I've been on seddit for a while and since then I feel like I've improved my inner self a lot. Became more confident, started killing approach anxiety, and had a lot of fun talking to everybody. I started being better at getting k-closes and f-closes and it all felt really great until I was suddenly brought down in a surprising way.

I had met up with this girl and escalated quickly like standard practice. K-close first date. F-close second date. I teased her. I negged her. I started to really enjoy hanging out with her and her personality. It was all going really well and I wanted it to get more serious and thats where I found out my initial approach backfired.

In a serious honest conversation, she told me she was uncomfortable with dating me more seriously because of the vibe I had given off initially. That I had moved too fast and the things I did were not what she wanted in a serious partner. That some things I did had came off insincere and she was looking for someone that acted more like a 'gentleman'. I was caught by surprised and did not expect her to say that. I never thought about longer term effects of my behavior and was completely crushed.

I'm pretty sure there's little I can do to save this one. I know there's other girls out there and I shouldn't dwell on one but thats not the point. What she said really hit me hard and shook my foundation. It really sucks to have to let her go because of my initial behavior I used to gain attraction.

Now beyond feeling shitty I'm also questioning the way I acted and my beliefs. I think I played the game too hard and wasn't honest and earnest enough in wanting to learn and spend time with her. I lost sight of the eventual goal (which for me is a deeper relationship) and focused too much on the shallow results. I think I'm starting to understand more Manson's book and the whole honest action/living thing. I always have fun in my interactions but they may have been laced with hidden intentions.

The pain is real but I will do my best to learn and better myself. I'm not quite sure exactly how I should evolve my inner self yet but eventually I will get up again and move forward.