How not to appear cocky?

ItsBinissTime · 2015-02-27T04:36:08+00:00

The difference between cocky and confident is that cockiness is self focused and/or competitive.

Confidence allows you to forget about yourself and focus on others in a positive, giving way.

If you have true confidence, people would probably find your cockiness endearing.

Edit for imaginary example:

Imagine a guy dancing with a girl. He knows the dance so well that it's ingrained in his body. He doesn't have to think about it, and all is attention is on her.

This is confidence. He leads her, and adjusts to her actions, speed, rhythm, and abilities. He makes dancing easy for her.

Now imagine a guy who has recently gained "confidence" in his ability to dance. Most of his attention is focused on himself. He's appreciating how well he performs. He's even comfortable enough to show off some flashy moves.

This is cockiness. He's not in tune with her at all. She's struggling to keep up. He makes dancing difficult for her. She finds him annoying.

Now imagine the confident guy finding just the right moments to throw in a little extra style, or to jokingly throw in the "wrong" move or pretend to stumble momentarily.

Cockiness is likely to be enjoyed and appreciated when it comes with true confidence.

trpadawan · 2015-02-27T02:36:50+00:00

my best friend told me that recently I've been coming off as a fucking cocky douchebag

Cocky is good. As long as you don't cross the line into complete douchebag territory there's nothing wrong with overtly showing your confidence.

Your friend means well, but he's saying that because the "new you" is different that what he expects, and subconsciously he doesn't like that. Give it time. Be whoever you want to be, and your friends will get used to it after a while (or you'll find new friends).

JodumScrodum · 2015-02-27T03:07:31+00:00

I got the picture when after taking a partner quiz (a quiz I take with someone else) in a class I find extremely easy I put my feet up on a chair and leaned back in my chair, then my partner said that I shouldn't be so cocky. I didn't really know what to say so I sort of joked that I'm a god and gods can be cocky, but I don't know if she actually knew I was joking.

Putting your legs up isn't that bad (it could be just a comfortable position), but calling yourself a god is kind of silly especially in that context. It's hard to say without being there, but if I saw you do that it would have said to me "hey i'm awesome I finished my test quickly look at me and hear me talk about how awesome i am". It seems needy to me and not attractive or confident behavior.

This is my opinion. Cocky isn't always bad. If that is actually how you are and you aren't forcing yourself into this persona (if you are then that is unattractive and not confident behavior), then why worry about it? You shouldn't care what other people think about you. The only opinion of yourself that matters is your own. If you are concerned about coming off as cocky then your confidence clearly isn't all there. If you are truly a confident person underneath then you wouldn't worry about coming off as cocky.

Just realize not everyone like's cockiness, both men and women. Your friend for example who called you out on it. But again their opinions don't matter if you are happy with yourself and are a truly confident individual.

seducemeseddit · 2015-02-27T03:50:00+00:00

Focus more on your real internal self esteem. Not your external presence appearing confident. But focus on getting you on a core level to accept who you really are. Even with your faults.
Speaking of faults, realize you still have a lot. Be pro active and work on them.
Treat others how you wish to be treated.
Allow yourself to have a natural amount of vulnerability. You're not above or past any negative emotion. Sadness, anger, embarrassment, etc. You're not always in your cool and confident zone on the inside. That's ok. Let moments of you not being "alpha" happen. Anyone who's seemingly never vulnerable is fake as fuck.

Fentrix · 2015-02-27T23:08:43+00:00

Appear cocky. I've said some shit that has me looking back at me and going "holy hell, dude" but with a little laugh it always seems a lot better, and women will often call my out on my lack of modesty so I've made a game of that too.

Now there is a difference between people you just met and people you know for a while. No one wants to be around the loud mouth braggart for a long time. You can tone it down and show accomplishments instead around your long term friends. Still with a gf, remain cocky and playful, but also at times vulnerable and serious.

Title	How not to appear cocky?
Author	seducemeseddit
Upvotes	0
Comments	10
Date	February 27, 2015 2:22 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2xb25p/how_not_to_appear_cocky/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-not-to-appear-cocky.1384587 https://theredarchive.com/post/1384587

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