How to stop being the nice guy?

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-03-21T19:13:39+00:00

It’s a false dilema. It’s not about being a nice guy or an asshole.

So called nice guys, aren’t even as nice as they think they are anyways.

It’s about flirting, and behaving like a man, a man who also happens to be attracted sexually to a woman and doesn’t ever hide it, or keep it a secret he is always open about his sexual attraction for the girl.

So called mister nice guys tend to be shy guys, who have a fear of being called a pervert for expressing their sexual desire by the girls they like, and who like to think that they would make great boyfriends and want to prove that to the girl in order to earn her affection.

They think “if i show her how great of a boyfriend i would make… if i do all this nice things for her, i am always there for her when she is crying, or in a vulnerable situation, or if i listen to her problems and give her my advice, or offer to do favours to her… Then eventually sue will realise and come to the logical conclusion that she should want to date me”

Unfortunately for you, that kind of logic doesn’t work like that. You can’t logic your way into a woman’s heart. And women are not vending machines that you put niceness coins until sex comes out.

You are acting like a “close friend”, and that’s the problem. You are not treating her like a woman you want to fuck, she doesn’t even know you want to fuck. You act like a guy who is hiding his penis when he is with the girl.

A guy who never tells her: “Damn, you are so hot right now” or “That smile of yours is making me feel so hot right now, i think i may take you out cutie” or “You are really sexy, when you do that thing 😉”

You don’t say stuff like this to her because you play it safe, you don’t show your sexual attraction to her; no you just hug her and all you tell her is that she has nice eyes or a nice smile.

You never act like she is turning you on, you never act sexual, you never take that risk. This is why you come across as nice guy even though that doesn’t necessarily make you a nice guy.

The idea that if you don’t express your sexual desire for a woman makes you a nice is super flawed and completely fallacious.

If a woman gets so comfortable with you, that she even invites you to sleep in her room because she feels safe that you are not gonna try to make a move as if she thought you were like a gay best friend,… then you have a problem.

A heterosexual girl should feel sexual tension with you, not be so comfortable that she knows or assumes you will not make a move like other guys who according to her “just want sex”…

Well, guess what the girl ends up sleeping with the guys who want sex and they friendzone guys who play it safe and act like their gay best friend who is “too nice” to try to escalate things sexually.

Dodechaedron · 2022-03-21T18:51:31+00:00

Be more assertive with your intentions. Don't try to "nice guy" yourself into a woman's life in hopes of dating and/or sleeping with her. You are not only wasting her time with false intentions, you are wasting your time as well. If you don't value other people's time, at least value yours.

Also, for what it's worth, nothing wrong with being "just friends" with a woman either. Building a good social circle will help your sex and dating life. But obviously you have to be ok with being just friends with her (meaning if she starts dating a dude, you don't get jealous or anything like that).

Penumbra34x · 2022-03-21T19:56:44+00:00

Watch this. Excellent podcast.

https://youtu.be/S3uFCRCocXo

zertsetzung · 2022-03-21T20:16:59+00:00

"How can I stop being this way?"

You are probably giving off mad A-sexual vibes with women. You're playing it too safe. Probably not touching them at all (touching meaning puting your hands on their shoulder or whatever), and you probably dont engage in any sexual banter.

"But Zert, how do I touch women and engage in sexual banter?". Good question. Trial and error. Just do it. Its going to be awkward at first. You are probably going to look foolish. But eventually you will become calibrated with it and it will start to look natural.

Also, try to push for sex a little sooner. Waiting for the 3rd date to have sex is a losers strategy. Try to get it on date 1 or 2 (given of course that date 1 and 2 are a mere days within one another. You obviously dont want to wait until date 2 to fuck a girl if date 2 is like 3 weeks after date 1).

"But Zert, what if I offend her by pushing for sex way too soon?". There is a happy medium for everything. And inorder to find that happy medium you have to go to extremes and fail miserably sometimes. Just, try not to get a restraining order or a sexual harassment case put on you. And remember that no means no. Dont beg, insult her, pressure her, much less try to physically force yourself on her when she indicates she doesnt want it.

Just respect her wishes and leave.

And keep her number in your phone. Its been my experience that when you handle girls rejection to your sexual advances very smoothly, they will sometimes have a change of heart and contact you down the road ready to do the deed, and often times they may even be the one to escalate things towards that, as they now know your intentions.

incognito3107 · 2022-03-22T06:33:48+00:00

Well, you should become more of an "ass" then, and that doesn't of course mean that you should become puppy killer. Girls like if the guy is somewhat cold, aggressive, mysterious, high valued etc. Don't give her an attention and favours "for free", you should leave her a space to pick you up, other way you are just a provider that she can have nothing to do with.

Elegant_Weasel · 2022-03-21T19:36:58+00:00

You don't have to be an ass, you just need to get better at escalating/flirting and being honest about your intentions. If girls keep going cold on you it's because they don't think of you as someone with a sex drive. You have to steadily build tension. Don't be afraid to hold eye contact and emote what you feel, be unapologetic about what you want (actually know what you want first), and in the case of flirting, playfully frame the two of you together. These are still "nice" things. She wants someone to do them or she wouldn't be on a date.

2022-03-21T21:27:47+00:00

Pick up some other qualities. Literally, ANYBODY can be "nice". It's like the easiest thing you can do. You don't have to be an "aggressive ahole". Don't think you have to go completely opposite. Be witty. Have a sense of humor.

mightymite88 · 2022-03-22T15:22:22+00:00

Nice isnt bad. But it's the bare minimum. Be nice. But also be stylish, well groomed, confident, well spoken, and positive

Title	How to stop being the nice guy?
Author	dannbilb123
Upvotes	0
Comments	14
Date	March 21, 2022 6:37 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tjio62/how_to_stop_being_the_nice_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-stop-being-the-nice-guy.1264023 https://theredarchive.com/post/1264023

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