Not sure how to feel about dating as a man

appmanga · 2021-09-11T02:05:31+00:00

This fucks with my self worth especially when I constantly see women online and in real life complain about how awful the men in their dating lives are. men that abuse, ignore, mistreat, are rude, immature, use women for sex, etc etc. so many awful sounding men from what I hear but apparently im still not good enough? What the fuck is wrong with me that I am so ugly and undesireable to nearly every women?

I'm going to say what I have to say, and you're probably not going to like it.

That paragraph sounds like to what would come from an immature pitiful loser who just doesn't get it. If the actions of others affect your self-esteem, you don't have self-esteem. You sound desperate and even bitter, and as much as you try to disguise it, that will come through in your interactions.

I say this often, and it bears repeating: it sounds like all you have to offer someone who gets involved with you is clinginess, doubt, and the need to tread on eggshells to not trigger your neurosis. Who needs that?

Just like you work on your body you have to work on your mind. You have to do better at coping with disappointment and failure because life has a lot of both.

I was an antisocial hermit due to anxiety, shyness, bullying, depression, and low self esteem for most of my life. Right now I am much better in every aspect but still nervous at times.

You talk about these things in the past tense, and yet you can still have your self-image and self-belief cratered when you don't get what you want. There's nothing wrong in being nervous. There's nothing wrong with outright fear; the thing is to learn how to manage those very human emotions. You have to start having perspective and proportion. For most of us, dating is a numbers game. In my most active days, I expected to fail 19 out of 20 times. If I did better than that, I was elated, and I often did. People have mindsets that drive their choices, and there's no magic to overcome that, but you need to know whether it's a man or a woman, we all want the same basic things. It comes down to who we think is capable of giving them to us, and if we want them from them.

Online dating is one of the worse things to ever happen to the dating world because it offers what seems like an easy solution to a difficult issue. It's to your credit you don't just rely on that one tool, and you shouldn't expect too much from it because it plays into too many people's belief that they're one swipe away from the perfect mate and it's probably the most handsome/beautiful photo they see. Online dating is just another Pavlovian trick under the umbrella of social media, something none of us should put too much value in.

Still, until you really like you, don't expect anyone else to do so. You should be content with self-approval for your accomplishments. Your self-esteem should come from being an honest, competent, caring person, not from the shape of your body, or the clothes you wear, or the women you get. You should be able to stand naked in a hall of mirrors and love and admire the person you see because of who he is, what he's done, and what he can do. That he can manage, and overcome, fear, doubt, and difficulty. That he's not a prisoner of his past, and is looking forward to the future and the opportunities to do even more to make his life what he wants it to be.

The other thing you need to know is there are a lot of women looking for that guy because he's confident, capable of taking control, and making his way through tough times with determination and certainty. He's a good listener and can be counted on to do what's right even when it's not easy. He's not afraid of risk, or walking away from situations that would compromise how he feels about what he values.

You need to become that person not for them, but for you. Confidence, humor, honesty, and trustworthiness are four pillars that will never fail you when it comes to getting women. As you work on becoming your best you, work on developing those pillars as part of your interactions with everyone and they will flow naturally when you interact with a women who gets your interest. None of this is as hard as some may think, and I hope you'll apply yourself.

Good luck.

hotlinehelpbot · 2021-09-10T23:11:57+00:00

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dertdurdur · 2021-09-11T01:58:30+00:00

They aren't looking for someone

ketchup308 · 2021-09-11T00:47:28+00:00

Look guy, lose reddit and go from there. Don't ask any one, it's your life you gotta know how to fix it, if this doesn't work, try something else. Keep trying, but loose reddit.

Nofapdeity · 2021-09-11T01:33:17+00:00

Women do have it easier but who cares?

I used to care about that stuff A LOT, but these days it just doesn’t bother me as much. I think college has a lot to do with that. If some girl doesn’t like me, then I don’t text her or meet up.

Don’t ask out coworkers. Make good friends. Have some fun. Drink a little, smoke, whatever your thing is. Of course don’t abuse it, but learn how to have fun.

I’ll tell you a story. I cold approached a pair of girls recently and I got a very good vibe from them. Played a game of pool with one of them, and I got her social media. I texted her, she left me on read. Did it suck? Yea, I mean I wasted time on her and it made me feel like I did something creepy. Did I approach a PAIR of friends and get a socials close? Fuck yea.

Just vibe. If you see a cute girl approach her.

Title	Not sure how to feel about dating as a man
Author	Siraloneknights
Upvotes	5
Comments	6
Date	September 10, 2021 11:11 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/plvvym/not_sure_how_to_feel_about_dating_as_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/not-sure-how-to-feel-about-dating-as-a-man.1276355 https://theredarchive.com/post/1276355

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