[deleted by user]

2012-01-07T08:03:26+00:00

Just approach and fail consistently. The thing is, knowing all the theory in the world is useless if you are too nervous to hold a conversation. The more you approach, the less nervous you'll get, the more you can start thinking on your feet and apply that theory.

Another thing, it's about consistency and repetition rather than doing crazy things. It's better to do 5 approaches every day, than 30 approaches in one day. This game is all about consistency, you MUST be consistent or you'll fall behind.

30vanquish · 2012-01-07T12:24:15+00:00

Okay here's real world advice. My first for the new year.

Don't dress up so much for the mall, it can look really out of place. I used to place a lot of importance on my clothes, the older and fatter I get the less I gave a shit about looking pimp and more about being comfortable and fitting my surroundings, and the more I realise it has no impact on how other people perceive you.

Funny story about that. We hit the wrist band craze a good couple years before it hit my city, and so I started wearing them constantly. We were also at the top of our fashion in regards to awesome boots, flared jeans, etc. But it got to the point where I couldn't go to the shops for a pie without wearing EVERYTHING and looking completely out of place. Until one day I put it all down, and said: No more. That was a great day.

It's normal to feel lonely and anxious, and in that situation it makes a good opener. Any man who can admit he's lonely and anxious to a stranger about talking to them is usually given a free pass from the shame because most everyone can identify with being lonely and anxious.

I read a great book when I was younger, Radical Honesty, which despite its craziness and shortcomings taught me that in moments of horrible anxiety, a great way out is just to say it. Caution: It can fuck up a lot of relationships, but still ... man, living on the edge! It's exhilirating.

Don't bother talking to shop attendants. I mean, really. Don't. Just, don't. You'll never be able to seperate whether they like you from whether they're trying to do their job, and in some cases trying to wrap things up at the end can really ruin their day.
But do go and do something you want to do. Go check out clothes, go to the cafe, sit down, drink something, and start opening. Go into the supermarket and wander the shelves with something and chat up about what you're looking for, or cooking later, or even that you just like the look of the girl, whatever. That's super how it's meant to be done. It's meant to seem natural, or in the case of just going up saying they're cute - spontaneous. If you were doing it properly, the opening would very hardly every fail, I assure you.
As for you feeling like a creeper, well you might have come off as a creeper. Okay let's get super serious for a second... you are actually a stranger to these people and they have no idea who you are, what you're going through, what you want... and they have their own lives to live. You really can't expect anything, good or bad.

But most importantly, almost every guy I've seen do pickup, unless they're having success - are doing it horribly horribly wrong and really do look like scum of the earth creepers. Sorry dude, that's the breaks. That's what you have to go through to come out amazing. So, you'll have just have keep your heart in the right place, try not to let it fuck you up (many guys will turn bitter and never recover properly), and soldier on.

Hope that helps ...

Shababubba · 2012-01-07T09:06:20+00:00

It's only weird if YOU think it's weird.

WcO · 2012-01-07T07:43:09+00:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exposure_therapy

2012-01-07T20:20:50+00:00

yeh..

Stop putting pressure on yourself. I wouldn't go out to get numbers.

I would go out to get a new shirt/shoes/TV what ever. Not going to buy shit, but in my mind I am. Totally removes any anxiety. Then when I am there, be aware, and ready for any opportunities. any excuse to talk to a girl is valid: "Eh? Where is X?" "Oh.so hungry. Know where the food court is?" "EXcuse me...I am going on a date tomorrow. Do you like this shirt on me?" ...whatever...whatever! Anything!

TRy try try try, and always fail. Don't walk away without having failed first. Or better, having gotten the #.

Also. Do you dress up when you are buying a TV? No. So don't.

Richandler · 2012-01-07T16:46:01+00:00

and kept walking

Oh so you were approaching people walking from one place to another? That's really hard to do, from a few sources I've seen recently. (I looked it up because I was trying to do the same sort of thing.) Better to approach girls who are currently stopped doing something like looking at a particular piece of clothing or stopped for some other reason.

You know how the people working in some booths try to stop customers walking by? They're like "what kind of phone you got?" or whatever. You can see them eyeing you long before you get to them and you just want to avoid them? I just had that observation and thought that might also be part of the reason: people walking don't want to be stopped.

idimmu · 2012-01-07T16:48:01+00:00

I think the issue is you're totally not outcome independent.

You can deal with asking for directions or harassing shop workers because you're not after a particular outcome, and you're still beating yourself up over 1 failed approach 2 months ago..

You're going to have to deal with that. Personally when I approach it's to find out if they're cool enough to be worth my time and single.

You're already not getting laid from day game, so doing loads of cold approaches that fail isn't going to make your situation any worse is it, and it'll get you some real actual experience that you can then base future interactions on, as well as a self esteem and social conditioning injection.

2012-01-07T18:49:44+00:00

OP, your current mindset is: "I am going to get out to successfully open and bang these hot cuties." This creates anxiety and AA because you're creating a condition to feel fulfilled. Your new mindset is: "I am going out to learn how to handle rejection."

Try this as an experiment: forget about indirect openers for one day. Go direct all day, it will majorly help you get over your AA. Walk up to cute girls without hiding your intentions. Smile, act super confident, project your voice, maintain eye contact, and tell her she's cute and that you wanted to meet her. Vibe with her. If the cat's purring, pet it; aka: get her #.

2012-01-07T09:08:22+00:00

This is all about pushing your limits. No magic potion gonna do that for you. Stop complaning.

AnAdventureCore · 2012-01-07T15:43:19+00:00

Have you read Psycho-Cyberneics?

2012-01-07T19:00:42+00:00

Be comfortable with failure. don't expect yourself to be perfect always.

lim1290 · 2012-01-09T05:17:30+00:00

I've been having a VERY similar issue. I think the whole "stop building it up" thing is good advice; it might help to try somewhere else too, just to reset your mind in a new place.

Leshow · 2012-01-07T16:47:36+00:00

Go caveman. Don't shower or shave or dress nice. You're just putting pressure on yourself by building it up. Detach yourself from what you think they think of you.

Also, I rarely do a cold approach. In public I will catch her eye, make sure I don't break contact, then wink or smile. After that I just go up and say hi, no need for any other opener.

2012-01-07T13:42:14+00:00

You just fucking do it.

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	30
Comments	33
Date	January 7, 2012 7:13 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/o6jaw/how_do_i_get_over_my_fear_of_cold_approaching_aa/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1326662 https://theredarchive.com/post/1326662

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