Laid a girl last night who was a friend of one of my female friends.

The reason I was able to pull this off is due to:

  • Inner game advances I've made due to listening to a bunch of audio books about dating and pickup, reading this forum, and working through my fear and anxiety doing cold approach *direct* day game.
  • Dressing a lot better, developing a style, and better grooming, better overall presentation
  • Better body language, better walk, better posture
  • Better eye contact
  • Working out at the gym a lot, looking stronger and more fit

To give a little context me. I am fairly sexually experienced. I've fucked over 100 women. But most of them were online, not from real life. And most of them were less attractive than I am, save for a few random hotties. So in some areas I have a lot of experience and authority on women. But in other ways, I'm very much a beginner when it comes to real, solid game.

Normally when I would go out to a bar to meet friends, I show up dressed in casual clothes that look ok. Looking like a normal dude. Then I get kind of anxious in the public place cause its loud, I had more social anxiety, and deep down I feel like a social loser cause of still being fucked in the head from middle school and high school.

This time, I strode, up was dressed really well. Not dressed up, but nice jeans, nice shoes, nice shirt, nice jacket. Everything went together and looked unique and cool. (Note: I have a wing who is very fashionable. Hanging out with him and watching him show and dress helped me develop my own style)

I didn't care too much if anyone liked me and felt confident. I didn't figure I'd like any of the friends of the girl who invited me, so I was prepared to do some pickup while I was there.

But as I walked up, I noticed one of her friends was very beautiful, Latin girl, my type. I looked at me and I held eye contact with a pleasant expression until she looked away. (Note: There are better ways to handle this. Richard LaRuina calls it forcing an IOI, basically doing something bold to acknowledge the eye contact instead of basically just starting her down, but I'm not good at this yet.)

I was a little nervous and struggling a little with confidence and anxiety because I was very attracted to her, but wayyy less than usual. She sat away from me for a bit, then went to the bathroom and came back and sat next to me. When she sat next to me, she started touching me A LOT.

I should mention here, that I thought of trying to find a reason to sit next to her, but I think this would have been needy. So I held my ground until she came to me. Did I know she would come to me? No, I didn't.

Some of the other men there were more outgoing than me. Usually this makes me feel anxious because I feel like I should be more outgoing. But this time I decide to be more comfortable with my own temperament and try to understand my cards better rather than trying to wish I had someone else's cards. I didn't talk a lot, but I made a few jokes when I felt like and everyone laughed and I added to the conversation when I felt like it.

I also noticed that she was touching another guy there some too. This made me feel anxious and doubt myself and doubt her attraction for me. This is a weak thought process and a weak frame. I had to re-focus and understand that needing her validation and 100% attention is needy and unattractive. I didn't know those types of thought processes were sabotaging me in the past. But now that know, I won't allow those thought processes to continue. Instead I made peace with knowing that she's probably into me, but I can;t know for sure, and she probably also finds that other guy attractive too.

The reason I describe this is because this is all inner game stuff. So many of the guys struggling here and not knowing why is because of subtle shit like this. Reading about what they "should" be doing and trying to do tactics. When they need to step back and work on their inner game. Understand on a deeper level how they can be attractive.

Later on, I ended up on the dance floor with her. Instead of trying to get close to her and escalate, which I think is a very common rookie, mistake. I kept my distance from here and moved away for a bit and closer for a bit. Because of my improved inner game, I was able to dance comfortably weather or not she was giving me attention.

Later on we ended up at someone's house and cuddled on the couch and played drinking games with anyone. Again, I wasn't needy by always trying to be next to her, when she sat next to me, I would put my arm around her but I didn't follow her around like I might have in the past.

After everyone left or fell asleep, we fucked in the spare bedroom.

The reason I wanted to write this up is because it illustrates a vector to getting good at game that is less logical tactics, and other shenanigans; and more fundamental.

One thing I'd like to stress is the power of cold approach pickup. My personality and confidence has drastically changed for the better over the past few months because I buckled down and started doing cold approach day game. Right now I'm at about approach 130. So still very much a beginner, but enough to be able to say I can do it and not pussy out.

The reason it is such a powerful thing to do is that it forces you to experience pain, confront fear, and have adventures. Lately I've been way less anxious and more confident and more fun at parties and around people because I am so much more comfortable in my own skin. And this is largely due to putting myself through the gauntlet of cold approach.

Cold approach also forces you to work through all the things you are doing that are turning people off in your first impression. Mine was that I was too nice, too focused on what they thought of me. Not bold enough, not centered enough. When I noticed so many of my approaches were with women who seemed to like me but not want to actually go out with me, I had to reflect on why this was and iterate and change. Cold approach really forces you to work your shit out in all kinds of ways. For the guys not doing it, I encourage you to do. For the guys doing it and getting nowhere, I encourage you to stop fooling yourself and get out of your comfort zone and do what you need to do to identify where you need to get better and where you need to mix things up.

Another thing I'd like to mention is that this whole discipline of pickup and striving for success with more and better women is a multi-faceted discipline. I really don't think its a good idea to just focus on getting good at talking and the actual pickup. I know they say "Anyone can pull hot girls if their game is good enough." And although that may technically be true (although I have seen no real life evidence of it), its really an inefficient and kind of lazy to hyper-focus on just that one dimension of pickup. Instead I think it is much better to tackle all the dimensions: Go to the gym, get jacked, and feel physical pain. Get guy friends who are kind, confident and lay women. Dress well. Groom yourself. Work hard on your career and/or your passion. Be a fuckin man.

Be the best version of yourself.