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[–]RedrunGun 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Listen. There is no limitation on who you are. That's something you decide. We all start off with specific talents and weaknesses, but that doesn't determine what you'll be good and bad at the end. Where you place your focus determines that.
[–]Turlast 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Can you give us more detail? There's not a lot to assess.
[–]Yovi93 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I'll try anyway. So, I do have awful approach aniexity, have no idea what the best method is, and surely don't have the confidence to do so. I mean, I'm great at making friends when I don't feel pressured, but as soon as a cute girl comes along I get pressured to not be a total idiot. It just happens, it's not something I can turn on and off.
[–]marthdotsk 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I'm great at making friends when I don't feel pressured
There's your key indicator. In other circumstances, you feel pressure coming from somewhere. And I can tell you right off the bat that this pressure comes from yourself.
And yes, you can control that. With a lot of work (which is the line everyone hates to hear/read). This won't happen overnight, but this won't happen at all if you don't push yourself to try and not take failure as some sort of dishonor. Failure is for you to analyze so you can apply the proper fixes to your approaches. Being afraid of this is pretty much being afraid to learn.
Embrace failure. Be prepared to experience it a lot. Nobody's a success without going through this. Nobody!
[–]Yovi93 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the advice, I'll try, but I feel I really have an uphill battle ahead.
[–]bjlmag 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You do, and that's normal. You're learning a skill, and just like every other skill humans learn, it takes practice and you'll be bad at it for a while. If you want to become confident, you have to put in the work, suffer through the awkward stage, and know that you will come out better on the other side if you keep it up.
[–]marthdotsk 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And you'll be all the prouder for winning it!
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[M] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Removing this post because it consists only of a title. Either re-post with content in the post, or EDIT the post to contain content, and I will put it right back up.
Don't make people sift through comments to get content that should be in the original post.
[–]NTSpike1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Try thinking about what you're actually doing to get out of the slump.
I've found myself in many slumps in the last few years. I've gone from being able to approach almost 100 girls in a week (on a college campus) to just a few months later being too anxious to walk to the gym alone and face people. I've gone from sleeping with multiple girls at a time to going months with absolutely nothing.
Any time I find myself in the slump, I get out of it by DOING. When I'm stuck in the slump, oftentimes I spend most of my time thinking, planning, and analyzing, rather than actually just DOING THE THING that will make my situation better.
In your case, you have awful approach anxiety. Me too. If I don't lean into it my approach anxiety comes back HARD. I'm very naturally passive.
The only way to make approach anxiety go away is by approaching. Simple question, are you approaching? Are you committing? In any moment you're either allowing your anxiety to grow or you're choosing to diminish it by ignoring it and acting anyway.
Find ways to keep yourself accountable. Put money on the line. Get friends to push you and not let you off the hook.
It's okay if you find yourself in a slump. It's not okay if you let yourself STAY in the slump.
[–]marthdotsk -1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Or is just who I am?
Who you are is NOT definitive. In my opinion, there is not a more defeatist position than "Well that's how I am, I can't change that". The reason being: that's bullshit.
Focus more on who you want to be than "who you are" and get to that point.
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[–]RedrunGun 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Turlast 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Yovi93 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]marthdotsk 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Yovi93 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]bjlmag 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]marthdotsk 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NTSpike1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]marthdotsk -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link