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[–]Global-Bridge-6787 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Confidence comes from constant action and taking risks where you will inevitably be the novice. Surround yourself with likeminded goals with a nonjudgmental perspective.
Also consider reading the Confidence Gap by Russ Harris. He talks about his alcoholism in his 20s as a way of coping with meeting women and his trajectory into medical school.
[–]Alive-Doughnut2345 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you I’m going to look into that book
[–]Artist-in-Residence- 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (31 children) | Copy Link
Confidence comes from being loved. If you've been loved unconditionally, you will always have confidence.
Most people come from broken families or abusive families and those who didn't have mentors who looked out for them ultimately lack that kind of confidence.
Confidence is inner strength and you can't have that without love.
[–]Y615 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I believe this to be true.
But not many people agree to this which makes me less agreeing to it.
[–]Alive-Doughnut2345 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (29 children) | Copy Link
So what am I supposed to do then
[–]Help_Support-Account 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Fake it till you make it unfortunately. Even though you might not feel confident, you still have to be confident in order to have success. So in order to get that you have to just fake the confidence until faking it becomes obsolete because you have now gained actual positive results and feedback, generating true confidence within yourself.
[–]Artist-in-Residence- -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
May I ask if you had a tyrannical, abusive father?
[–]Help_Support-Account 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No? Why would you ask?
[–]Artist-in-Residence- 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It seems to me that you did
[–]Alive-Doughnut2345 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Yeah okay WE GET IT your upbringing plays a role stop asking for people’s childhood accounts
[–]Artist-in-Residence- 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
From the way you talk, I assume your father was abusive.
Am I right?
[–]Alive-Doughnut2345 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Not at all. Like not in the slightest. This stuff is not all black and white
[–]Artist-in-Residence- 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Sorry I meant that for Tony.
For you I think you had an absent father...
Were you born out of wedlock if I may ask?
[–]Alive-Doughnut2345 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Absent sounds more accurate
[–]Artist-in-Residence- 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Why did your dad abandon you?
[–]Alive-Doughnut23451 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I’m done with your bullshit interviews.
[–]Artist-in-Residence- 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
It's a catch-22. You don't develop confidence until you've been loved.
[–]Alive-Doughnut2345 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
Great. I guess forget it then. I’ll just have to keep trying things out until I find something that works. Confidence can go fuck itself because it’s not happening
[–]Artist-in-Residence- 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
What do you fear most?
[–]Alive-Doughnut2345 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
Wasting my life
[–]Artist-in-Residence- 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
What is your relationship like with your parents?
[–]Alive-Doughnut2345 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Rocky to say the least. I’m pretty much only loved if I’m making good use of myself. Granted I’m also really need to move out. But I can’t help but feel like it was similar in my late childhood to teens as well. (I could be wrong though)
[–]Artist-in-Residence- 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Was your mother really critical of you? How do you view your father?
[–]Alive-Doughnut2345 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Not necessarily critical but not really emotionally supportive at all. But even if they were I would close myself off because I had this rebellious self assurance my whole life. It made me cringe to be loved especially from the parents. Like ew fuck off I’m fine y’know. Strength. Gotta be tough
[–]Artist-in-Residence-1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I had this rebellious self assurance my whole life. It made me cringe to be loved especially from the parents. Like ew fuck off I’m fine y’know.
Is that why you run away from love? That perhaps you think if that person got to really know you, they would despise you like your mum?
Maybe subconsciously but I can’t confirm. It was more like a high self regard and a disdain for weakness and vulnerability
[–]Artist-in-Residence-0 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
You can't have a high self regard if you lack confidence. You're filled with self-hate instead. You hate yourself, you think poorly of yourself, that's why you're afraid to love, and that's why you run away from any type of intense emotion.
You rather not feel anything at all and be comfortable.
[–]Mr-Kabuki 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Ok but are you actually approaching?
Not nearly as much as I should be but it’s fuckin’ hard.
[–]Mr-Kabuki 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yea man start slow. Over time you will become more comfortable with it and your confidence will increase. Start with just asking for directions and saying hi. Then later add on a compliment. Then add another sentence until your having convos with girls.
I agree. It’s better than sitting around doing fuck-all about it.
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[–]Y615 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Artist-in-Residence- -1 points0 points1 point (9 children) | Copy Link
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