How can we ever be secure in our LTR's?

one-lover · 2014-01-12T06:07:04+00:00

A lot of what /r/seduction is about still applies in long term relationships. I've been married for 14 years and I follow these rules (and a lot more) to keep things going.

You need to be your own person
You need to have ambition
You need to be fit
You need to be assertive

The other aspect of being in an LTR is that there is an element of trust that is unavoidable. If you have a wife you will have to be a "provider" at some point. When she's vomiting it'll be you who holds her hair back. That's some beta shit right there.

Thing is, relationships are more fluid once you stop paying as much attention to SMV. You each will have to compromise to keep life going on. You're gonna have to be a provider or beta at some moments, and she'll have to be whatever the female equivalent is. That's doubly true if you have kids.

If your long-term partner is following the same rules you are to maximize their attractiveness, then she will need some space. You are just gonna have to trust that you are the one she wants. (I'm assuming she's doing what she needs to for you to feel good about the relationship.)

Thankfully the standard rules of attractiveness apply for you, too. Be that alpha and she'll still want you, even when she's doing shots off of a male stripper at a batchelorette party.

SCBeagle · 2014-01-12T05:33:59+00:00

this is a massive insecurity of mine since I started getting laid consistently. before, I figured people in relationships didn't cheat ever. jesus christ that is not the case. i've had girls text their boyfriends while in bed with me. although honestly, it's probably just that the girls that these PUA tactics work on are the same type of girl to cheat.

sungodra_ · 2014-01-12T07:22:31+00:00

It's an insecurity you have to live with in any relationship. The fact is the other person is an autonomous being and can at any point choose to leave you for someone else.

However, you can choose the women that you will date. If it's a big deal to you not to be cheated on and to have a monogamous relationship then it's your responsibility to find someone who also shares that value.

Relationships and pick up strategies don't really work well together, people here like to think they do but it takes more than just attracting someone to build a relationship together. You have to look for someone who shares your values, instead of just using the techniques shown here to attract someone. Attraction is fickle and can change at any moment, but commitment is a conscious choice. That's what this community doesn't teach you. It's up to you to be selective about who you date, find out more about them, what their values are and how they behave, if you don't want to be burned. Of course, if all you're looking for is a lay, then it doesn't matter. But you're not looking for that, you're looking for a long term relationship where you can trust the other person not to hurt you or cheat on you like that, and that's why using pick up techniques to find any girl out there will leave you feeling insecure about whether you can trust her.

Here's a Mark Manson article that explains it better than I ever could:

http://postmasculine.com/pickup-artist

And another that talks about values

http://markmanson.net/values

40Watts · 2014-01-12T06:11:02+00:00

You can never be 100% secure and you just have to come to terms with it.

rusty84 · 2014-01-12T06:45:38+00:00

You can't be, especially if you're young. For example, from my experience in college, a relationship means nothing to some girls — girls with boyfriends (most of them are lDR thought) have offered me sex a bunch of times. However, most decent girls, won't cheat. If she does cheat, it sucks, but at least you found out she wasn't worth it, and you never have to look back.

2014-01-12T20:47:48+00:00

The same way you trust your mother to not suddenly decapitate you in your sleep.

At least, that's how I look at it.

Venage · 2014-01-12T07:16:38+00:00

I wonder the same thing OP. Also it's definitely partly the weed.

2014-01-13T20:16:47+00:00

This is going to sound terrible, but: you have to keep gaming your girl. Like her less than she likes you. Read Heartiste/Roissy. Be willing to leave at any moment.

OrangeCantRhyme · 2014-01-12T06:20:21+00:00

The girls who pickup works on is not the entire set of girls in the world - pickup works particularly on the more "open-minded" girls out there. These girls are confident and free with their sexuality which means that they are also more willing to express it with more people... which leads to ease of cheating.

Go find a 30 year old virgin... they aren't going to hop in the sack with you very easily and will probably be ignorant to most of your game... but they sure as hell will be loyal.

youreunbelieveable · 2014-01-12T07:57:00+00:00

Short answer-you can't

jurbles · 2014-01-12T11:32:27+00:00

like there are always threats to our life, so to are there always threats to our relationships. you just gotta accept the risk and enjoy what you have while you have it.

Cali_Val · 2014-01-12T05:44:04+00:00

you cant. all you can do is be the best PUA out there, so she will have to think twice before she cheats. theres a line where if she gets caught its WAAAY worse than any pleasure she feels. you're ass better still be gaming and being successful in all stages of life or youre fucked in a hole. Almost Any girl will cheat if the right opportunity rises

ThrowawayPUA · 2014-01-12T05:39:56+00:00

girlfriends and cheating... insecurity of mine..

Yes indeed, this is your insecurity. You have possessive attitudes about women. You think that your girlfriend is your property, and that other guys are potential trespassers. You think that she doesn't have the right to make her own sexual choices, once she has a contractual obligation to obey you.

This is exactly the attitude that drives your girlfriend into another guy's arms. That guy won't judge her.

Title	How can we ever be secure in our LTR's?
Author	SCBeagle
Upvotes	24
Comments	26
Date	January 12, 2014 4:51 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1v0fai/how_can_we_ever_be_secure_in_our_ltrs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-can-we-ever-be-secure-in-our-ltrs.1364333 https://theredarchive.com/post/1364333

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