How often should I talk about myself?

avonv · 2012-08-08T03:23:25+00:00

my short answer is never talk about yourself. this is for a few reasons

actions speak louder than words. don't talk about how you are the man, show her with actions that you are.
oftentimes people talk about themselves to try to compensate for something or demonstrate value. problem is, demonstrating value is rarely done through words alone contrary to popular belief. most people can see through this bs
people always say girls just want to talk about themselves, but i don't find that necessarily true. girls just want to talk about whatever interests them.

figure out what she likes and build your convos off of that. simply having a back and forth about who you are, what you do, where you were raised is as dull as it sounds - instead find more strategic ways to reveal these to her.

and if she is just asking you a lot of personal questions up front, i would tell her to back off in a humorous way. there are literally a billion fucking things to talk about if you have some kind of life. the key is to know a lot about a lot and you can improv with anyone

ppppua · 2012-08-08T02:37:26+00:00

You might be a narcissist if "its [sic] never going anywhere if I only talk about her". Either that or you're talking to girls in whom you have no interest anyway.

Either way, instead of trying to follow some rules that people tell you, find a way to have a conversation that both people enjoy. If there are any people with whom you converse (male or female, sexual interest or not) and with whom conversations are interesting to both parties, use those conversation as a reference for how to have an balanced and engaging conversation. The core quality of a good conversation topic is ability to relate. Most of what a person says about themselves they can obviously relate to, though try to frame what you say about yourself in a way that the other person can relate. And learn to be a good listener.

riotingchimps · 2012-08-08T10:45:52+00:00

30 percent of the time

leodoestheopposite · 2012-08-08T02:33:46+00:00

Here's the secret to a great conversation: make her talk.

The conversation will probably go more skewed towards her, and you remain interesting but yet a mystery.

2012-08-08T15:58:36+00:00

As much as you feel like it?

I mean, this is assuming you have basic social calibration. The best conversation flows in the moment. When you have good intuition, there are no strict rules like "you must talk about yourself exactly 30% of the time". In the end, tips and tricks are only tips and tricks.

If you don't have good intuition, then I say hail-Mary it and see what works for you. That makes you learn veeeerrry fast.

themoor · 2012-08-08T10:08:01+00:00

The first issue is what do you want to accomplish in talking to a woman? Well, clearly at first, it's rapport and attraction. To move things further, you need to establish a connection as well. This will make her go from "I like him okay" to "I think he's sexy" to "I could fuck him."

The second issue is that you need to do this with her doing most of the talking and with you not bragging about yourself while demonstrating you are a man of value worthy of destroying her vag.

Here's how to do it. I'll will have to assume there's been some opening and conversation has started (you've not asked about openers, so I'll go with this assumption). You need to get her to discuss/talk about her life, passions, experiences, etc. Not only do women love talking about themselves, but if done correctly you'll start spiking her emotionally. And, yes you are right, you will bore them if you talk about yourself too much.

To do that, if you have an "interview" type of question like, "where you from?" don't leave it with her simple answer. Pick up the slack there with a follow up statement. E.g., "I'm from upstate New York." You: "Really, up in farm country, eh. I'm sure that's a real contrast to the crazy life down in the big city." The point here is you're moving from basic information to a more empathetic and emotional frame and giving her a chance to keep talking but now about how she feels about something.

In the example above, she'll comment about the contrast between the two places about how she prefers the calm and laid back life of country living to the hectic chaos of the city.

Now, time to make a connection. "Yeah, I really like New York City, but only for a few days. It is a crazy place. But I know what you mean. I always feel more relaxed and human when I visit my aunt's farm in Virginia." You've DHV'd a bit (you've been to the greatest city in the world) but also connected with her (like her, you prefer rural life).

Okay, the specifics don't matter. The point is that you have to lead while not talking too much, get her talking more while making her feel both emotions and a connection, all the while demonstrating that you share an experience and have some value.

You can keep doing this for quite a while on many topics. And when she gives you a comment about something she's experienced, here you can follow up her comment with a story about yourself that is similar. Don't make it too long, make sure you use emotional buzzwords, make interesting and preferably funny, and then finish your story quickly and direct the conversation back to her.

I did this last night on a day2 (day1 was sort of "meh") in relation to going to professional conferences, dealing with students, liking to drink beer, and experience with the dating market. Just now up early with an f-close checking out seddit with my morning coffee. Barely slept last night.

Maybe I'll do a FR some time this morning.

Title	How often should I talk about myself?
Author	FulminatedMercury
Upvotes	6
Comments	7
Date	August 8, 2012 2:02 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xuvzy/how_often_should_i_talk_about_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-often-should-i-talk-about-myself.1336996 https://theredarchive.com/post/1336996

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