For an in-depth guide to texting; Texting 101: Turning Texts into Dates

Tighten Up Your Game

If you saw my original thread; “Texting 101: Turning Texts into Dates”, the methods outlined in there will eliminate 80% of the problems you’re having in setting up dates. I’m now going to help you with the remaining 20% so that the women who come into your life will become a part of it. I want you think of your dating life as a system and the women you meet as coming into your dating funnel. Depending on how you handle each one will determine your conversion rate of meetings into dates. With the right system in place, you can have a very high conversion rate.

It’s Part of the Game

First, realize that flakage happens. Not every number you get is going to turn into a date. I say this so that you don’t become disillusioned or disappointed if this happens to you. I know a lot of guys see pick-up artists selling this method or that method claiming to get perfect results; “Get Her Wet! Have Sex Now! Sexting Techniques that Work” but that’s just not true. Paul Janka, who’s considered a great in pick up, has sex with 11% of the women he meets, 11%. He would get about 40 numbers a week, mass text the girls; “Tonight?” and have sex with about four of them a week. His system worked for him as he only spent maybe a minute or two talking to each woman so that was 80 minutes of work (3 hours) to have sex with four women that week. If he customized his texts according to each girl, he probably would have had a higher conversion rate but to him it wasn’t worth his time.

Why Do They Flake?

Some of the women you meet might have boyfriends, fiancés, or husbands but when you approached them, you came on smooth and this made them feel good so they gave you their number. I’ve had this happen many times. I’ve met a woman, hit it off with her, then get a text along the lines of; “I’m so sorry. I should have told you before. I have a (boyfriend, husband, fiance, I’ve been told all three). We’ve been going through some tough times and you just made me feel so good with the way you talked to me etc...” There are a lot of women out there who are in bad relationships and if you approach them correctly, they’ll give you their number. They’ll then go home to their boyfriend or significant other and feel bad about what they did and this will cause you to not get a response back from them. Don’t take it personal as it’s not something on your end.

This next part might sound harsh but some women will give you their number to get rid of you. This might happen when you’re new to pick up and don’t understand the cues of whether or not she’s interested in you. As you become better, the chances of this happening become less likely, if at all.

There are also going to be some women who have a lot of anxiety and emotional issues around dating. A lot of guys equate beauty with perfection however women are people and some get really nervous around this topic. I know a lot of gorgeous women who stay home during the week or go out with their girlfriends as they are nervous about dating someone and having to go out alone. Also, some women might have just gotten out of a relationship, or just lost their job, or something along that line and they might not be in the right headspace to go out. Again, don’t take it personal.

There are other women whose last date did not go well so they assume that their next date is going to be the same. For instance with one of my ex’s, it took a lot of texting before we originally got together. It turned out that on the date she went on prior to me, the guy said a lot of nasty stuff to her so she walked out in the middle of dinner. With women who fall into this last group, you need to build more rapport with them before you can get them out. This is where being patient, persistent, and cool pays off. By continuing to be the guy you were when you first met, this puts them at ease and makes them want to see you.

Going back to those women who have anxiety around dating; when you text them they might not be sure what to say and so they take some time to respond back as they’re crafting their response. So don’t freak out if you don’t get a response back immediately or within fifteen minutes. She might be asking her friend(s) for a good response back to you. I know women who would call their girlfriends asking what to do when a guy they liked texted them. They would spend an hour or two debating and discussing it with several friends before sending a text back. So again, be patient if you don’t hear from her immediately, especially if your initial interaction with her was really good.

Know Your Audience

It’s important to your audience so that you can give each woman what she wants. For example, if I meet a college girl who wants to party, I’m not going to invite her on a romantic hike. She’s looking for adventure, not comfort, so I need to give her what she’s looking for. If the woman I meet is a 20something year old woman who’s looking to get married, I might take her to a wine or upscale bar for drinks. If the woman is really wild and wants to hook up, I’m going to invite her over to my place for some wine. Knowing what each woman is looking for can save you a lot of time and headache.

Customization

Knowing your audience is really important and can allow you to customize your plans based on the woman. This can take place when you two first meet or later on in text. For example, I met this woman who had a Yoga mat with her when we met. Turns out she just got done doing a Yoga class. I asked her if she had ever done Kundalini Yoga before to which she said she hadn’t but wanted to try it so we went for our first “date” to a class and had good time which resulted in more dates.

Customization also takes place in the initial text you send to a woman. In my guide; “Texting 101; Turning Texts into Dates”, I say that just like in fishing you want to put some bait on the hook before you send out your first text out. By customizing your initial text based on who the woman is, you’ll get a higher response rate than just a general text such as; “What’s up?” Remember, you want to recapture her attention and customizing your texts based on what’s relevant to her and what you discussed will do that. That is explained in detail in the section on “Hooking” in that guide.

The Lumberjack Method

If you think of a lumberjack, he swings his ax over and over again and eventually the tree falls. Even the largest tree can come down with the repeated swing of the ax. The lumberjack doesn’t get upset when the tree doesn’t fall on his first or second swing; he knows it’s going to come down eventually. Now, what does this have to do with texting and setting up dates? As long as she’s responding, think of yourself as chopping down that tree. A lot of guys who are new to dating throw in the towel too soon. A guy will hear one “I can’t that night” and immediately give up and assume that the woman doesn’t like him and for some guys, they will take this even further and assume all women don’t like them. This is like taking one swipe at the tree and assuming it will fall. Women are busy (especially women in major cities or single moms) and they have lives too so if something comes up, don’t get stressed about it. Be calm and cool so that she will want to see you. Don’t let a woman’s response or lack thereof determine your happiness. Be happy regardless and women will be attracted to that.

As I mentioned in my other guide, some women are testing you by postponing the date as it’s their way of weeding out men who are not serious about them from their lives. I’ve dated some really stunning models with incredibly busy lives and being cool until we got together was one way I built up a lot of attraction. The other guys in their lives would get upset or throw in the towel too early. When I would get together with the woman she would say something like; “I like you because you’re persistent.” Remember, even the mightiest tree will come down with enough swings.

When Do You Setup Your Dates?

I covered this in the other guide but I will mention it again. Being aware of when you set up your dates is important. By “when”, I mean first don’t text a girl late on a Friday night if you met her on Wednesday. This implies you don’t have anything to do and are bored. If she’s a cool party girl and you’re out already, that’s different. However, if you’re at home and hoping she’ll come over, it’s probably unlikely and going to lower your value in her eyes. Also, if you try to set up your dates for the weekend, don’t be surprised if the woman tells you she has plans. If a woman’s worked all week, she probably already has something scheduled in advance for the weekend. For this reason, I would schedule my dates Sunday – Thursday as most women are free those nights.

Get More Numbers

Don’t leave your entire dating life in the hands of one woman. I recommend to guys to get more numbers as I find it makes them less reactive and less invested in their texts. Instead of being so serious in their texts, they’re now more fun and laid back as they’re not as invested in the interaction. This might sound counter-productive but it actually produces great results. Also, if a woman cancels, the guy will be more likely to remain cool if he has other options available. This is also why it’s important to cultivate a good life. You don’t want your entire source of fun to be in the hands of one person.

I see some guys say things like “numbers are worthless” or “all women flake”. A guy might have had one or two women cancel on him and now he assumes all women flake and this gives him a negative perception on dating. Do what I outlined in my first guide and watch your numbers turn into texts.

Confirm Your Date

Guys are very logical left-brained thinkers. If one of my guy friends tells me he will meet me on Tuesday at 3:00PM for lunch, I assume we’re meeting at 3:00PM on Tuesday for lunch. Women are more emotional right-brain thinkers. This is not a put-down on women, we just process information differently. If you propose getting drinks on Tuesday at 8:00PM, be sure to confirm your plans that day, especially if it’s been a few days since when you originally proposed the date. When you proposed the date it sounded fun to her so she said yes however she might be in a different state now or something might have come up that stops her from going. So confirm your plans! And don’t get upset if something came up. Getting angry with a woman does not make her like you more, it makes her like you less.

If she says something came up, something might have legitimately come up. Don’t equate this with “she doesn’t like me.” Be cool; “We’ll get together another night.” And go about your day. You can set up plans for another time.

Be Patient and Persistent

I use to go out with this Mexican actress. The first few times we tried to get together something came up; a shoot would take longer than expected, she had to be at work all day, or she had to appear at some event. It was all really cool stuff as the life she lives is amazing. Now, as I said in my texting guide, “60% of sales are made after the fourth attempt.” On our fourth attempt we finally get together, had a great time, and she became a part of my life. Most other guys would have given up early on. As long as she’s still responding, you’re good.

Speaking of patient and persistent, be cool if you don’t hear back from her immediately. The general rule of thumb is to wait twenty-four hours before texting again, forty-eight hours if you still haven’t heard anything, and maybe seventy-two hours before sending a final text. I’ve seen guys explode when they haven’t gotten a response back in fifteen minutes.

Revisit

Sometimes I’ll go through my phone and check in on women that I had a good interaction with but for whatever reason we didn’t get together. For example, I met this stunning blond while driving but for whatever reason we just didn’t get together. A few months later I was thinking of her and thought; “I wonder whatever happened to her.” I texted her, we reconnected, and she got sexual really fast. She actually asked for a picture of my dick and we made plans to meet up. The point of this story is that as long as your original interactions were good, you can usually follow-up. Sometimes the woman might have a boyfriend or not be interested and if that’s the case, just delete her number and move-on.

Facebook Routine

Let’s say I meet a woman and have good chemistry with her in person but for whatever reason our text interactions with each other begin to fall flat. What I like to do in this case is to use some visuals to get the flow going again. I’ll ask the woman; “Are you on Facebook? If so, add me authenticsociallife.” (Instagram works too) The woman will usually “yes” and respond with her name or “you’ve been added” or at the least, she’ll look you up even if she doesn’t have one. I make sure my photos on Facebook (or Instagram) are good and this results in recapturing her attention and attraction again. It also gets her out of a default texting state and more invested in our interaction.

When You First Meet

If you’re getting lots of flakes, first, go more direct in your interactions. This might cause you to lose more women but you’ll know that the one’s whose numbers you get are really interested. Two, talk longer to the women you meet so as to build more rapport. It could be that you were leaving an interaction too early and not building up enough connection. And three, make your plans more specific. Instead of asking her to hang out sometime, make specific plans around something that is of interest to her or that would be fun to do. The more specific your plans are, the more of an impression it’ll leave in her mind instead of some vague idea such as “chill” which could make her feel uncomfortable.

For more:

  1. Feel free to check out my site www.authenticsociallife.com

  2. My thread on “Free Self-Improvement Resources”

  3. My thread “Texting 101: Turning Texts into Dates”

I hope this helps you guys out!

  • Tony