A few weeks ago, I was told that it's good to be a little more dominant and that I'm too flexible. My date suggested I aim for a balance between these two traits. Personally, I can't seem to figure this out clearly on my own, so I'm writing to ask for your help, guys.

I guess I'm too selfless when it comes to hanging out with people I like. I can't enjoy the time if they aren't happy. I always feel like I have to do something to make them happy, or I can't just sit by and watch when their mood is down. I always try to crack a joke or prank them to lift their spirits. There's a bit of a "nice guy" here.

The specific girl I went on a couple of dates with was so great that I didn't want to make a mistake or do anything to give her the "ick." I avoided big meals or gifts on these first dates (as I've learned from this community) and opted for activities like playing games, walking in public places, or grabbing a simple coffee. Still, I failed to progress the relationship physically or sexually (I'm a virgin with near-zero sexual experience).

There are two things happening here, and let me break them down. The first is from my point of view: I feel that my failure to progress the relationship turned her off. The second is from her perspective: "I wasn't dominant enough."

From my point of view, I need more experience to be relaxed and less anxious so that I can engage in escalating sexual interactions and flirtation. But how can I develop dominance when I'm constantly thinking about the other person? I imagine dominance as someone who cares more about his own preferences and less about the person he's with, but I feel that's a poor and unclear definition of dominance.

One last note: I love outdoor activities like running, swimming, bowling, and playing pool. I like to do something active when I go out—I'm not the type to sit, walk, and talk for hours. I can have long conversations with those I'm really close to, but not on first dates. With that said, I don't get a lot of activity-based dates because I usually approach people on social media, and they often don't seem to be into sports that much. So, I can't fully enjoy myself and often get bored. My idea of a "dominant" move might be something like, "Let's get out of here; I'm getting bored," but I know that's probably not the right approach.