Growing attachment, losing attraction

hollowsteps · 2011-12-13T01:36:24+00:00

I'm just going to put this out as my missive more or less for this community, not because I dislike it or because I haven't learned anything from it. On the contrary, I learned a lot about myself just reading the material and trying to understand it.

This stuff, this seduction stuff, the games we play, the push and pull and giving value and blah blah blah is all crap in the end. That's mind games, whether you like it or not. It will attract a certain kind of girl who, whether or not she realizes or cares, isn't really looking for a relationship.

Everything but the inner game stuff here actually is a DLV to woman looking for a serious thing.

The inner game stuff is solid. You ARE a good man and WILL struggle with feelings of inadequacy that can only be solved by affirmation and self-improvement. But you will also, in the end, play games with others that devalue you. No one likes a manipulator and all you're doing here is learning how to press the buttons of a certain kind of person. It attracts girls who are looking for flings and lets face it, she was going to fuck/make out with someone that night, you just did the things to make sure it was you.

That being said, I fixed my inner game which was wonky and 6 months ago met a girl I really liked. There are the normal amount of insecurities and shit but we communicate about it like a normal couple should instead of shielding ourselves like children. We are still together and very happy.

So go out, spread seed or whatever you feel is necessary using seduction. And when you want a real relationship, search for someone the old fashioned way; just go out and do what you love, you'll find someone there who surprise surprise, has your same interests, and something real can blossom from there.

failsmath · 2011-12-12T20:48:02+00:00

unfortunately, I suffer from this as well. It's ruined 3 relationships that I actually saw going somewhere. Our problem is that we are too nice. I would wholeheartedly suggest giving less of a fuck about what's going on in terms of the relationship. Don't overthink anything. That's where I have deduced this problems starts from. Just be yourself. I realize it's easier said then done, but don't change your attitude just because you are in a relationship. Obviously you have to in certain contexts like flirting with other girls and stuff, but really try your best to make it seem like you two are just friends who have a physical attraction. That's what I've felt worked the best in my most recent relationship. It ended, not because of the viscous cycle you mentioned above, but because she was a crazy bitch. That's a story for a different day tho. hope this rant helps.

abalone_sandwich · 2011-12-12T20:48:59+00:00

This is a pretty normal thing that happens to many guys. Just stay focused on your long-term goal. Maybe even open another girl, or start from the top of that pattern you described, but with someone else. Once you do that, I bet you'll find the thing(s) that make that one girl 'special' are actually qualities/characteristics that many girls have.

2011-12-13T02:13:59+00:00

"Stick with her for a bit"

^{^} Here is your problem.

Always be collecting new girls. Nothing helps keep you from getting too attached to yesterday's girl like today's girl.

Honestly though, evaluate whether or not you're really looking for the "new girl every week" lifestyle. If you are, you have to go 100% at it, if you're not, just find one you like. Nothing wrong with it, but you can't do both.

sillymallard · 2011-12-13T20:02:21+00:00

I haven't had a serious relationship in a while. I'm trying to be different with my current. I'm trying to periodically disconnect myself from her, to remember abundance mentality and outcome independence. I try bringing my mental state back to the time when we had just gone on a couple dates, and try to imagine myself flirting with her, kino-ing, making her laugh etc. as if I was trying to build attraction from scratch again. Not expecting anything and remembering that I am 100% whole and happy without her is key to all of this. I also believe showing affection and hanging out non-sexually periodically is key to building a relationship.

Hookups and FWBs are simply about sex.

Friends are simply about hanging out and having a good time.

Girlfriends are about sex and hanging out and having a good time.

eponymouspony · 2011-12-13T00:44:27+00:00

There's no such thing as a guy being "too available" unless the girl is playing mindgames too. Just be honest about what you want and hope she has the decency to do the same.

Title	Growing attachment, losing attraction
Author	failsmath
Upvotes	17
Comments	15
Date	December 12, 2011 8:11 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/na075/growing_attachment_losing_attraction/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/growing-attachment-losing-attraction.1325739 https://theredarchive.com/post/1325739

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