This is a question that I get asked quite frequently; “Do looks matter?” Before I give my opinion on this, I want to be clear on what my definition of looks is. I consider your looks to be more than just your facial structure; it is your style of clothing, body shape (be it in shape or out of shape), grooming, and hygiene all combined into one to produce your overall look. I personally believe that looks do matter and that they matter quite a bit more than most guys who are new to dating realize. In my blog post “Men Who Are Great With Women V.S. Men Who Aren’t”, one of the qualities that men who are great with women have is that they are well-dressed and well-groomed. Men who aren’t great with women generally don’t put much emphasis in this area.

So why are looks important? They are important for the simple reason that they can turn a woman on! Anyone who has seen the way a woman looks at a man she thinks is good looking will agree with my previous statement. If a woman is attracted to you, she now has some interest in you. This might sound like common sense to most people reading this but there are lots and lots of men who believe that looks don’t matter. I’ve found that most men who say that “looks don’t matter” need help in this area the most. These men want to attract a high quality female however they’ve put no time or energy into how they look. They’re usually out of shape, lack any style or fashion, and most have never given much thought to their hygiene or grooming. Their looks are actually working against them as they’re signalling to women that they don’t care of themselves in this area of their lives. One trait that many women value is security, and if a woman perceives that you cannot take care of yourself, it is highly unlikely that she will think you can take care of her. Unless these men have something to substitute for their lack of attractiveness; wealth, status, power, charm, charisma, or fame, they cannot expect to attract a physically attractive woman. In the world of metaphysics, it’s been said that “Like Attracts Like”. Based on the level of these men’s attractiveness, they are most likely going to end up with women who are on the same spectrum as them.

Now, are looks the determining factor to whether a woman will go out with you? It depends on the woman. I’ve seen women reject men simply on the basis of their looks as they thought the man wasn’t good looking enough. I’ve also met women who have told me that while looks are a factor, they’re not the determining factor to whether they will give a man a chance or not. The key point to realize with that second group of women is that although looks aren’t the determining factor, they are still a factor. Brian Tracy, a leader in the field of self-help has a saying “Everything counts. Everything helps or everything hurts but everything counts.” As looks are a factor, have this area work for you, not against you! It’s my theory that the more attractive a woman finds you, the amount of work you have to do to bed her goes down. It’s that simple. The more attractive a woman finds you, the less amount of work you have to do to bed her and the more things/mistakes/slip-ups she’ll ignore or push to the side that are not in your favor. For example, on the reverse end, there are some women out there that are so hot that they would not have to do any work for us to sleep with them. Their physical attractiveness is so high that most men would simply sleep with them based on that. This also holds true for women. Women are sexual beings and there are some men they find so attractive that they’d immediately go to bed with them. Just ask any woman how she feels about Ryan Gosling and you will see what I’m talking about.

I say in my seminars that “The more you do on the front-end, the less you’ll have to do on the back-end.” If you look good to a woman, you’re going to be able to expend less energy in courting her than a man she doesn’t not find attractive. And the more attractive she finds you, the less you’ll have to do in bedding her and also entering a relationship with her if that is what you desire.

One thing that I would like you to realize is that you can change your look(s). Your looks are not some fixed thing that you have no control over. You can get a new hairstyle, wardrobe, whiten your teeth, get in shape, tan, all of which will cause women to be more attracted to you. If you have no fashion experience, you can simply go to any clothing store; Guess, Diesel, Nordstrom’s, H & M, Express, and ask the people who work there to help you find something that you’d look good in. If you’re low on funds or don’t want to feel pressured to buy anything, you can tell the salespeople there that you’re new to fashion and are just curious as to what they would recommend for you. You can also check out the websites of several clothing stores to see what kind of look would best suit you. A few simple changes can make a HUGE improvement to your looks. There is no reason to have this area work against you. If you’re low on funds, you can go to H & M, Forever 21, or Express and find stylish clothing that is low-priced but of good quality. The only things that could stop you from improving this area of your life are either fear, laziness, or your ego. Some people are afraid of change so if that is your case, go to a few clothing stores and ask the sales-people what would look good on you. It’s the salesperson’s job to make you look good so let them give you their opinion. After getting a few opinions you’ll have some idea as to how you can improve your looks. If it’s laziness that is stopping you from putting in the necessary effort, write down what it is costing you to operate from your current level and then write down all of the benefits you would have by improving your looks. You would have more energy from exercising, a better sex life, more health, and more happiness. Some people don’t want to change their looks as it could cause them discomfort. If that’s the case for you, simply do the last exercise I mentioned. Write down “What is it costing me to be comfortable in this area?” and list the current costs you are paying for taking it easy in this department. Afterwards, write, “What would I gain by improving my looks?” and make any necessary changes that need to be made.

A pretty woman gets hit on frequently. Your look is a way for her to screen you, to decide if you’ll fit into her world or not. People make judgements about other people based on their appearance. It’s been said that a person judges you within the first thirty seconds to a minute of meeting you so have your look make a favorable impression upon who you’re speaking to. When going to a job interview for the first time, you put on your best clothes suited to the environment you’ll be working in to hopefully make a positive first impression on your employer. Why wouldn’t you do the same for a woman you like?

If you’re new to approaching women, look as best you can. This will cause the woman you’re talking with to hopefully take an interest in you. This in turn will put you at ease, make you feel confident, and will allow you to have a better interaction with the woman than if you hadn’t looked good. This positive gain in confidence will lead to better interactions in the future which will cause you to have more confidence which will lead to even better future interactions. The simple task of looking good will start a cycle of positivity in your favor. Also, when you look good, you feel good! You feel more confident that you would if you weren’t dressed up. And as you go out and see more and more women checking you out, your confidence will become solidified and you will become more at ease when interacting with women. In the pick-up community, there are two main schools of thought regarding looks. On one end, there are those who will go to extreme lengths to draw attention to themselves via their look/style. They’ll wear top hats, make-up, paint their nails black, wear medallions, fur coats, and other extravagant items so that they’ll stand out from the pack. On the other end, there are those pick-up instructors who say “looks don’t matter” at all. They treat the looks department as if they’re not a factor at all. I understand that these instructors are trying to convey that proper game is the determining factor to your success with women, not the way you look, however if you’re new to approaching women, this is an area that if given a little bit of effort, can provide HUGE benefits for you. One thing that I find ironic about this second school of thought is that while their instructors say “looks don’t matter”, they put a lot of time and effort into their looks. They get their hair styled, exercise, dress-well, are clean shaven, well-groomed, but then tell their students that looks don’t matter. If looks don’t matter, why are they doing all of this work? It’s because they know on some level that it does matter.

I say take the best of these two worlds and combine it. From the group of men who value looks, take the importance of standing out but do it in a way that allows you to look your best. Make fashion a priority, something that you excel at but don’t be so outlandish with your style so as to alienate yourself from those women that you would like to be with or go so far with it that it’s not in alignment with who you are as a person. From the other group that believes looks don’t matter, take their approach that looks don’t matter. Believe that your game, charisma, wit, intelligence, and charm can get you any woman that you desire.

In closing, look your best. When you look good, you’ll feel good and you’ll be more attractive to women which will allow you to have better interactions with them. For those of you who are new to approaching women at nightclubs, look your best! The women there will find you more attractive and your interactions will go smoother. Your looks will do much of the heavy lifting when it comes to meeting women in those venues and you’ll be able to relax more in your interactions with them and display more of your personality than if they weren’t. Let this area work for you, not against you. A small amount of effort in this area can produce incredible results in your dating life. With repeated practice, dressing well and taking care of yourself will eventually become second nature and you’ll begin to see your dating life really bloom. The effort is worth the result!

For more, check out my site www.authenticsociallife.com