Gents,

I’ve reached the breaking point. Please help a brother gamer get this area in life handled. For two years I’ve been taking girl after girl out. I typically meet them on direct day game and have done hundreds and hundreds of direct approaches. I had my date no. 29 this year tonight and got blown out. For two years straight I’ve been rejected by no less than 80% of the girls that I have taken on dates. Out of my 29 dates in 2011 I’ve gotten a mere 4 lays and 2 K-closes. It cannot go on this way… it’s driving me absolutely mad.

Having been coached twice by Chase Amante my performance on dates in terms of conversational skills has changed and I have started applying structure to my dates. I no longer struggle with conversation which tends to flow freely now with the girls talking and talking about themselves and investing in the interaction.

I feel I generally perform well on dates nowadays, but 4 of 5 girls always refuse to come with me to my place, even though I can see that some of them are attracted to me, and when I try to kiss them they typically pull away, even if I persist. Some girls WILL come home with me but will pull away when we’re sitting on the bed and I go for the kiss.

Tonight I met my HB 8 date in one of the party areas of Beijing. I met her on night game some time back, but we didn’t manage to meet up sooner. Tonight it was her who asked me out. Nothing like girls doing the chasing ;). We were supposed to meet around 22.15 PM, but around 22.30 she called me and was crying and told me to meet at one of the nearby big roads where she would come down (yeah, her leading is not good, but she’s sad and crying, so ok).

I wait for nearly an hour all together. Sucks bigtime. When she finally shows up she has tears in her eyes. Turns out she’d had a big argument with her parents who keep pushing her to get married and her father had said something very bad to her on the phone that ruined her evening.

Anyway. We go to a small café in one of the party areas of Beijing and sit side-by-side with legs resting against each other. That's a good sign for a start. I’m not sure how to handle her bad mood so I put my arm around her, pull her in and comfort her, while I talk to her. I have her tell me about the situation with her parents and I tell her stuff like, yeah, her parents don’t know how to deal with her because she’s strong and independent and they are traditional Chinese, so they are frustrated because they feel they cannot reach her and then they react with anger, etc.

All the comforting gradually changes her mood. We have our first sip of our drinks and I change the subject by starting a deep dive (comfort-building technique by Chase Amante) and I start out by asking about her work and what she feels about it. Classic pacing and leading. At some point she even tells me that she wants to show me a copy of the magazine she makes next time we meet.

Throughout I am kinoing her, I have my arm around her, she complies, we hold hands, she complies, I move her around so she leans against me, she complies. We play various kino games, she lights up and starts laughing, etc. I tell her to draw stuff on my hand hands while looking into my eyes, she complies. Strong eye contact is a killer for building attraction quickly.

At this point things are going well. We talk a little more, but a feeling is growing in me that things are not moving forward and that they are stalling. We’ve been at the café for around 1,5 hours; it should be time to move on. I nowadays attempt to pull girls to my place at the middle of the date, rather than at the end where things are only going downhill. This is typically where I lose girls who are moderately to strongly attracted. Beats me why. That spells S-T-I-C-K-I-N-G P-O-I-N-T!

I say: “let’s get out of here”. She asks, where? “Let’s go to my place and watch an episode of ‘Friends’ and get a cup of tea to round off the night”. She says: “that’s not a good reason” and subcommunicates that she doesn’t want to leave at all. I don’t want to leave that one hanging (not being able to lead kills attraction) so I say “can you make tea? Let’s go to your place to have a cup”.

Aargh. I’m starting to struggle and chase hard here. Finally I get her to move. She thanks me for the drinks, but in my experience that usually means: “thank you for the drinks, but I’m really not interested in you romantically”.

I move her to a disco where I attempt to get her to dance to ‘lighten her mood’. We get there but she doesn’t comply, and I have to playfully move her arms and body in dance moves. Not good. That failing, I move her on. She starts talking about how we should go home (not together!). We go for a short walk around the area. We go to a small bar, but they close at 2 AM. By the time we get there it’s 1.30, so we move on.

In one of the hallways outside of the bar I pull her in for a kiss (thinking close or burn); I hold her around her waist, pull her in, she struggles, she pulls her face away, so I start smelling her hair and kissing her neck. She asks me if I have a girlfriend, I say no, she asks why not, I say: “because I don’t have the time”. That was a mistake. Just trying to disqualify myself as a boyfriend there, but after that she disengages completely.

We walk a few more meters and she says she wants to go home. I let go of her hand, because I’ve tried this way too often. A common mistake I make is getting angry when I get rejected, and tonight was no exception… with my closing vs. dating statistics try to put yourselves in my shoes. I’m so close…. And I always drop the ball. We go downstairs, I say: “I have to take a taxi from over there” and I leave without giving her a hug.

Yeah, agreed, that doesn’t sound polite or nice, but seriously, it’s really, really difficult to be gracious and not let my feelings show when I take girls out and I’m rejected again… and again… and again… and again… and again... and then again...

If a girl is attracted enough why would she refuse to come home with me? I’ve been having that same experience time after time again that I sense the girls like me but don’t want to come home with me… and then after a while afterwards they stop replying to my texts and they become lost for good.

In summary, I suspect that tonight I ended up in the boyfriend zone. I suspect that by talking about HER most of the time I don’t DHV enough. There is typically not such a playful vibe on my dates… but often they’re still attracted to me, but I can’t score. I attempt to sexualize the dates by mainly applying kino, strong eye contact and triangular gazing. Sometimes that turns them on to an extend that they say: “Don’t look at me like that, I’m shy!”, but I still cannot get them to my place, or even K-close.

Again, any comments, thoughts, and feedback are highly valued. I’m soooo close to another breakthrough… but for all my efforts I still remain plateaued.

Thanks, cool guys of Seddit! :)