~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
[deleted]
[–]Bricemck 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Your desperation is clearly visible. Stop it.
Do you honestly think women would be attracted to this? Women like confidence and strength of character and this is neither. You’ve got to do some things to get your sense of self respect back.
Stop degrading yourself and go hit the gym tomorrow.
[–]mindmonkey00 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
I told you I understand being desperate makes me seem like a chump. I'll deal with that myself. My main concern is finding a girl to sleep with. I don't need to be told I'm acting like a pathetic loser. That's irrelevant. The bottom line is that I'm depressed and pathetic because of my virginity and nothing else is going to matter until that is taken care of. Of course, I don't know if sex will make a major difference but I know I'd be better off being disappointed than feeling tortured never experiencing it. Unless you're going to actually help me by telling me advice a non-desperate person would do to get laid, then it doesn't matter. I didn't come here to get judged. You may think you're helping, but you're actually being extremely condescending. I want to improve myself.
[–]Bricemck 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
You misunderstand.
YOU WILL NOT GET LAID UNTIL YOU STOP ACTING PATHETIC
That’s step one through motherfucking ten.
Nothing I say will help you until you deflate your ego and see what you are actually doing.
And honestly it’s pretty easy to get laid after that but damn I don’t think you even realize how scummy your messages make you look.
[–]mindmonkey00 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
I get it. It's not helping my case. But let's take the focus off my mindset for one minute. If I feel I have an opportunity then that will give me enough of the confidence I need. The focus shouldn't simply be self improvement. It should also be combined with actively getting to know girls and practicing flirting. The most important thing is finding those opportunities.
[–]Bricemck 3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
No no no!
Your mindset is trash. Your goal must be self improvement. Looking only to get laid will have you searching for shortcuts. You are running a marathon backwards and expecting results.
We can’t help you with your current focus.
[–]brianbria 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Dude. You sound like a military instructor. I don't think your message are of any help to OP. Nothing you said is empathetic or practical. Most of what you said is just using strong words and although it seems flashy and bold, there is no substance.
[–]Bricemck 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fair enough.
[–]flashgordon_12 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You claim you don't care "if it sounds pathetic" or that you "shouldn't put pussy on a pedestal." But the fact of the matter is you DO care, you've let society dictate your worth based on your ability/inability to have sex.
I do in fact know what being an adult virgin is like, I didn't get laid until my late 20s. It was a 3rd date at my place. Afterwards, she was extremely surprised to find out I was a virgin beforehand, since she didn't get that kind of vibe from me throughout the 3 dates. It was honestly one of the greatest complements I've ever received. Do you HONESTLY think that you'll stay a virgin until your death, 50 or 60 years from now? Even if you do die a virgin, it is pretty presumptuous to think anyone would care. Your tombstone isn't gonna say "Here lies mindmonkey00, who died forever a virgin." Your death won't be defined by your virginity, so don't let that shit define you while you live either. You need to focus on 1) learning to love yourself and 2) having a good time
[–]mindmonkey00 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think you're being a little presumptuous. I'm not worried about what people think. I want sex because it's something human beings desire by nature. It's damaging to be starved of it and you can clearly tell I'm in turmoil.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's damaging because of your fixation on sex. Not because of the simple lack of it.
It's damaging because you think that being "normal" means something like you've had sex or you have regular sex or something.
[–]brianbria 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago* (14 children) | Copy Link
If just getting laid is your goal, then go to a brothel.
If I were you and I wanted sex with a girl that wanted me not for money but because she was attracted or just horny, then I would do the following:
Develop your social circle first and become friends with fun guys that go out a lot. This can seriously help over the long run. They will invite you to parties, bars, they will show you how they get laid, you will emulate them, they may help you with fashion and working out etc. So get a good group of cool guy friends first, if nothing else your self esteem will go up.
Talk to new girls every week. Tell them exactly what is going through your mind. E.g "I'm thinking you're very attractive, and I'd like to go home with you." in a confident and seductive tone of voice.
Roll with the rejections
Watch girls body language and constantly be moving things forward. If a girl leans into you, whisper in her ear, touch her back, kiss her neck etc. If a girl leans back, stop. If a girl is staying still, check to see if she is scared or just indifferent. But constantly be aware of her, as well as yourself.
[–]mindmonkey00 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I'd love to develop my social. I don't have a lot of opportunity though since I'm almost out of college.
[–]brianbria 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
meetup.com
go to events that you are interested in, talk to people, the people you click with get their fb, ask them out again to different things, make friends, profit.
[–]mindmonkey00 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This has worked for you? I tried it and it was mostly middle age people. It wasn't really something that would work for me.
[–]brianbria 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I don't have a lot of opportunity though since I'm almost out of college. This has worked for you? I tried it and it was mostly middle age people. It wasn't really something that would work for me.
I don't have a lot of opportunity though since I'm almost out of college.
When I hear these sentences I feel pissed off. I'm imagining you're shooting down useful advice that I'm helping out with.
[–]mindmonkey00 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I didn't mean to shoot down your advice. I just struggle with not getting sex and it makes me frustrated. Sorry if I sounded rude. Maybe I just need a new approach to meetup and I'm joining the wrong clubs. I'm sure you've made a lot of great friends there.
[–]brianbria 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
OK... well how many times did you try it? There's tonnes of groups. Some have older people, and some have younger and mixed ages.
Join sport clubs like mixed volleyball, tennis etc in your area or dance classes or yoga classes, great ways to meet women and improve the quality of your life.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
College is not the be-all, end-all. I've had a FAR better social life AFTER college, than I ever had while in it.
And there are so many options:
Hash runs. Trail running + beer + fit people = win
Couchsurfing meets. Hang with travelers and people who like to be around travelers.
Social partner dancing. Salsa, Tango, Lindy hop, West coast swing, etc. You really can't go wrong. Learn something fun and have an excuse to be close to a girl in a fun and non-threatening way. Also, you're going to learn how to get comfortable being in close and touching a girl and learning how to know when and how they like being touched.
Download the Meet-up app. Scan for groups near you that you share an interest with. Older people, often, sure. But the core skill of "seduction" is socializing. So if you're sitting around with an option to go talk to people, or sit alone at home, it's better to go build your skill set.
[–]mindmonkey00 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That was really detailed and informative. I learned a lot. Thank you.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Step one is not possible with social anxiety and autism; I have both.
Here's where I hope you don't go all RP on me and say "It's a fact of life that many guys have weak genetics, and women aren't for them."
Empathy suggests you find a suggestion that's not like "become some dumb party animal who knows everyone" or "pay for it" because I know guys with social anxiety AND autism who got laid without paying; I just don't know how they did it. I want suggestions.
I am disabled from all this by the way, not gonna lie.
[–]JenYen 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
So you're saying that nobody with social anxiety and autism has ever had a romantic relationship, ever had sex, or ever been married?
There are. There are 800 lb. People in this world who have sex partners. People with no legs. People with cancer. People with schizophrenia and BPD and people who see the Devil following them everywhere.
You think your social anxiety and autism is like, a Pokemon type negation. Like electricity doesn't affect ground types like an autistic person's advances are shunned by the entire sexually active population. Like what you are born as dictates what you become. It doesn't. But it does mean that you won't have a reference for how to reach your success. You have to find your own path to that goal. But you can achieve it, as long as you make that journey your own.
On one last note, public school teachers told me for 12 years that I was disabled and retarded because of my autism and I wouldn't be able to do any job more intensive than working a cash register. And here I am at age 25 with double bachelor degrees and working as a health professional in a field I love. Fuck the people who told you you can't do this or that because of what you were born as. They were angry and miserable and took it out on you so now you have to prove they were full of shit.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I think this is a very interesting reply.
Now, some good things and some bad things.
Like electricity doesn't affect ground types like an autistic person's advances are shunned by the entire sexually active population.
May I ask, are you a woman? (Not being snide, I feel it is better to ask if I don't know for sure, even with your username.) And if so, then I think you have some idea of what I mean here. Social awkwardness or anxiety does not make for a good approach, it can be interpreted by some women as creepy, as I'm told. A man's social finesse is profoundly important for women and I think if a guy lacks it, he probably can't "act" it. A lack of it leads to a perpetual "no" or "not interested"; having it gives a guy a good chance. The difference between both of these things, even if it's arbitrary, is gigantic.
You have to find your own path to that goal. But you can achieve it, as long as you make that journey your own.
If you knew more about my age--I can't be called young anymore--and various other circumstances probably you wouldn't be nearly as optimistic.
On one last note, public school teachers told me for 12 years that I was disabled and retarded because of my autism and I wouldn't be able to do any job more intensive than working a cash register.
I'm interested to know if that's your literal truth, like they actually used the R word. And either way, that's reprehensible.
In my case the problem is more of a terrible social anxiety which has led to years of avoidance. I don't have the overt autistic traits but I have enough things going on that you can't rule it out. I have sensory sensitivity, auditory processing issues (takes longer to process speech), extreme rigidity and routine, problems with interpreting language, trouble with reciprocating, a lot of things which fall under the autism umbrella. So I think it's definitely there but the social anxiety is the greater problem for me, than autism itself.
[–]JenYen 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I am male, 25 years old.
The point I wanted to make about the Pokemon type differences is that diseases which affect social functioning are not disabilities, they are stat modifiers. We both have conditions that affect our social functioning, autism and social anxiety, that each give us a -2 penalty to our "impress women" roll checks. That does not mean we cannot succeed. It means that fewer people would be interested. But even somebody with a -10 penalty can still roll a natural 20. As long as they didn't give up and kept trying no matter how many rejections they had.
At age 25 I've had 10 girlfriends, among which 6 of them became sexual partners. The other 4 were not comfortable enough with their bodies to show it off, not ready for sex even at age 23 which I highly respect because I don't believe people are truly emotionally mature enough for sex until their early-mid 20s, or they were Mormon and I was going through a "I want a traditional woman" phase.
I have had many, many rejections. I've given up many times and said nobody wanted me because of my autism and social anxiety. But the real disability is self-doubt. Doubt is what makes a person disable themselves from achieving happiness because then we miss the opportunities we didn't even need to work for. Many opportunities to have a relationship or a hookup with a great woman were lost because I told myself that they would never be interested in me.
Also your age does not matter. You're not dead. You're still in this.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As long as they didn't give up and kept trying no matter how many rejections they had.
Okay I shall admit the only rejections I've had were online, and it's not even all THAT many but that is only because I can't stomach it long enough to keep going. Most guys tell me to land a date--especially with my condition--I would have to literally contact thousands of women. And I literally HATE rejection it feels like someone is punching me in the gut (do you have rejection sensitivity?) and I have even found that over time, it doesn't improve very much, that sting is still there every time.
And it's so fucking bleak man. I see you're in the Asperger reddit now. You probably saw some of my recent posts there which reflect how I think about it--an autistic guy's "only saving grace" is higher education and/or money. I have neither. (If you saw a post of mine saying I've got money and genius, it's a sarcastic joke.) I'm not tall or particularly attractive either; I'm just average.
Look at the other posts in that thread over there. Guys in their 30s doing well in life, even with good attitudes, explaining they've never been on a single date. Observations of real life Aspie support groups where all the men have never been on a date whereas the Aspie women are talking about their new relationship(s), well, because they're a woman. (Let's not gloss over the truth, dating is MUCH easier for women, in general, doesn't even matter if they're autistic apparently.) Guys in their 40s saying they're foreveralone virgins (I'm not there yet, but I DON'T want to be there and my time is running out.)
Forgive me for more cynicism but I suspect that is because you've been successful with higher education and demonstrated a lot of ambition. Barring these things, my suspicion is you may not have had any relationships or flings. Now I am aware that's a very presumptuous statement, and you may be right to insult my pathetic ass over saying that, but remember I'm a cynical bastard. Life has taught me how it works, I've seen how it works. "Cynical" is how the world turns. To boil it down, women simply want guys who offer conventional value; higher education is definitely under that umbrella, it's a way to sidestep social difficulty, just like money.
I can see it all the time in the Asperger reddit. Every person saying "I had relationships/flings/FWBs" is either a highly educated man making good money, or a woman.
I welcome you to make an argument that disproves this cynical line of thought. I WANT to be wrong. I want to hear stories of disabled autistic men (pretty much what I am, although it's more "anxiety-based") who have had intimate relations with women, without heading to the escorts. Unfortunately, I have yet to hear anything good, when I ask about that.
[–]brianbria 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well unfortunately I don't think I have autism so it's more difficult for me to empathise with your situation and offer advice. Although I did have social anxiety and still do to some degree even now.
My advice would be ask those guys who have autism and got laid for advice. And/or watch them get with girls, and study them.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
TL;DR: Skip to #4, or read the whole thing.
____1____
I try tinder but I get the feeling I'm not enough of a model for that to work. Sometimes I can land a date but girls are so hesistant to get sexual.
It's not that you're not a model. It's that you're pushing too hard, apparently. Usually the first meet is like an interview to see if the other person is stable and not awkward in person.
If things aren't progressing from there, then you're allowing your preoccupation with sex to make shit really awkward and you're not connecting with these girls as you need to in order for anything to happen.
This is not just mindset. I'm talking about behavior. When you're socializing with a girl, you need your focus out in the world, gathering information that you can use to come up with conversation points and so you know how to make adjustments in your approach. Instead of now, where you're preoccupied with sex.
____2____
I'm a virgin and I desperately want to have sex. I don't care if it sounds pathetic. I don't care if I shouldn't put pussy on a pedestal.
You don't care.
But you want sex. So why the fuck wouldn't you care about what the girls want?
And what they want is to be seen as people, not just fuckholes or pussy on a pedestal. People like to be seen as people.
____3____
You don't know what being an adult virgin is like and how important sex is when you've never had it.
Get over yourself. It's reasonable to say that most of the guys in here either are adult virgins or were. I certainly was.
So how about we cut the damn pity party out and back the train up WAY the fuck up. You don't get to speak for us. And don't try to misrepresent us to justify these limiting mindsets you seem to be fighting to hold onto.
You may say sex isn't a big deal......you don't need to tell me.
What's more, your whole point here in bringing this up, was simply because of what you ASSUMED guys would say to you. Part of your obstacle here is that you're spending too much time IMAGINING social interactions instead of being in them. This is apparently just another example, in addition to your meets with Tinder girls.
And again, most of us here DO know what it's like to be where you are now. Those are just the facts. So don't try to tell US that it's impossible to calm the raging sex hormones down. Many of us did exactly that, before we were able to have sex.
____4: Something practical____
I'm thinking of trying bars and clubs just to score a ONS. I hear this is simplest way to get it over with. How has your experience been with this?
Look, here's the thing. Seduction isn't some special thing. It's socializing. So if you want to build the core set that leads to sex, you have to get your ass out there and socialize.
And it's going to be easiest if you're going out and socializing with everyone, not just women you want to have sex with.
For more details on this, brianbria actually did a good job describing this in his reply.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[M] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hello, this post is being removed for being too basic and already answered.
Your post is answered in the SIDEBAR
I would also recommend reading 10-20 of the top posts on Seddit: FOUND HERE
If you really want an answer, then please repost in /r/askseddit (not askReddit, but ask SEDDIT).
Thank you!
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]Bricemck 2 points3 points4 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]mindmonkey00 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Bricemck 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]mindmonkey00 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Bricemck 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]brianbria 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Bricemck 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]flashgordon_12 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]mindmonkey00 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]brianbria 1 point2 points3 points (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]mindmonkey00 1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]brianbria 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]mindmonkey00 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]brianbria 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]mindmonkey00 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]brianbria 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mindmonkey00 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]JenYen 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]JenYen 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]brianbria 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[M] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link