Everywhere in the world of pickup advice, I hear stuff along the lines of:

“Just have fun”

“Be yourself”

“Expect they already like you”

“Don’t care what anyone thinks about you”

“Your game is a ten”

“Just detach from the outcome”

Etcetera...

I agree that this is the ideal mindset of a pro, but when I enter the field and approach, I find I can’t simply will myself to have a pro mindset. It’s like willing oneself to lose weight with aphorisms alone. When I approach out of state (usually the case), chode-ish behavior just *happens*, like it’s a matter of physics.

RSD Tyler says good game is all about “being” not “doing” (i.e. all about being yourself/natural rather than doing techniques/gambits/etc). This makes sense to me, if you’re already a pro. But hasn’t he already *done* thousands of hours of practice himself?

My only theory is “being” (having inner game) comes from “doing”, and not the other way around. What I wonder is: how do you practice in a way that ensures you develop you into a more confident person, rather than an even more needy/afraid person?

Even shorter: How do you actionably grow/strengthen your frame?