready. After a 3rd date a girl would typically be initiating you first so pull back like we talked about to start creating the space for her to invest into you by texting you first. Then you can set up the next date and just be a fun guy for her to relax from her studies and be romantic with, with no expectations of a relationship.
Cheers
[–]jsbach123 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Instead of expecting her to invest more, you should simply invest less.
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Alright thanks
[–]jsbach123 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I've had plenty of shit dates where the woman didn't seem to want be there. At some point, you have to accept the sad fact she's just not into you.
Women are keenly aware when you like her more than she likes you. And in trying to make her invest more, she'll sense your one sided interest even more.
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Alright I get it though I think it's my fault for coming on too hot because otherwise she's giving me lots of signs of attraction indirectly, and she's been on 3 dates with me, that doesn't happen when she's not interested
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
she's been on 3 dates with me, that doesn't happen when she's not interested
Yes, it does. You’re giving her attention and boosting her ego because the guy she’s having sex with doesn’t have this kind of time for her.
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
That might be possible but she's down to have it with me as well, just playing hard to get and taking up the Madonna look so she doesn't seem easy. I won't come to a conclusion just yet
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Even if she sleeps you, she still doesn’t respect you. You obviously don’t value yourself much either. Based on how she treats you there’s no reason to be with her.
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Mate she's playing hard to get but she's not acting full on aloof and uninterested. Girls play hard to get a lot when they're screening for a potential boyfriend.
It does seem possible that she's not respecting me fully but it's my fault cause I came on too hot and didn't work enough to create fun and more attraction, while also acting a bit too arrogant.
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Also, she’s not playing hard to get. She is delaying sex because she doesn’t want you. She already knows you’re desperate so you’re a perfect mark. But, you’ll find out the hard way.
Nah mate she's showing indirect signs of attraction and interest, even if she's not fully in the hook point yet. I'll pull back more and be more fun so I don't seem desperate.
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You can’t hide the fact that you’re desperate, you have already made it obvious.
Just remember these comments when she dumps you or starts treating you even worse. Just remember.
[–]revente 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
1st have sex with her. Then withdraw a little.
Alright will do that.
[–]stanthemilkman88 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Medium is the message. You're throwing all this attention at her causing attention inflation making it worth less.
You pull back, don't call. If she doesn't then there is the message.
You can't make other people do anything.
[–]rhofire 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You need to dump this girl already. You’re asking the wrong question. She doesn’t like you or respect you. Unless you want to too get hurt very badly, let her go and never take her back.
If she didn't like me, why would she go on 3 dates with me, while also kissing and sharing her life stories with me?
Because she has low sel-esteem and wants the attention. Whoever she’s sleeping with ignores her and guys like you keep her entertained.
[–]TheTruth221 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
i leave her on red and tell her i got something important to tell her then never tell her
How does it help? Oftentimes when I do that the girl just says "fine don't say it"
[–]CocoBabeNYC 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Whatever she's doing it's working.
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[–]nevertextgoodnight 7 points8 points9 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]George97o 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]nevertextgoodnight 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]nevertextgoodnight 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jsbach123 3 points4 points5 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]jsbach123 2 points3 points4 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]revente 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]stanthemilkman88 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheTruth221 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]George97o 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CocoBabeNYC 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link