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[–]AlwaysLearningWork 51 points52 points53 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Just relax man, chill. You're pressuring her super hard when she is clearly into you and just wants to take things slow. Giving her deadlines and shit. You already agreed to be exclusive, that's basically a relationship already. Why do you need to put a label on it? The more you pressure her, the more she'll pull back and need more time.
You're way too focused on labels instead of enjoying your time with this girl. It's not good for you (As you said about your mental health) or her.
Seriously chill man, you got this in the bag, just keep hanging out and be intimate with her. If you care more about the label/your ego than the girl then you should just move on but I mean, come on.
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep yep yep. Been through this shit a few times and played both roles.
CHILL.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I appreciate your input man. I understand that the damage is done already. What is the best way to go about this now? In all honesty i don’t know what to do. Any advice would be good
[–]AlwaysLearningWork 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I mean, I'd just meet up with her, and have a good time. If she brings it up, just let her know that you don't want to put pressure on her, and you just enjoy spending time her. There's no need to overcomplicate things.
This way, you also avoid her telling you what you what you want to hear (Just to shut you up) then breaking up with you 5 days later because she feels trapped, having gone too far too fast for what she feels comfortable doing.
[–]Exmerus 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Keep hanging out as normal. You literally are describing a relationship, you guys just don't have the label yet. And that's fine. My 2 previous relationships never had the label and they would have been the same if they did.
Give her time, she will bring it up whenever she's ready. And when that happens, just be cool about it. If you like her, try to not lose her over this
[–]TheCinnamonBoi 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Sounds to me like you’re already dating. Have you told her how you feel about her? I think she’s just scared because she hasn’t done anything like this before. Not sure an ultimatum is the way to go with this kind of girl. She might get pressured and back out. Also, from the way you describe it, sounds like she’s def into you so Idk why you would say she doesn’t want a relationship with you. I think she’s confused. If you back off or she says no, she’ll likely miss the time you sent together and regret her decision so If you really like her just take her back at that point. (But make sure it becomes official then). I’ve was put in a really similar situation with my first gf so I get how you feel.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yes i have told her how i feel about her. It was hard lol. I’m an egotistic person, and i had to put that aside and let her know how i feel about her. How did your situation work out?
[–]TheCinnamonBoi 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well in my case I had no self awareness and was really young and anxious about telling her how I felt. We hung out at lot but didn’t consider it dating. We had an argument at some point and I backed off and she regretted it hardly. Then we decided to call what we were doing “dating.” Dated her for over a year. No longer with her now but that’s irrelevant.
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How would you say i should go about this now? Should i give her attention or not
[–]TheCinnamonBoi 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would go as if everything is normal. Don’t back away or get to pushy. Maybe try to hang with her slightly more than usual, but I wouldn’t go too far. Focus on maintaining what you have now instead of switching it up. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”
[–]Colin9001 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
fuck labels relax. your pressing her for a relationship is just insecurity and lack on your part
[–]Kichinjaaa 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
some people just really dont like labels, i think at a young age they really are not that necessary and maybe even harmful. a month and a half is not a long time, to commit to a relationship without giving promises impossible to keep, both people need to know what they are getting into. people do change and you both have grown since the first time you met, so give it time, for your sake and hers. but if at one point it becomes too much for you, its completely fine to leave the situation. just evaluate before why is it more important to you to „claim“ this person opposed to just enjoying time together since the chance of you spending the rest of life together is not very high (saying that because both of you are still very young). good luck!
[–]disignore 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I told her i was in no position to wait on anyone.
Dude, you're 19.
[–]JXMMY11 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro I’m pretty sure she’s gonna want to make you her bf but the deadline thing is pushing it, I believe she was going to say yes already but now she may feel pressure even though she already had her decision. All you could do is wait... it would hurt if she says no but at least you could try to keep your friendship in tact.
Good Luck
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No
[–]revente 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Idk, nothing is stopping you from dating other girls in the meantime.
[–]SithLordJediMaster 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"What do you want?! Not what he wants or what she wants. Not what your parents want. Not what society wants. But... WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" - The Notebook
[–]Alpha-011 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Because I've been advising ppl for more than 7 years in the relationship topic and they send me their histories, so I know most like (and based on her time-thinking) what's going on. Look I need to be straightforward like it or not, she's dating someone else previously and especially someone who left her, so her mind is thinking and because woman are emotional beings, she trusts you based on her previously experiences with you HOWEVER she doesn't feel any attraction for you (you may insist that is but it's not). Indeed the time she needs is because she's waiting the other guy to come for her(hopes) that probably won't happen. The reason why she's with you is to not feel alone, and rejected, especially after that relation that they had (the other guy) (which were most like carnal = sex sex and sex). As well don't get foolished woman tend to remember stuff you did to them and never forget she most likely will betray you after she meet another guy while she's going to be with you
[–]AXxi0S -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No. You’re far more important than that. If she needs to think if she wants to be with you, she doesn’t care that much.
Find someone who’s all in on you.
[–]rad_dynamic -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Every girl I have history with and have gone back to after time hasn’t worked.. my advice would be to move on and find a new girl :) there are plenty
[–]ContWord2346 -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nope x 1,000
[+]Upbeat-Explanation85 -6 points-5 points-4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No because you should be spinning plates , adopt a mindset that your the prize , if a plate falls that's ok , your got Marie, Bianca or Isabel to botty call , if she doesn't see your value , that's cool ,next...
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude calm down. You’re coming across as super needy. You’re 19. Go date some other girls and stay friends with this one.
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[–]AlwaysLearningWork 51 points52 points53 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AlwaysLearningWork 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Exmerus 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheCinnamonBoi 10 points11 points12 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheCinnamonBoi 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TheCinnamonBoi 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Colin9001 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kichinjaaa 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]disignore 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]JXMMY11 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]revente 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SithLordJediMaster 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Alpha-011 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AXxi0S -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rad_dynamic -3 points-2 points-1 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ContWord2346 -3 points-2 points-1 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]Upbeat-Explanation85 -6 points-5 points-4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link