Been with my first gf for 4 years. First 3.5 were amazing, then it went to shit. It's been 6 months after the break up and I've been researching PUA stuff, approaching random girls, chatting on dating apps and stuff. Logic tells me that learning this stuff and practicing pick up and relationships with women will grow me into a better person anyway. But after such a long relationship it often feels very meaningless and less real. In the past I didn't bother with any of this and had a deep loving relationship, now I'm basically trying to make strangers interested in me. And sometimes it's really demotivating, since it takes a ton of time and effort to build a good relationship and now I know, that it can still go to shit fast anyways.

Has anyone had that experience, when approaching and trying to date/pick up girls feels like you're on a pointless "performance" marathon, feeling like a fraud or a clown, without anything more meaningful in life? How do you deal with it?