Hi, first FR.

Friday I attended a small social function with a few friends. Friend of mine has invited HB6. There's nobody else there even remotely available, so I work on HB6.

The thing about HB6 is that she's an extremely light skinned black woman. She gets a lot of attention from black men. Having light skin is hugely attractive among blacks, I guess. I'm a white guy, so I'm not up on all of this, but it's not the first time I've met a light skinned black lady who is batting way higher than she should because of all the attention she gets from black men.

Psychologically, I think she's more like an HB8--not getting constantly hit on like an HB9 or HB10, but getting more attention than a "cute" HB7.

Anyway, me and HB6 are off to a good start. We're drinking, talking, she's dropping DHVs--talking about being bisexual, dudes hitting on her, her (good) job, etc. And there are IOIs--eye contact is good (but could have been better on my side), laughing, sitting by me, and she's kinoing me.

I'm doing pretty well. We're getting a bit drunker, my kino starts on her arms, moves to legs, later at one point she touches my thigh and leaves her hand there for 10 seconds while she answers a phone call. Things are going well, although I'm afraid to touch her legs on account of her wearing quite a short skirt and the watchful eyes of our mutual friends (I think this is where I lost it).

Anyway, she's a secret smoker. I've been let in on the secret right after meeting her (IOI?). We go behind a house, and we're alone. And I do...nothing. I think there might have been some arm touching, but nothing of substance.

We go back to join the group when she finishes her cig. I'm getting self conscious now, knowing that I just blew an opportunity for more kino (at the very least) and possibly even a k-close. The drinking continues. I get sloppier. I steer the conversation towards sex, but I'm nervous about it and (I think) it totally shows. We end up alone again smoking. I'm pretty wasted (as is she) and I try for a k-close and get denied. To my credit, I don't let it blow my game any more than its already blown, and we do continue to drunkenly converse. There's less kino though as the night goes on.

It's late, and I'm leaving. I'm very drunk at this point, but I'm heading home and she walks a bit of the ways (I'm only a few hundred meters from where the party was). Then she starts freaking out about the dogs all of a sudden (I have some big ass dogs). I say something like "this is a good time to meet the dogs, if I introduce you they'll know you're safe". I grab her hand. She complies for a moment, laughing, and comes but then a moment later she pulls her hand away and says she doesn't want to meet them. I think I go back for it but eventually just shrug it off and say goodnight.

The next day, I go back to where the party was--our mutual friend is more insistent than usual about me coming over to day drink. I go. HB6 is there day drinking. I half-ignore her. I'm just not really feeling it, I'm hungover, I'm embarrassed about the previous night (nobody says anything, and I state I don't remember much, a half-lie) and I'm just not motivated enough to chase an HB6. She does sit by me once or twice, and at one point she even goes out of her way to tap me on the head for attention (then walks away), but I'm admittedly not meeting her partway.

I'll probably see her again. I'm not really that into her, but practice never hurt anybody.

Looking back on this, I made a lot of mistakes. I failed at making the interaction sexual, I didn't escalate as fast as I should have (I get REALLY nervous escalating when there are witnesses from my social circle), I got way too drunk, and I didn't follow through the next day. Lastly (and generally), I got self-conscious about normal, male impulses.

I think I need to focus on being sexual, sexual conversation, and escalation on future targets. I think I generally need to get more comfortable with being a sexual person, but that's easier said than done (and I big part of the reason I'm on seddit in the first place).

Am I on the right track? Any tips for dealing with my blockages?

Thanks for reading.