A major problem I have is being overly serious and not knowing how to do witty banter in the attraction phase. Today I made an approach where I totally succeeded at it, and I wanted to give a blow-by-blow of the banter. Hopefully it helps other overly serious Sedditors out there.

Two side notes: one, I made three approaches today--when I woke up this morning, I had no intention of doing so, but I sacked up and just did it as I saw the opportunities. I'm trying to beat AA so this leaves me feeling really optimistic. Secondly, this is the first time I've posted FR's to Seddit or anywhere!

Me and a friend were out at a hip little restaurant. I decided to make a move on a beautiful HB8.5 that works there. She had a tiny nose ring, and I as she took our plates away I said "hey wait... is that--oh my god, you have a little nose stud. I totally had you pegged for an all-American church girl, but this changes everything!" She laughed and said yes, it was true, but she was still a church girl. I said, "I don't know, that seems pretty edgy for someone so conservative. But you know, I've seen worse. (True story here) A few months back, I was out at this bar--did you go to Big Public University? Do you ever hang out at Rustic Hipster Bar?"--she says yes, she graduated from BPU last year, and has had plenty of nights at that bar. "Well," I continue, "once I saw the sister of this girl I dated in high school there. That family is really religious. She was there with all of her little church friends, and they were dressed kind of hot actually. One of them had--no kidding here--a cross tramp stamp. Not to be sexy, just as an affirmation of her faith I guess." The girl laughed and said she hadn't thought about expressing her love for Jesus in the space above her ass. "You should consider it," I reply. "At the gym one time, (also a true story) I saw this perfect couple come in. They looked like something out of an Aryan propaganda calendar. Well the woman sits down on a machine and pulls out the biggest bible I've ever seen..." "What's wrong with that?" she asks. "Nothing, but get this... later she walks by me. She has a tramp stamp: 'Jesus,' in cursive, just an inch above the ass crack." The girl is laughing hard by now. She asks what we do.

Without missing a beat, my friend--who has no game and doesn't care to develop himself in that direction--says "we're tattoo artists." Now look, we are two of the most white bread, clean cut looking motherfuckers you've ever seen. Neither of us have a tattoo. She says, "you don't look like it at all! Do you even have any tattoos?" "Oh yeah, lots," he says. "But I'll never tell where." I'm thinking, Dan Dan Dan the man, you dark horse motherfucker coming out of nowhere with this witty banter! I tell her that we have a rule: if we can't do our own tattoos, we don't get them. So this limits our options, because we have to use a mirror, which requires amazing skill. She asks me if I have a tattoo on the small of my back. I say "yes, the name of every single woman I've ever loved." So how long is that list now? Are you running out of space? "Well, by the time I turn 28, I hope it will have climbed to my neck," I say. We milk this joke a bit longer, and then she asks how a person can tattoo themselves. "You have to love pain," I say. "I actually hold a lighter to the needle before I do it."

We find out that her day job is at a preschool. I say she doesn't look trustworthy enough to be around kids, "with that crazy piercing and all." She says it took some convincing for her boss to let her keep it in, and I say the kids must love it. "They do, they just adore it."

Best line of the night: "well if I was a boy in your preschool, I'd call it your booger." She laughs hysterically and says "yes, my shiny booger! I love it. Well I don't have any tattoos--yet. But at least I know someone who can help me when I decide to get one."

Here's where it goes south. She asks if we have a company, and I say no, we're freelancers, but I do have a number. I should have exchanged numbers right then, but I let the conversation end naturally, with her saying it was great to meet us and she'll see us soon. We sat there for a few more minutes and I decided I would get her number by saying "listen, we've been thinking of expanding our operation to younger audiences. I think you might be our 'in' to the pre-k market, but I need to get your number so we can talk business." Perfect, right? But it was not to be, because she grabbed a salad off the line, disappearing into the back for her shift meal.

Contrast this to my second approach of the day, solo at a coffeehouse later that night. I ask a HB7 sitting near me to watch my stuff while I go to the bathroom. I come back and say thanks, then reference a psychology study about how if you ask people to watch your stuff, your stuff is much less likely to get taken, because people tend to confront the would-be thief. Then, I add, I picked her to watch my stuff because she looks like an aggressive person who would really throw down if someone touched my computer. She laughed. Then I asked her what was with the freaky pictures she was looking at. Pediatric scoliosis, she says--she's in med school. Cool, I say, my stepdad is a doctor (I immediately regret being boring!). I excuse myself to get a refill. On the way back, I re-engage her but with mostly boring talk. Where is she going to med school? Why pediatrics? She asks questions about me, like where I work, and we connect on this one--because her dad works in the same company, and I work for the company's Big Boss, and her dad hates the Big Boss. The conversation devolves into shop talk, and while it's pleasant enough, I am bored, and she also at some point referred to her boyfriend. I said I had to get back to my project and ejected myself from the conversation. She said bye on the way out. A major problem I seem to have is that once I find out a woman is smart, I just want to talk about cerebral stuff, not connect emotionally. This was just like that, but at least I engaged her.A striking contrast from the day's earlier approach.

I talked to a third woman too and complimented her tattoos but didn't carry it further because we were in the line for the bathroom and it was my turn. I knew I wouldn't be able to talk to her for more than a few seconds but I just needed to do something, anything.

Today was a good day in my battle against AA.