Hi all, I wanted to seek advice on how to deal with feelings of jealousy, possessiveness, and insecurity, as they seem to go hand in hand.

These feelings seem to amplify the more I become invested in a girl, and I get debilitated to the point where I can barely focus at work/activities if a girl I am dating or am interested in does something to make me jealous. This has happened with girls I have been in relationships with and girls I have been interested in despite knowing that these feelings are irrational and extremely unhealthy.

Examples:

-With a girlfriend I had, there was a time when she didn’t text me back as soon as I expected, and scenarios played in my head that she was out cheating on me. She wasn’t, but I nearly had a panic attack and literally couldn’t sleep.

-In another relationship, I checked her phone and emails while she was sleeping to see if she was doing something behind my back, and if she was talking to other guys. I know, absolutely pathetic. Recalling this and typing this out just makes me cringe and feel so weak.

-When she would go out for dinner with her girlfriends, thoughts would come up in my head that she would get picked up by a guy and she would cheat on me.

-Getting extremely jealous of a girl I’m interested in having a conversation with another guy. It’s even worse when I hear her laugh. My jealousy and insecurity get so bad that I get distracted, lose focus on what I’m doing, and essentially shut down. I actually lose sleep some days going through scenarios of what it is they possibly talked about. These feelings seem to come up with every girl I become interested in. I know, it’s ridiculous.

I obsess over these girls and irrational thoughts and jealousy seem to frequently come up. I am (mostly) able to keep these feelings inside, enough to not freak out the girl I’m interested in or the girl I’m in a relationship with, but I feel so pathetic, weak, and like such a fucking beta.

What can I, or should I do?