[Disclaimer] Before I get into this I'd like to make it clear that this FR is not intended to whine, nor to discourage others from putting themselves out there. Rather, it is to document how I screwed up so that I and others can avoid these mistakes in the future. I also want something to look back on as I gain more experience to remind me what it was like being a hardcase newbie. Sorry for the long read, but it was a long night.

Thursday night I took an HB 9 out on a fraternity semiformal. We didn't have a ton of interaction prior to this aside from a few short conversations that involved no gaming whatsoever because I didn't know about it at that time. This was Mistake #1: my frame to her was already friendly. I was aware of this going into the night and was determined to change the frame. In addition to mistake 1, I also made another mistake before the date even began, Mistake #2:, which was not entering the night with full mental presence. I had cut down on sleep the night before and was hyped up on ADD meds for a Calculus exam until around 4 PM so by the time I picked her up around 6, I was very tired, hadn't eaten much, and had also skipped my workout, all of which screwed with my mental state because I love sleeping and eating and I was supposed to be going for a squat PR that day.

As I mentioned, I picked her up from her dorm just after 6, which is when I made Mistake #3, failure to initiate kino due to cold feet. I managed to greet her with a hug but passed a perfect opportunity to lead her either by holding her hand or placing it on her back when we walked to my room. Once we got there we met up with my roommate, his girlfriend, and a few of our other brothers. We rode with one of them to the house to pregame. One of the things I did right was kinoing during a few games of beer pong. Luckily it was still early enough in the night that I was able to build some sort of physical presence in her mind.

When we left for dinner, I was surprised that, on the way to the restaurant, she initiated kino by grabbing onto my left bicep and holding it while we walked. This was a huge IOI and it boosted state a good bit. We vibed during dinner just talking, I told her about my IM Dodgeball team and how I started taking dance lessons, and she told me about her italian class and some of her friends.

Later during the meal we started talking about high school, which I didn't expect to go so badly but it did. Apparently, she was valedictorian, prom queen, and one of the captains of her varsity soccer team. This knocked me on my ass, and resulted in Mistake #4, putting her on a pedestal. I was perfectly aware of what I was doing but I had no way of DHVing myself to the extent that she had and honestly I felt like a loser for a split second. Somehow I was able to move the conversation to fitness where she again floored me with her unreal squat PR. Luckily I have an almost as impressive deadlift stat so I was able to DHV myself a little bit. Thinking back this may have been a mistake because it could have made me seem desperate to prove myself but the delivery was calm and confident so I think it was neutral at worst.

Unfortunately, my roommate, who was also at dinner with us managed to AMOG me. I'm fairly certain he didn't do it on purpose because he was fucking trashed by this point, but for some reason he announced to the table that I have a 2.5 centimeter penis I don't. I feel that I handled this rather poorly when I think about it but I didn't really know what to say at the time and if it happened again now I still wouldn't have a good response. I ended up retorting with something along the lines of "Hey, it's 2.5 inches, not centimeters. Give me a little credit." Mishandling of an AMOG made for Mistake #5.

When we left the restaurant I'm not sure if I kino'd on the way to the bar but considering all of the other blatant mistakes and oversights I made, I wouldn't be surprised if I hadn't. Apparently I still had her attraction at this point (not sure how I got OR maintained it to be honest) because while I was in the bathroom, she told one of my friend's date that she was interested in me. However, I quickly killed any chance I had left during the following series of events.

Mistake #6 was getting drunk when I was already at subpar mental presence and had already been making serious errors. But goddammit we had a tab at the bar and I couldn't pass up a few (ok, maybe several) budweisers and a few (again several) whiskey gingers. I'd like to believe that the next few mistakes can be attributed to this one because I have no idea how I could have been so dumb when I think about it writing this.

Mistake #7 was not pulling the trigger when I had the chance. I easily could have kissed her several times within the first ~30 minutes or so we were at the bar. Not doing so created a schism in my desires and my actions, something RSD Julien would describe as "not being yourself". At this point I had also pretty clearly demonstrated interest, so not escalating to the kiss also revealed my lack of courage and confidence at that point in the night. I just couldn't stop thinking about how the girl in front of me was prom queen and I didn't even ask a girl to prom, how she was valedictorian and I was a lazy shithead in high school who glided into uni based on my test scores, and how she was just so clearly out of my league. This began my spiral into AFC territory.

As I continued to dig my own grave, someone handed me a drink, so of course I downed it. What I didn't realize until after was that it was a sex on the beach. I thought it would be funny to disqualify myself by telling my date how emasculated I felt after drinking it (it wasn't funny), and she told me that I had to do something to prove my manliness. I couldn't think of jack shit I had done that would be meaningful and looking back I probably didn't need to because that was a clear shit test. Mistake #8 was not explaining to her how I was actually a woman and therefore decidedly unmanly. Agree and amplify; two simple rules that I completely failed to follow. I ended up saying some quality AFC shit like "Well one thing I did that was manly was bring a pretty girl out tonight". Not only was this Mistake #9, overworking for her validation, but it also sealed my fate.

She laughed for a few seconds and pulled out her phone to show me the instagram of a guy who apparently used to stalk her and told me that she had gone out with him too, and that he wasn't manly in the slightest. 20/20 hindsight doesn't fail me now, and I realize that there were an insane amount of opportunities to make jokes about her stalker to lighten the mood or at the very least change the topic of conversation, but instead of doing any of the smart things I could have done, I sat there and let her compare me to this fucking chump on her screen. I kept saying things like "wow what a douche" like a true AFC would. That's what I was at that point, an AFC. Everything I did screamed AFC, which is why what happened next shouldn't have been surprising at all.

Mistake #10: being an Average Fucking Chump.

One of her friends shows up to the bar at this point. Before her friend (HB8) finds us, HB9 tells me "hey you're gonna meet my friend, my hot friend, HB8". My stomach dropped when I heard this, I knew I was done for. I scrambled and tried to salvage by ignoring HB9 and talking only to HB8 when she came over but this did absolutely nothing because girls don't get jealous when they aren't attracted to you. The night ended when HB9 turned to me and said: "I'm going to be a great wingwoman for you. Let's go check out some other bars!".

Her words hit me like a truck. I've been dumped, rejected, and laughed at before but I have never been so completely shut down like I was by her. The worst part about it was how she said it so naturally, like it was just part of conversation. I've read FRs where sedditors will throw IOIs at a girl without breaking conversation or flow at all, like an up down or a 3-point look, and that's exactly how she delivered my rejection.

Even though the set was clearly over, I kept making mistakes. Mistake #11 involved me literally sneaking out of the bar so my date wouldn't see me leave. I couldn't control my emotions and I started acting like the needy, whiny little AFC who at that point I honestly was. She texted me and asked where I was, and told me to meet her and HB8 at another bar nearby and I just replied with "I don't need a wing". I went to a different bar where I was almost certain she wouldn't be and tried to open a few sets. Considering my state was just completely shattered, I did alright for myself, opening 2 different HB6's by asking them if I was overdressed and what they thought of my jacket. They both said I looked very nice and started gushing IOIs at me but I was completely disinterested so I politely excused myself and walked home.

I received another text from HB9 asking where I was. I replied tersely, which I do when I really don't want to talk to someone who's texting me, with "home". She replied with an emoji and then an hour later she texted me to let me know she was glad I got home ok.

All in all this is and hopefully will be the worst night I have ever and will ever have in pickup. I'm pretty new to this but I made clear mistakes and oversights that I have never made with other sets. I was completely off my game. However, I hope to learn from my mistakes, and hopefully I was able to recognize every mistake that I made so I don't fuck up like this in the future.

TL;DR Date offers to be my wingwoman after I build and then destroy attraction as the night progresses. I made 11 major mistakes in total and possibly several more minor mistakes aside from that. Major mistakes include:

  • Starting in the position of a friend

  • Lack of mental presence

  • Lack of early interaction kino

  • Putting my date on a pedestal and devaluing myself

  • Failure to deal with AMOG (I have a feeling this will continue to be a weak point in future sets)

  • Getting drunk

  • Failure to pull the trigger and being a pussy in general

  • Failure to handle shit tests properly

  • Working too hard for approval/validation

  • Fully adopting the AFC mindset and actions that correspond with it

  • Sneaking out of the bar after I got completely BTFO

All in all I think it's safe to say that my failure all came down to inner game. I let her DHV herself straight onto a pedestal, and I lost all confidence and footing. I let her control my night instead of me.

Before I go, I have a few minor questions about some things she said.

1. Earlier in the night, before I blew it completely, she mentioned that a lot of guys she meets at bars want to have a one-night stand and told me that "she's not that kind of girl". Was this her DHVing herself? Normally I would expect this as LMR if I was creeping up on a K or F close but it was more or less out of the blue as I hadn't made any high escalations on her so it confused me.

2. How would you guys have handled the AMOG/shit tests that I did poorly on? Also, what would you have done when presented with the wingwoman line? Would you have responded to the texts differently?

Thanks for reading however much of this you read, and thanks for any responses in advance. Any opinions or analysis are welcome, even if they're just criticizing the presentation of my FR. I promise to have more successful FRs in the future. Bye for now, seddit!