[FR] Dinner Date Night-college style, Part II

Background: Here’s a link to my previous FR, in case you missed it. This is the 3rd date mentioned in that one.

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/15ka66/fr_dinner_date_night_college_style/

Date: We agree to meet at a parking lot near where I’m planning on going for dinner (I havn’t told her where of course). It’s raining, but when she pulls up I still get out of the car, walk around and give her a hug, and open the door for her. Then, I bust her balls for parking half way in between two spots when there were no other cars around us at all. I’m a firm believer that you can tease a girl all you want, but if you’re a gentleman in your actions, you will convey your interest that way, she is going to notice, and she is going to love it. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words.

We arrive, and despite me having called ahead, there is a forty minute wait. No problem, we grab a seat and start talking. I am mostly focused on getting the night started strong with some kino since it was lacking in the previous date. Its worth noting that in between the two dates, we hung out at a party (alcohol involved) but nothing happened due to my lack of action in the face of unfamiliar circumstances-for the sake of this FR, not too relevant though.

The conversation was lighthearted and fun, and somehow got around to social dynamics and psychology. Not sure about you guys, but I am an extremely analytical person and part of the reason I’m a fan of seddit is because I find social behavioral patterns and male/female interactions in general very interesting. One of the conversational skills I believe is stressed on here is to discuss things you are passionate about with girls, so I decided to take a bit of a leap here. I introduced the idea of IOIs (didn’t specifically refer to them as that) to her, describing how I noticed she kept playing with her hair, and that I thought it was cute, and that it may actually be rooted in evolution (preening-females trying to look their best for potential mates). She seemed a bit surprised, but also intrigued so I kept at it. I asked her to give me a high five, and purposely interlocked fingers after and explained how that can be another subconscious action which expresses attraction. I tried to gauge her reaction, and the impression I got was she was a little puzzled, but really didn’t care because she seemed genuinely happy to be there in the moment, talking to me about whatever it was we were talking about.

For another part of the initial conversation, I spent some time teasing her about a guy we both know who expressed (unreciprocated) interest in her a few years before I knew her, saying stuff like “so am I invited to your wedding?” etc. In hindsight, I’m not sure whether this was a good idea or not. Talking to girls about other guys on a date seemed a bit out of place for me, probably something I will try to avoid in the future, particularly if its actually a guy she had a thing with.

Finally we were seated, and once again, it was a booth, so I had to put the kino on hold for a while. One interesting thing to note, at one point she excused herself to go to the restroom, so being bored, I texted one of my friends, updating him on how things were going, and he gave me a call. When she came back to the table, she saw me on the phone, laughing and catching up with a friend. Though I did not do this intentionally, I am wondering if this came across as being high value, or whether she really thought anything of it. I of course ended the call as soon as she got back, and resumed conversation.

For the remainder of dinner, I found myself bored making relatively superficial conversation. For whatever reason, I was having a problem injecting the same spark as I had during the first date, and I attribute this to two things. First, at one point during dinner, I thought to myself “wow, something about her eyes look absolutely amazing tonight”. As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I began a sort of internal struggle on deciding whether or not to compliment her. On one hand, tons of advice on seddit suggests to never compliment a girl based on her physical features. But I am of the opinion that if you are giving a genuine compliment (even if its about something relatively generic, like eyes) that you noticed about her and are not expecting anything in return, then there is no issue at all, provided you do so sparingly. A warm, genuine compliment that catches her by surprise and is delivered well will make a girl who likes you melt. That said, I of course chickened out and never did it.

Second, I had already begun to think to myself that I had to kiss her tonight, thus putting myself under unnecessary pressure and throwing me off my game. A huge part of a successful date is making sure you are living in the moment, and I was not doing so at all during dinner.

I did have one really good moment I figured I’d share, she asked me if there were any girls in her sorority that I thought were weird or didn’t like (potentially a mild shit test, but I would have answered it honestly anyways, if she had gotten offended, too bad, her fault for asking). I pretended to think deeply about it for a second, and then said (with a smirk) “Well there’s this one girl I know, I met her pretty recently, she’s from (our town-clearly implying its her), she’s pretty cool but she’s a little strange sometimes”, which evoked a positive reaction from her. Be as unpredictable as you can guys, I’m a heavy teaser and still manage to catch girls off guard all the time with my responses.

Before I knew it, dinner was done, and we started walking back to the car. I entered that state of not really paying attention to what she/I was saying as I started thinking of ways to go in for a kiss. Something I realized after the date that is worth noting, there is never going to be a picturesque “moment” for doing it. No matter how you plan things out in your head, its always going to be a hell of a lot more awkward in reality, especially if you’re sober and relatively inexperienced like myself. The only remedy is practice. 9 times out of 10, the least awkward way is simply going to be stopping her, not saying anything, looking into her eyes with a big smile, and going for it. More than anything else from this date, this is what I learned, and I believe will be exceedingly helpful in the long run.

The plan I worked out ended up being this, we got in the car and I threw on some music so we could “brainstorm” what to do next. A country song came on, one of my favorites and I asked her “How would you rate your swing dancing abilities on a scale of 1-10?” (for those who aren’t aware, swing dancing is a type of dancing for country music that’s not too difficult but can get complicated if you’re really good-which I am not, but I really didn’t care, do something unique that’s going to surprise her and that she’ll remember was my thought process). So I tell her, “we’re gonna go practice”, and drive to a nearby empty parking lot (isolated) and parked the car, put some sappy country music on, and went at it.

Let me tell you folks, for whatever reason (I’d say a combination of my nervousness and both of our terrible dancing abilities) the next couple of minutes were some of the most awkward and hilarious in my dating life. Keep in mind, up until this point with this girl, I have, for the most part, been exceptionally smooth and on top of my game. This situation ended up being a complete 180 degree swing, and I temporarily reverted to AFC like tendencies. But after a few minutes of awkwardly bumping into each other, I manned up, and got my K-close. It felt like a huge relief for both of us, and although it went down nothing at all like how I’d pictured, it was enjoyable nonetheless.

Now guys, the pickup community has been exceedingly helpful in my progress with women over the last year, but there are certain circumstances when it is harmful, namely when I find myself trying too hard. I did perhaps the stupidest thing I’ve done all night, and pulled back from the kiss after a few seconds and said “not bad, I’d give that like a 5 out of 10 (referring to the kiss)”. She laughed, looked away and kind of hit me and I instantly knew I’d screwed up. Breaking a romantic moment like a first kiss with a girl you’re into in that way was a terrible idea. So its not surprising that, after a little more dancing, when I went in for another, I got the cheek with a “well this has been fun, I probably need to get back”. Fuck.

I recovered well enough though, laughed, pulled her in close and said “yeah ok, one more song”. Somehow I managed to recover my confidence, went in again after I let the sexual tension build up, and was met with no resistance this time. Minor crisis averted. On the drive back, I immediately reestablished the lighthearted confident frame asking her jokingly, “so on a scale of 1 to smooth?” (she laughed, “I thought it was cute!” score). And the awkward went away entirely. When I dropped her off, I ended on a high note, pulling her in for a hug, looking into her eyes and said “Sarah, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you these last couple weeks, I think we’re going to have a lot of fun next semester” and gave her a short kiss for the road. Unfortunately, probably my smoothest moment of the night, but overall I’m satisfied with how things went, I learned a lot, and the future is looking promising.

Hope you guys enjoyed, and please hit me with all the feedback you have, good and bad, not just about what I did well/poorly, but also how I can make these FR’s better!