Does anyone else find themselves constantly comparing themselves to the other guys in the room? How do I stop doing this?

Focusi · 2014-09-08T00:15:33+00:00

You start seeing it as a challenge. Someone whos more attractive than you has an easier time with women. Your job is to out game him and pull the ladies

_warlockja · 2014-09-08T01:44:59+00:00

Well, you should tell yourself it doesn't matter if he is better looking, or has more money, more friends or whatever. Why? Because it doesn't matter, if you are too busy comparing yourself to someone else then you aren't paying enough attention to what you are doing. It takes time and practice, but eventually you will get to where you see a guy and think "Man, that guy doesn't know when a girl is giving him signals." or something like that

_grim · 2014-09-08T16:28:24+00:00

A good quote from from @shitmydadsays, "That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."

You're suffering from analysis paralysis and a terrible analysis at that.

Women are turned on a by range of things, not just visual appearance. Some of the other things that can attract a woman are sense of smell, touch, emotions, confidence, a sense of humor, and if you have nice shoes.

Stop assuming you know what a person wants. A part of attraction is timing. She could be tired of dealing with pretty boys with zero substance or depth.

You don't know if that opportune moment to meet that person is right now or never unless you get off your ass and start approaching.

Less thinking. More doing.

thecountrynamedwhat · 2014-09-08T10:18:36+00:00

I totally get that, in my friend group I am the second, third, maybe even the fourth most attractive (there are 6 or us) to help put that in perspective we have a friend that we call "Catnip". I am also the poorest and the shortest (5'7"). To top it all off, I'm black in an almost exclusively white part of town so girls either see me as a novelty or as something they're curious about but not really interested in.

So I understand that that was a pretty long intro, but here's where the advice comes in: compare yourself to literally everyone you meet, men, women, kids, see how you measure up; but remember you're seeing the best parts about them. (I'm sure you've heard the saying, "we judge people based on their highlight reel, but we judge ourselves by the behind the scenes.")

That's all will and good, but that doesn't help your immediate problem and I'm sure you didn't come here to read clichés, right? Have you ever heard the word "sonder" is a beautiful word that describes a beautiful thought. These people that you are comparing yourself to? They don't matter. Let me say that again so you understand how important that is, they don't matter. At the end of the night you shouldn't be thinking about that hipster guy who all the girls were stealing glances at (I'm just assuming you're male) or the drunk asshole that everyone was trying to avoid; at the end of the night the most important person in the room is you, remember that. I like to lay down on my bed, stare at the ceiling and just think about all my good traits, think about the conversations I had when I went out, then I think about the meaningful conversations that I had. It works I promise.

Also Seddit puts a lot of stock in gaming and all the clever responses you can say to a girl to make her so wet that she starts suckling your face right then and there. And while those might get you laid a few times, learning how to have meaningful conversations with people (guys and girls) is how you get laid/a girlfriend every night. And being the guy at the bar that is capable of speaking to a group of people and making them genuinely like you is how you have people start to compare themselves to you.

SmellyJelly22 · 2014-09-08T04:57:56+00:00

Realize that you're not going to change overnight so there's no point in thinking about it.

Endoss · 2014-09-08T09:06:33+00:00

Stop making it a big fucking deal. If a guy pulls a chick and you don't because he's more attractive, remember that you're literally back where you started. Just keep talking to women and you will eventually realize that looks literally don't matter. What matters is what kind of deep connection you can make with a woman while using that connection to make her feel better than any other guy in the room can make her feel.

Seduction isn't about saying the right thing to a girl, it's about making a girl feel the right way.

itsmevichet · 2014-09-08T18:30:55+00:00

Make it stop mattering.

If you think it's about the other guys in the room, it's not. It's about you. So make the other guys stop mattering, and focus on you. What you want to improve, who you want to date, etc. Work on those things, and stop thinking so much.

RandianHero · 2014-09-08T23:33:49+00:00

Looks amount to very little when it comes to seduction. They help, there's no doubt about it, but at best they're bonus points. You can't rely on them exclusively. So if you see a guy who's better looking than you, so what? Be a better man than him. That much isn't difficult. Be smarter, wittier, funnier, and cooler than everyone else in the room. And if you're not that guy, then find that guy and learn from him.

Title	Does anyone else find themselves constantly comparing themselves to the other guys in the room? How do I stop doing this?
Author	nicholt
Upvotes	26
Comments	9
Date	September 7, 2014 11:15 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2frc3w/does_anyone_else_find_themselves_constantly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/does-anyone-else-find-themselves-constantly.1376164 https://theredarchive.com/post/1376164

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