[FR] Hitting the bars solo yo

recyclablebanthas · 2017-04-24T07:15:21+00:00

_1: Social skills = A worthy thing to build up_

To start it off its been a while since I've gone out solo. Tried to focus on the last few months meeting cool people and friends/meetups etc. So lately I've just end up going out with friends.

Just going to point out that maybe one of the most important things in your Field Report, is that you focused on building up your social skill set, by interacting at meet-ups and out with friends.

I grab a drink at the bar and chat up this dude to my left. He pretty chill and he's with a pretty cool group of two other dudes as well.

And here again, this highlights that a lot of guys get focused on trying to amp themselves up to talk to girls specifically, when chatting to literally anyone can warm you up. Good show, OP.

_2_

.....Anyway, one of the dudes with me keeps saying something about thinking about a good opener. Bro we all know you don't need a special opener.

Well, you know it and many people here do, too. But a lot of guys out there don't. So it's good you were there to demonstrate otherwise.

_3: Maybe you didn't fail. Maybe she did. Maybe failure is not even the word._

One of the girls starts telling me to buy the other girl a drink. Like in a 'you need to buy her a drink' kind of way. And I'm just thinking fuck no (I don't usually buy girls drinks that I just met). Anyway I deflect it by saying something witty but she pushes on until it gets to the point where I make it clear I ain't buying her a drink. Unfortunately that causes things to spiral down.

The mistake here is assuming that a comment like this is a shit test. Or that it's somehow on you to do the right thing in every case. If it were a guy walking around telling girls that they need to buy him a drink, we'd all easily see that he's being a tool for being so presumptuous of strangers. So why are you giving this girl a pass? The answer is: you shouldn't be.

What happened was, this girl was demonstrating her values and priorities. She valued a transactional interaction. Quid pro quo. Show her the money. Pay the price of admittance. That sort of thing. And you, refused to agree to that sort of interaction. Neither of you budged, and I assume that it ended soon after that became clear.

This wasn't a failure. Quite the opposite: we should always hope to be in interactions where people are so clear about what they want and don't want.

_4: Don't sell out your values_

So I've thought about this a lot. I think I would be okay with certain situations where I buy a girl a drink cause I want to not cause they're asking. I think if I were to revisit this situation, I would offer some sort of playful game where if she wins I'll buy her a drink (and if she loses I'll buy her a drink?).

Look, if you don't mind reducing your interactions with girls to you paying for stuff to gain access to the interaction, and you're okay with that, then sure. But you shouldn't need to buy anyone a drink to get somewhere. It's completely elective.

But assuming you don't like that idea, then you should stick to your guns. Just because some hot girl is an ass, doesn't mean you should sell out your values.

roboduck · 2017-04-23T21:14:39+00:00

I think if I were to revisit this situation, I would offer some sort of playful game where if she wins I'll buy her a drink (and if she loses I'll buy her a drink?).

Alpha.

galactic_fury · 2017-04-23T23:41:53+00:00

First of all, great job in deciding to go solo. A lot of guys miss out on all the learning opportunities that going out solo offers. Sure, if you're not naturally social, going out solo can suck a lot of times. But one thing I noticed personally is that you lose your fear of going out alone after a while, and actually start to enjoy it. You also have full freedom to watch other groups of people, and this has personally been a huge learning experience.

Anyways, I think you did the right thing, approaching other girls when the first set wasn't working. Don't sweat the set too much; like you said, you could have turned it into a game. Sometimes some girls are just set on getting free stuff from bars/guys whatever.

ShongoMcForren · 2017-04-24T01:59:46+00:00

Sounds like you're thinking about it too much. If I met girls that said "you have to buy her a drink" I would do what you did and make a witty comment, but if they kept pushing it or if the situation "spiraled down", welp they are not the girls I want to chill with. On to the next.

If you don't usually buy girls drinks but now want to just to play a game, by all means try it. But I've never found buying a drink to be positive unless we are already both having a great time. Giving them a drink for a reward sounds too much like a fucking dog or something. For me it's a "hey you're really cool, and I feel like being generous and we can enjoy this buzz together."

purplepilled2 · 2017-04-24T03:30:42+00:00

How do you even talk at all at bars? The music is always way too loud.

BassDripz · 2017-04-24T02:54:08+00:00

I find that buying her a drink is a great way to advance what is already going right. Don't give it up easy though, your game thing is spot on. If you've been chatting for 10-20 mins and it's good conversation, offering a drink shows interest and generosity. It's an excuse to keep things progressing. With enough experience, you can immediately tell which girls are just mooching, and which girls would genuinely appreciate the gesture. Important thing to note is to never use it as an opener, that oozes desperation.

Title	[FR] Hitting the bars solo yo
Author	breakingthehabits
Upvotes	18
Comments	8
Date	April 23, 2017 7:08 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6741p5/fr_hitting_the_bars_solo_yo/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fr-hitting-the-bars-solo-yo.1423758 https://theredarchive.com/post/1423758

Comments