~ archived since 2018 ~

How do you become confident?

Zweitaccount · 2018-03-03T02:27:13+00:00

Hi, I never was a big women's man. I had a few girlfriends, a hookup or two. I always chased women to get self-worth out of them. I'm acknowledging...

Zweitaccount

March 3, 2018

4 upvotes

/r/seduction

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Post Information

Title	How do you become confident?
Author	Zweitaccount
Upvotes	4
Comments	19
Date	March 3, 2018 2:27 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/81lkrx/how_do_you_become_confident/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-become-confident.1308806 https://theredarchive.com/post/1308806

Comments

[–]YesIStick 3 points4 points5 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Zweitaccount 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]YesIStick1 point 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]GuyFromDaStore 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]brianbria 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't have the answer to self-worth, but I think self-improvement is NOT the answer. How can you feel self-worth with self-improvement when self-improvement is basically saying "you/re shit now, but complete this goal and you'll be better, and after that goal do this goal, and after that goal do another goal and then you'll be better." You'll be running on a wheel never being content within yourself. Goals just keep going, there's people with millions of dollars and 6 packs not content within themselves even though they have achieved a lot relatively speaking.

Self-care on the other hand is different, and I think that plays a part in feeling self-worth. Self-care is like eating right because you care about your body, sleeping well because you care about your mental health etc. Not because you think you need to be better, that's what self-improvement is all about "be better, you're shit now." Self-care is like treating yourself kindly as if you were a child and not harming yourself, speaking up for yourself with bullies, eating right, going to the doctors if you're sick etc.

[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

self-improvement is NOT the answer. How can you feel self-worth with self-improvement when self-improvement is basically saying "you/re shit now, but complete this goal and you'll be better, and after that goal do this goal, and after that goal do another goal and then you'll be better."

100% agreed. It's the same reason why everyone looks for the new fad diet -- cuz they couldn't maintain the last fad diet they were on. Just eat less calories and work out a bit more, for fuck's sake.

I got really strong, because I wanted to see my name up on the board for my high school's deadlift record. So I ate really healthy, drank a bunch of protein shakes, lifted like 2 hours every day, and I set a record that hasn't been broken in like 9 years now.

It was a stupid thing to do (cuz who the fuck cares now??), but at the time, I was pretty excited about it.

Was I doing it for girls though? Nope -- I had a girlfriend, who couldn't give two shits about deadlift. Nor was I actually trying to improve myself, really -- I just wanted to see my name up on that board, next to a few guys who went on to the NFL and MLB.

But you're right. I was treating myself better. Sure, it was for a stupid reason, but I was only just doing it for myself.

Either way, like you said -- in college, I stopped lifting weights, stopped eating healthily, etc... and I fucked more girls in the first semester of college than I ever have in any other period of my life. I didn't even brush my teeth or use deodorant for multiple days at a time. You'd think the girls must've been ugly as fuck, but maybe I was just the cleanest guy in the dorm, compared to the other monsters.

[–]Zweitaccount 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

Drinking (to a point) is totally fine -- it's how I became a mod here, and partly how I became more successful with women, in general.

You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders, so you're already doing better than most guys, believe it or not.

For me personally (and this might not work for you), I literally just faked it -- for every interaction, I imagined what Brad Pitt would say/do, and just said/did that exact thing. It worked. Nowadays, I'm just myself, but I still have that general influence.

Honestly, people will notice that you're fat, but you're the only one who really cares that you're fat -- you know what I mean? And most girls like bigger guys anyway (and they don't really prefer muscular guys -- just bigger guys overall).

You basically need to stop seeking any sort of worth from women, or from other interactions. You know who you are, and you appreciate yourself on some level for that alone. If some guy or girl responds negatively to you, that's their own problem. Easier said than done, but for me, I just acted like a different person, so everything I said or did was as an "act" -- and thus, had no bearing on me myself.

From there, it just became a part of me, and I became more confident in general. I used to go to Christmas parties at my stepdad's family's house, and I would always stay near my mom, cuz I was anxious as fuck and didn't want to talk to anyone else. But after changing my entire demeanor, now I can talk to anyone (and if I get a bit drunk, I become the life of the party, which I never was before).

Obviously, you need to take that first step. For me, the first step was basically to take on an entire persona, and it worked. It might be different for you, but the important part is understanding that it only required a slight tweaking of my thought-process, and I was suddenly a different person. You can do the same. I still have anxiety and shit, but that's IMO kinda a separate issue (depending on the circumstances).

[–]headonbot_ 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Zweitaccount 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

First off, many thanks for your kind words.

I think I have a weird relationship with "fake it till you make it": I feel, if I would fake it, that I would act as someone I am not (clearly that's the point, but hear me out).

I act as this confident guy and people will maybe get the impression (or see right through it, which scares me) I am exactly that. But I don't feel like myself, it's a role I play. And that's the point for me, I want people to like me, not the charade I am playing. I don't know if it's really understandable, but it's the most important part for me. I don't want people to like the person I am playing, but myself. Honestly, I think if I'd knew how to "act" to get hookups, I wouldn't do it besides one or two times to try it out.

I also think that you're exactly right. I need a tweak of my viewpoint and should acknowledge myself more. I am working on it with my therapist, this would really solve a ton of problems.

[–]frogma 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

For me, it started from a point of anxiety and (to some level, at least) desperation. I knew (from the first day of orientation in college -- where I went out-of-state) that I could easily just sit there and do nothing, and be perfectly comfortable.

But I knew I couldn't make friends that way -- so as soon as I walked into this huge lecture hall, I went and sat next to this random dude (who turned out to be living in the dorm next to mine). I started talking to him, and we hit it off, and I was friends with him ever since. I basically "acted" more personable than I would normally act.

After that, I kept doing it, and kept developing my actual mindset, to the point where I was just the guy who talked to everyone and was always the life of the party.

You're only thinking about it in terms of your current mentality. You can actually change your mentality (it just takes some effort).

[–]GuyFromDaStore -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]violentmoreviolent 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Zweitaccount 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]violentmoreviolent 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ReallyGrounded 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link