A summer ago I met this girl working at a Barnes and Noble store, I was just buying a movie, but she took me by surprise and I got her number. This was maybe a year and a half after I first ventured into 'the game'.

I've given this quite a bit of thought, and here's the deal--I did, technically, use what I had learned from the community to get this girl's number. The confidence instilled in me, albeit fake, wasn't grown out of every article I read, it was grown out of me, going out and putting it into action--and failing.

This girl and I hit it off, in a big way. To make a long story short, summer ended but we still didn't. We both coincidentally moved to locations only a 2-hour plane ride away, and kept in contact consistently. This was my first true 'one-itis' since my journey began, and it happened while I was really coming into my own.

I sought the advice of some more experienced guys and they're advice was all similar. The consensus seemed to be "you're in college, sleep with as many girls as you can, and see if this girl really is that special after that."

Since I've been in college, I've been having what a lot of you would consider some golden months. Shit has been going well, and I'm not sure if that's because of my 'skills', or my situation, or both. Recently, however, I got a wake-up call.

I started dating this girl (who will remane unnamed), fully using my pick-up tactics every step of the way to seduce her. Shit was going well. As I talked to her more, though, I started to actually see something more in her--something that felt similar to what I had felt that summer.

A few days ago she dropped in on me, as a surprise. I was with another girl at the time, and I didn't hide it. She found out and left. I called her later that evening, and she was calm, reasonable, and objective. (Weird, right?) She asked about my life and how many girls I had seen since I've been at school. I gave her an honest number and what she said next I don't think I'm ever going to forget, candid and blunt as it was:

"What do you get out of that? You don't think anyone else gives a shit, right? Now that I know about it, it just seems kind of like an empty existence. That's weak."

"That's weak?" My first thought was "No, it's not. I like women. I like having sex with them, so that's what I do. This is what I like." I got off the phone with her, almost sure that I'd never see her again. What she said really was sticking in my head, though.

These girls that I've been seeing or have seen since I've been at college, these techniques and routines and behaviors I've been teaching myself and practicing... It has lead to me having sex with girls. Okay, great. Here is where it has failed me (or rather, I've failed myself) though: I have been unable, or have tried and failed, to create a lasting connection with any one woman and it is driving me mad.

I'm ready to drop the training wheels and be my own man. I'm sick of this. I'm not happy, I feel empty. Sex is fun, while it's sex. After the chase is done, I feel almost sick.

This is not making me happy. This isn't me any more. Take care, boys!