Texting 101 – A Guide to Turn Texts into Dates

1. The more you do on the frontend, the less you’ll have to do on the backend.

This is one of the most important principles in pick-up and dating. The more you do on the frontend, the less you’ll have to do on the backend. What I mean by this is the more you’ve done on the frontend; exercising, creating a cool style that works for you, having good hygiene, developing a good attitude and mindset from reading, meditating, or whatever path is highest for you, and having a smooth rap from spending time with women, all of that good work you’ve done is going to make it much easier for a woman to give you her number, go on a date with you, see you again, etc.

This process is analogous to a roller coaster ride. It takes a bit of work to get the coaster up the top of the tracks but from there it’s smooth sailing. The same thing takes place in dating. All of the things you’re doing (or could be doing) to improve yourself have an amazing cumulative effect when a woman meets you and now it’s easy and fun to let the interaction go where you want. For instance, if you were to meet a woman who’s in great shape, has an amazing personality, and has her life together, it would be very easy for you to want to see her again. The same concept applies to women with men.

  1. You’re gaming her throughout the entire interaction.

Think of your texts as a continuation of the original interaction you had. You want to build on the foundation you two already put into place during your meeting. If your meeting was less than ideal, then this is the time to recapture her attention, change her frame of mind regarding her perception of you, and get her interested. Think of your first text with her as a second shot to connecting with her if your first interaction wasn’t the best . What I see a lot of guys do in their text game is that after meeting a woman and having a good interaction with her, they’ll go into a very logical business type mode when setting up the date. Men tend to be more logical left-brain thinkers whereas women are more emotional right brain thinkers. This is important to be aware of when texting because a lot of men communicate with women via text the same way they communicate with other men. Their texts are usually pretty dry and can actually detract from the good work the men did in person. They also assume that since the woman gave them her number, the date is assured. It’s not. When they met the woman, she was in a good state, either from their interaction or whatever was going on with her before then however when you text her she might not be in that same state so you want to recapture her attention so that when you set up the date she’s in a good state of mind to say yes. Also, some women are nervous about going out with a guy they just met, so when your texts put her into a good state, it releases her tension and makes it much easier for her to say yes to you. For a lot of you guys who have asked why women are so unresponsive or cold when you text them as opposed to this laughing happy person that you met, this concept explains why. When you were in person, she was in a positive state of mind, however when you text her she’s not in that same state so you want to put her back into it so that your interactions will flow smooth.

It’s like if you were to ask a friend for something, you wouldn’t ask the friend while he or she was in a bad mood. You would wait until he or she was doing better and then ask. The same concept applies to women. You want her state to be something that is conducive to your interactions with her.

3. Put Some Bait on the Line! - Hooking

Your average guy (average in terms of social skills) gets a woman’s number and texts her something like:

“Hey Amy, it’s Ron from Saturday night. Would you like to meet for dinner at 7:00PM on Tuesday?” Now Amy may or may not say yes depending on if she’s busy Tuesday night and also if she’s in the mood to go out. Other guys send texts like; “Hi” or “What’s up?” This usually gets a response with; “Hi, who’s this?” Then the guy either responds with what I wrote above; ““Hey Amy, it’s Ron from Saturday night. Would you like to meet for dinner at 7:00PM on Tuesday?” or “Hey Amy, it’s Ron. What’s up?” This isn’t building attraction, in fact, it might take away from it if Amy is busy at the moment.

What I want you to do is put some bait on the line. For example, when you go fishing, you don’t just throw your hook out into the water hoping it catches some fish. You put some bait on the line to attract the fish so that it bites into the hook. The same concept applies to your texting. Make sure that your texts hook the woman and get her attention. For example, I met a woman who works at a male enhancement company. My first text to her was; “How many men have you enhanced today? – Tony J” I included an emoticon so she knows I’m joking and I also included my name so that she doesn’t have to ask and we can jump right into the interaction. We then got into a really sexual talk and made plans for her to come by my place.

If you have something relevant from your conversation that you could use to hook her with, use it. This is one of the reasons why it’s important to be present and listening when a woman talks. For example, a student or friend of mine (this occurs a lot with guys who are inexperienced with texting women) will meet a woman, get her number, and then tell me “I’m not sure what to text her with.” I’ll ask him; “What does she do?” To which the guy will say “I don’t remember.” I’ll then ask; “What did you talk about?” To which the guy will again say; “I don’t remember.” Women are giving men a lot of information, more information than most guys realize, so be aware of what she’s saying, doing, and even wearing so that you can use that to capture her attention through text. For example, in my “Picking Up Women at the Gym 2” field report, the beautiful blond I met at the gym told me she has a fitness and cooking blog that she runs. I mentioned to her that she should post on Reddit as it has so many people that are into that. My text the following day was; “Remember, Reddit.com is your friend.” We spoke about work stuff for a few texts then I started to joke with her that if she sees any drunk shirtless men at the gym, to stay away from them (we got interrupted by a drunk shirtless guy at the gym when we met). I used what was relevant from our in-person conversation to start a text conversation that set up a date. I mention this as not all of your hooks have to be humorous, they just need to capture the woman’s attention. I once met a tall woman who was wearing black leather boots, black tights, and a black leather jacket. When we met, I asked her if she was a real bad ass or just dresses like one. My first text to her was; ““How is the world’s biggest bad ass?” She ended up coming over to my place later that week.

If you can give her a nickname that she likes during your interaction with her, that helps to reactivate the energy of your first interaction. For example, I met this cool hippie girl who loved to be out in the sun all day. I texted her with; “Sunflower! Make sure you get lots of water today.” She ended up coming over that night for some of the freakiest sex I ever had. The process of giving her a nickname is simple to do. When you’re entering her number into your phone tell her; “I’m saving you as (insert nick-name).” For example, I met this really hot fitness model. She told me that she normally doesn’t like meeting new people but this time she was happy she did. She said sometimes she’s cool when meeting people, and sometimes she hates meeting new people. I joked with her that she’s like a human swirl but with emotions. She laughed and said that’s really true as her Dad is really dark and her Mom is really light. When I saved her number, I told her; “I saving you as Alana Chocolate and Vanilla.” My first text was; “Swirl! What flavor are you today?” She wrote back; “Vanilla. It’s the good one.” And she came to my apartment about an hour later.

4. Reel her in

Now that you’ve hooked the woman with your initial text, you reel her in with a few more texts before setting up the date. What most guys do is after they get one good response, they immediately ask the woman out often even ignoring what she just texted them with. This is almost like the texting equivalent of not paying attention to what someone’s saying as you’re waiting to talk. What I do instead is that I text a few texts to build up more rapport before asking her out. I don’t text forever though as you want to save something for the date. Sometimes guys will text forever with a woman thinking that they’re building a stronger connection but in reality they’re giving away everything that they could have discussed during the first date. Save something for the date! If she says; “So tell me about yourself.” Tell her; “You’ll find all that out on the date.” Again, save something for when you two are in person. Also, some women can prolong a date forever as they’re getting their emotional needs met through texting so after a short period of time, set up the date.

  1. Set up the date

When setting up the date, ask her when she’s free. What inexperienced guys do is they’ll say; “Are you free tomorrow night?” And the woman will say; “I can’t tomorrow.” Then the guy will say; “How bout Thursday?” To which the woman will say; “I can’t Thursday.” The guy will then say; “How bout Friday?” By this time the guy has conveyed to the woman that he is really invested into this woman and also that he doesn’t have anything else going on if he’s available every night. Avoid this by asking her when she’s free. Another point to be aware of is when you’re texting her. If you met the woman on Wednesday, I wouldn’t text her late Friday or Saturday night trying to get her out as she probably already has plans and it also suggests you’re hitting her up for a booty call. If the girl is a really cool party girl and you’re out too, there’s nothing wrong with texting her but if you’re at home and about to text a woman for your first time on a Friday night, I generally wouldn’t recommend it.

I like to set up my dates during the week (Sunday – Thursday) as most women are generally free those days and have nothing to do. You’d be surprised at how many good looking women are at home during the week wishing they had a guy to take them out. Also, by setting up your dates during the week you’re not trying to compete with whatever plans the woman might have for the weekend. Having lived in a busy city like L.A., women had things planned on the weekend for weeks in advance. If you asked her when she is free and she says the weekend, then by all means feel free to go out with her on the weekend but I want to make you aware of the fact that asking a woman out for the weekend might not be the best strategy.

When setting up the date, I tend to be more specific then general. For example, I met this good looking woman and when I set up the date I texted her with; “Have you ever been to Polite Provisions? It’s got the best drinks in all of San Diego.” She responded that she hadn’t to which I asked her when she was free. It turned out she was free that night and we went out and had a great time. A lot of times guys will ask a woman out by saying something like; “You want to chill?” or something vague along that line. Again, I like to put some bait on my hook so I tend to be more specific when I set up the date. I don’t want her wondering what we’re going to do which could make her uneasy and say no.

6. Don’t get mad! Patience and Persistence is King.

Whatever you do, don’t get mad! Oftentimes I’ll see a guy text a woman and if he doesn’t get a response back immediately, he’ll either begin to panic or he’ll get upset. For instance, a friend of mine called me because he texted a woman he just met and hadn’t heard anything in fifteen minutes. I told him to relax and to calm down. The woman might be in class, at work, not have her phone on her, not be sure what to say (women have anxiety too), might not feel like talking, or be busy at the moment. I told him to relax and a few hours later he heard from her. I’ve seen guys text a woman and after fifteen or thirty minutes they’ll text again, then when they don’t hear anything they’ll text again, then after the third or fourth text they’ll send the woman a really angry text. To the woman reading the texts, it looks like she gave her number out to a psycho with control issues. Don’t be like that. Be calm and cool so that you continue to be in her eyes the confident man you were when you asked her out.

Some women are genuinely busy and some use their busyness to wade out potential suitors. Those who use their busyness to test men, actually see how men react to their busyness before they decide to go out with them. They want to see if the guy is really interested in them or will disappear the first time they say no. It’s been said that something like 60% of sales are made after the fourth attempt so don’t throw in the towel so easily. Often a guy will ask a woman out, she’ll say no because she had plans that day, and the guy will incorrectly equate her no with “She said no therefore she must not like me.” Even though the woman specifically told him she can’t see him that night because she already had plans, the guy incorrectly assumes she doesn’t like him. Be sure that what you’re hearing is what she’s saying. Some women are legitimately busy and as you develop more rapport with them, they’ll make room for you in their lives.

What I like to do is if I don’t hear back from her, I’ll send another text a day or two later, then maybe one last text two or three days later.

7. Texting Tempo and Size

Now, there’s some people who believe that you should wait however long a woman texted you before you text her back. I personally don’t like to do this as I’m usually really busy and if she’s a busy person too and is texting me when she has free time, I want to take advantage of that time. Also, I’ll forget to text her if I don’t do it when the text is in front of me. Let’s say for instance that when you texted her she was at work and she gets back to you eight hours later when her shift ends. Under that method of waiting, you would have to wait and remember to text her back eight hours later. This could delay your date for days. I also feel that this is an inauthentic way of being. If you want to text her back, go for it. I feel that waiting game detracts from the flow and energy of your interaction.

If she texts you with a few lines, don’t respond back with a giant paragraph, keep your texts relative to her size. You don’t want to overwhelm her. If she writes you a giant paragraph, feel free to write more in your texts.

8. Confirm your plans

I also like to confirm my plans with a woman early in the day. Life can be hectic, things can come up last minute, so I send a text way earlier in the day to make sure we’re still on; “We still on for tonight?” If you two speak on Thursday and make plans to go out the following Tuesday, confirm those plans ahead of time, either early in the day on Tuesday or the day before. A lot of stuff could have happened between Thursday and Tuesday; she might have to work late, friends might have shown up from out of town, she might’ve forgotten about the date, so confirm you two are on before you get ready to go out.

If she’s busy, don’t get mad! Be cool. Getting mad or trying to make her feel guilty is not going to make her like you more, it’s going to make her like you less. Be cool. Show her that you’re a guy who has a life aside from her. This will make her more interested in you. For instance, I was supposed to go out with this woman and at the last minute she had to cancel as something came up. I told her it was fine and I’ll see her another night. The next night she ended up coming right over to my place. When she was over she told me; “If it was any other guy, he would’ve gotten upset.” Don’t get upset if things come up. Life happens. Go on enjoying your day.

9. Conclusion

Remember, the more you do on the frontend, the less you’ll have to do on the backend so strive to become the best person you can possibly be. Your dating life will be smoother and the quality of women in your life will improve. When texting a woman for the first time, make sure that your initial text grabs her attention. From there, text a few times back and forth before setting up the date. When setting up the date, be specific about what you plan to do as it gets her more invested in the date and be sure to confirm your date if it’s something you set up in advance.

Texting 102: Turning Flakes into Dates

Tighten Up Your Game

If you saw my original thread; j“Texting 101: Turning Texts into Dates”, the methods outlined in there will eliminate 80% of the problems you’re having in setting up dates. I’m now going to help you with the remaining 20% so that the women who come into your life will become a part of it. I want you think of your dating life as a system and the women you meet as coming into your dating funnel. Depending on how you handle each one will determine your conversion rate of meetings into dates. With the right system in place, you can have a very high conversion rate.

It’s Part of the Game

First, realize that flakage happens. Not every number you get is going to turn into a date. I say this so that you don’t become disillusioned or disappointed if this happens to you. I know a lot of guys see pick-up artists selling this method or that method claiming to get perfect results; “Get Her Wet! Have Sex Now! Sexting Techniques that Work” but that’s just not true. Paul Janka, who’s considered a great in pick up, has sex with 11% of the women he meets, 11%. He would get about 40 numbers a week, mass text the girls; “Tonight?” and have sex with about four of them a week. His system worked for him as he only spent maybe a minute or two talking to each woman so that was 80 minutes of work (3 hours) to have sex with four women that week. If he customized his texts according to each girl, he probably would have had a higher conversion rate but to him it wasn’t worth his time.

Why Do They Flake?

Some of the women you meet might have boyfriends, fiancés, or husbands but when you approached them, you came on smooth and this made them feel good so they gave you their number. I’ve had this happen many times. I’ve met a woman, hit it off with her, then get a text along the lines of; “I’m so sorry. I should have told you before. I have a (boyfriend, husband, fiance, I’ve been told all three). We’ve been going through some tough times and you just made me feel so good with the way you talked to me etc...” There are a lot of women out there who are in bad relationships and if you approach them correctly, they’ll give you their number. They’ll then go home to their boyfriend or significant other and feel bad about what they did and this will cause you to not get a response back from them. Don’t take it personal as it’s not something on your end.

This next part might sound harsh but some women will give you their number to get rid of you. This might happen when you’re new to pick up and don’t understand the cues of whether or not she’s interested in you. As you become better, the chances of this happening become less likely, if at all.

There are also going to be some women who have a lot of anxiety and emotional issues around dating. A lot of guys equate beauty with perfection however women are people and some get really nervous around this topic. I know a lot of gorgeous women who stay home during the week or go out with their girlfriends as they are nervous about dating someone and having to go out alone. Also, some women might have just gotten out of a relationship, or just lot their job, or something along that line and they might not be in the right headspace to go out. Again, don’t take it personal. There are other women whose last date did not go well so they assume that their next date is going to be the same. For instance with one of my ex’s, it took a lot of texting before we originally got together. It turned out that on the date she went on prior to me, the guy said a lot of nasty stuff to her so she walked out in the middle of dinner. With women who fall into this last group, you need to build more rapport with them before you can get them out. This is where being patient, persistent, and cool pays off. By continuing to be the guy you were when you first met, this puts them at ease and makes them want to see you.

Going back to those women who have anxiety around dating; when you text them they might not be sure what to say and so they take some time to respond back as they’re crafting their response. So don’t freak out if you don’t get a response back immediately or within fifteen minutes. She might be asking her friend(s) for a good response back to you. I know women who would call their girlfriends asking what to do when a guy they liked texted them. They would spend an hour or two debating and discussing it with several friends before sending a text back. So again, be patient if you don’t hear from her immediately, especially if your initial interaction with her was really good.

Know Your Audience

It’s important to your audience so that you can give each woman what she wants. For example, if I meet a college girl who wants to party, I’m not going to invite her on a romantic hike. She’s looking for adventure, not comfort, so I need to give her what she’s looking for. If the woman I meet is a 20something year old woman who’s looking to get married, I might take her to a wine or upscale bar for drinks. If the woman is really wild and wants to hook up, I’m going to invite her over to my place for some wine. Knowing what each woman is looking for can save you a lot of time and headache.

Customization

Knowing your audience is really important and can allow you to customize your plans based on the woman. This can take place when you two first meet or later on in text. For example, I met this woman who had a Yoga mat with her when we met. Turns out she just got done doing a Yoga class. I asked her if she had ever done Kundalini Yoga before to which she said she hadn’t but wanted to try it so we went for our first “date” to a class and had good time which resulted in more dates.

Customization also takes place in the initial text you send to a woman. In my guide; “Texting 101; Turning Texts into Dates”, I say that just like in fishing you want to put some bait on the hook before you send out your first text out. By customizing your initial text based on who the woman is, you’ll get a higher response rate than just a general text such as; “What’s up?” Remember, you want to recapture her attention and customizing your texts based on what’s relevant to her and what you discussed will do that. That is explained in detail in the section on “Hooking” in that guide.

The Lumberjack Method

If you think of a lumberjack, he swings his ax over and over again and eventually the tree falls. Even the largest tree can come down with the repeated swing of the ax. The lumberjack doesn’t get upset when the tree doesn’t fall on his first or second swing; he knows it’s going to come down eventually. Now, what does this have to do with texting and setting up dates? As long as she’s responding, think of yourself as chopping down that tree. A lot of guys who are new to dating throw in the towel too soon. A guy will hear one “I can’t that night” and immediately give up and assume that the woman doesn’t like him and for some guys, they will take this even further and assume all women don’t like them. This is like taking one swipe at the tree and assuming it will fall. Women are busy (especially women in major cities or single moms) and they have lives too so if something comes up, don’t get stressed about it. Be calm and cool so that she will want to see you. Don’t let a woman’s response or lack thereof determine your happiness. Be happy regardless and women will be attracted to that.

As I mentioned in my other guide, some women are testing you by postponing the date as it’s their way of weeding out men who are not serious about them from their lives. I’ve dated some really stunning models with incredibly busy lives and being cool until we got together was one way I built up a lot of attraction. The other guys in their lives would get upset or throw in the towel too early. When I would get together with the woman she would say something like; “I like you because you’re persistent.” Remember, even the mightiest tree will come down with enough swings.

When Do You Setup Your Dates?

I covered this in the other guide but I will mention it again. Being aware of when you set up your dates is important. By “when”, I mean first don’t text a girl late on a Friday night if you met her on Wednesday. This implies you don’t have anything to do and are bored. If she’s a cool party girl and you’re out already, that’s different. However, if you’re at home and hoping she’ll come over, it’s probably unlikely and going to lower your value in her eyes. Also, if you try to set up your dates for the weekend, don’t be surprised if the woman tells you she has plans. If a woman’s worked all week, she probably already has something scheduled in advance for the weekend. For this reason, I would schedule my dates Sunday – Thursday as most women are free those nights.

Get More Numbers

Don’t leave your entire dating life in the hands of one woman. I recommend to guys to get more numbers as I find it makes them less reactive and less invested in their texts. Instead of being so serious in their texts, they’re now more fun and laid back as they’re not as invested in the interaction. This might sound counter-productive but it actually produces great results. Also, if a woman cancels, the guy will be more likely to remain cool if he has other options available. This is also why it’s important to cultivate a good life. You don’t want your entire source of fun to be in the hands of one person.

I see some guys say things like “numbers are worthless” or “all women flake”. A guy might have had one or two women cancel on him and now he assumes all women flake and this gives him a negative perception on dating. Do what I outlined in my first guide and watch your numbers turn into texts.

Confirm Your Date

Guys are very logical left-brained thinkers. If one of my guy friends tells me he will meet me on Tuesday at 3:00PM for lunch, I assume we’re meeting at 3:00PM on Tuesday for lunch. Women are more emotional right-brain thinkers. This is not a put-down on women, we just process information differently. If you propose getting drinks on Tuesday at 8:00PM, be sure to confirm your plans that day, especially if it’s been a few days since when you originally proposed the date. When you proposed the date it sounded fun to her so she said yes however she might be in a different state now or something might have come up that stops her from going. So confirm your plans! And don’t get upset if something came up. Getting angry with a woman does not make her like you more, it makes her like you less.

If she says something came up, something might have legitimately come up. Don’t equate this with “she doesn’t like me.” Be cool; “We’ll get together another night.” And go about your day. You can set up plans for another time.

Be Patient and Persistent

I use to go out with this Mexican actress. The first few times we tried to get together something came up; a shoot would take longer than expected, she had to be at work all day, or she had to appear at some event. It was all really cool stuff as the life she lives is amazing. Now, as I said in my texting guide, “60% of sales are made after the fourth attempt.” On our fourth attempt we finally get together, had a great time, and she became a part of my life. Most other guys would have given up early on. As long as she’s still responding, you’re good.

Speaking of patient and persistent, be cool if you don’t hear back from her immediately. The general rule of thumb is to wait twenty-four hours before texting again, forty-eight hours if you still haven’t heard anything, and maybe seventy-two hours before sending a final text. I’ve seen guys explode when they haven’t gotten a response back in fifteen minutes.

Revisit

Sometimes I’ll go through my phone and check in on women that I had a good interaction with but for whatever reason we didn’t get together. For example, I met this stunning blond while driving but for whatever reason we just didn’t get together. A few months later I was thinking of her and thought; “I wonder whatever happened to her.” I texted her, we reconnected, and she got sexual really fast. She actually asked for a picture of my dick and we made plans to meet up. The point of this story is that as long as your original interactions were good, you can usually follow-up. Sometimes the woman might have a boyfriend or not be interested and if that’s the case, just delete her number and move-on.

Facebook Routine

Let’s say I meet a woman and have good chemistry with her in person but for whatever reason our text interactions with each other begin to fall flat. What I like to do in this case is to use some visuals to get the flow going again. I’ll ask the woman; “Are you on Facebook? If so, add me authenticsociallife.” (Instagram works too) The woman will usually “yes” and respond with her name or “you’ve been added” or at the least, she’ll look you up even if she doesn’t have one. I make sure my photos on Facebook (or Instagram) are good and this results in recapturing her attention and attraction again. It also gets her out of a default texting state and more invested in our interaction.

When You First Meet

If you’re getting lots of flakes, first, go more direct in your interactions. This might cause you to lose more women but you’ll know that the one’s whose numbers you get are really interested. Two, talk longer to the women you meet so as to build more rapport. It could be that you were leaving an interaction too early and not building up enough connection. And three, make your plans more specific. Instead of asking her to hang out sometime, make specific plans around something that is of interest to her or that would be fun to do. The more specific your plans are, the more of an impression it’ll leave in her mind instead of some vague idea such as “chill” which could make her feel uncomfortable.

Conclusion

To Your Success!

- Tony