How do you reconcile 'outcome independence' with 'attraction isn't a choice'? If I'm overwhelmingly attracted to someone why should I be immune to things going wrong?

sillymallard · 2012-02-07T18:38:12+00:00

You are correct. The solution is to get experience. Approach 100s of times. This allows your logical brain to tame your animal brain. You understand that while getting rejected by a girl you like doesn't feel good, it isn't that big of a deal, because it's happened before, and it'll happen again.

Ironically, when a girl DOES show interest, it feels good, but it also won't be that big of a deal, because it's happened before, and it'll happen again. This is ironic, because it's this nonchalant attitude is precisely what will make a girl more curious about you, wondering why you're not getting weak in the knees by her beauty. She'll sense that you are preselected by women, that you are completely comfortable around a beautiful girl, and will respect you for this.

Most cases of oneitis and expecting way too much from getting a girl's number, going on a first date, or getting a kiss is from a lack of experience. You think this girl, or this experience, is a once-in-a-lifetime event rather than a somewhat common occurrence.

The first time you go off the diving board is scary. The water is cold, and it doesn't feel good. But then you get out of the pool and go off the diving board again. And again. And again. After a week of doing this every day, you still get a little nervous when you get to the diving board, but now it's really not as big a deal as it was the first time.

2012-02-07T08:19:33+00:00

If a girls 'bitch shield' is up... There's no way you can make her attracted. You have to down the shield first. If you can trick them (or give them genuine reason) into lowering their bitch shield ... attraction isn't a choice.

What we have to develop is something 'similar' to a bitch shield, but for completely different reasons.. We need a shield of uncaring... by all means though, once you're in with a girl and you've fucked her and everything is good lower the shield and let her in.. that's how relationships work.

BrianKPSMark · 2012-02-07T20:06:50+00:00

I think you need to be attracted to them but not attached to the outcome of you being with them. Attraction isn't a choice. Your choice is to pursue the attraction. Once you make that choice you have a choice whether or not you're going to be attached to the outcome or not. If it goes well awesome, that's the way it was supposed to go. If it doesn't go well that's cool too. Learn your lesson and move on. People can't shrug off attraction but they can make the choice to live in the present moment and clear their mind of outcomes

puaCurveBall · 2012-02-07T17:02:09+00:00

I don't believe these two concepts are logically against one another.

Attraction isn't a choice is about saying if you have X, Y and Z qualities then you will be found attractive.

Outcome independence is about not being needy and being alright with whatever happens.

Being outcome dependent is a quality that will make you unattractive, regardless of her choice.

rmbarnes · 2012-02-07T13:13:08+00:00

The reason you fuck it up is because you go into 'make sure things go well' mode because you place such a high emphasis on the outcome. Once you hit on 1,000 attractive girls in a year you realise that the attractive girl in the current set is just 1 of 1000 you will hit on this year, so even if you are attracted you don't care if you fuck up.

RedErin · 2012-02-07T17:16:08+00:00

Sounds to me like you're just theory-crafting with out much experience to back it up.

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