i used to think i'm a loner by choice,but i feel like it's something i keep telling myself to feel better...

cass2769 · 2022-04-24T17:02:34+00:00

It sounds like you are at a crossroads in life trying to figure out what you want. And that’s totally ok and very normal. I think that a good way to get out of a rut is to try new things. Try a new activity, take a class, travel to a new place.

My instinct is that you have always viewed yourself one way and trying new things and putting yourself into new situations will help you learn about different sides of your personality.

This will lead you to a better appreciation of yourself and may give you clarity on whether you want a partner. And there’s no rush to decide. So things that are fun now. Observe the “campfire rule” of “leave everyone better than or at least the same as you found them”

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-04-24T16:23:58+00:00

You are the stories you keep telling yourself.

Artist-in-Residence- · 2022-04-24T16:05:09+00:00

Question: Do you want to kiss her?

passengerpigeon20 · 2022-04-24T16:05:38+00:00

What country do you live in, how tall are you and how would you rate your face out of 10? Also, have women ever flirted with you?

knueverl17 · 2022-04-24T18:27:51+00:00

Don’t mistake loneliness for low self-value. You’re allowed to feel lonely while being a bad-ass

LoveableSometimes · 2022-04-25T00:17:46+00:00

You sound like a nice kid. Delete yourself from this subreddit. I'm a guy but have learned. This sub treats all women as game to be hunted. It ain't like that. It's better if you focus on your studies and career rather than wasting time trying to get laid by random "chicks" (ironically). I was successful a lot at your age, but it's all meaningless. Focus on yourself. get some wide scope hobbies and be presentable at work/studies.

A_Wild_Zeus_Chase · 2022-04-24T17:46:08+00:00

First, understand it’s ok to feel confused. It’s a strange time to be a man.

Before, being a man was easier, because you knew what to do. You did what society expected of you: you fought when pushed, didn’t talk about your feelings, etc.

But now, the previous ideal “strong silent type” has been discredited (and rightly so), but now many think we’ve gone to far in the other direction.

Your post made me think, this is someone who does not know how to be a man to a woman, and does not know where to start. But that is not your fault. If society does not know what it wants men to be, how could you possibly know either?

I don’t pretend to know the answer, but I can tell you what sounded right to me: the concept of a “tender defender”.

Keep the strength from the previous ideal, but use it only in defense if needed. Keep the kindness and consideration from the new ideal, but understand that some people assume that kindness is a weakness to exploit. And when you encounter those people, don’t be afraid to push back. Your have a right to be treated with dignity, and to respond harshly to anyone who does otherwise.

Maybe this post wasn’t helpful. If you want actual specifics on how to interact in a romantic settings, I’ve given some in previous responses, but I didn’t think that’s what you needed most.

Regardless of time and place, women always want a “man”. So your first objective should be to discover what type of man you wish to be, and then try to model your actions on that ideal.

I believe that when you do that, and you continue to interact with society in places that women are present, you will find someone. Good luck, and remember that 20 is still very young. There is lots of time to improve and grow, the most important thing is to keep learning and trying.

NothingIndependent75 · 2022-04-25T07:29:19+00:00

You're 100% not a loner by choice. Very few people are. I'm going to keep things simple and clear, you have to step out of your comfort zone and change a lot. I've been there.

DayItchy8584 · 2022-04-25T10:15:55+00:00

Hey man, like anything in life you need to have a plan for moving from point A to point B. Contrary to what your mind, what society and what pop culture might tell you, men don't naturally know how to form relationships, much less foster them or, when needed, end them in a healthy way. This is something all men must learn to do. The clues for current competencies in the relationship department lie in all our circumstances growing up and learned experiences as well as our openness to taking risk and trying new experiences.

The good side is that anyone can learn. But it's a tough journey and you'll feel an awful lot of anxiety. If you want to learn a musical instrument, a craft, a sport, a profession, you have to learn it, probably from more than one person. Then you have to practice it and accept looking stupid because you're a beginner, and keep going until you get better. Relationships are the same.

You might not even know what a learning path looks like. So what are you doing to learn more about what you're going through?

ResponsibilityKey427 · 2022-04-24T20:13:13+00:00

You rated yourself an 8 but you don’t like dating apps?

Title	i used to think i'm a loner by choice,but i feel like it's something i keep telling myself to feel better...
Author	MilcoieniiDeJos
Upvotes	70
Comments	32
Date	April 24, 2022 3:59 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/uaxumy/i_used_to_think_im_a_loner_by_choicebut_i_feel/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-used-to-think-im-a-loner-by-choicebut-i-feel.1261275 https://theredarchive.com/post/1261275

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