I could use some advice: Someone's got problems with you...

senator_mendoza · 2011-03-29T04:48:29+00:00

Context?

mobsta · 2011-03-29T16:04:10+00:00

I generally try to address it directly and see if I can solve the problem. Speak clearly, slowly, and a little quietly; this indicates that you are calm and in control. Don't give them what they want just because they ask for it loudly, and don't apologize if you aren't in the wrong. Don't try to make them look like a asshole; give them the opportunity to make themselves look like an asshole. If they don't, then things are settled; if they do, then you come out looking good.

That said, sometimes you do need to confront someone directly. In those cases, things are beyond discussion. Order them to leave, move away, or back down, in a low, firm voice.

Also, a trick I learned from one of my friends who works with social work is to get the person's name. Names have a psychological effect on people which gives you a small degree of control over them. I used this recently when I was with a group of people at a pub. We left the pub and I was about to get the number of one of the girls before heading home when an AFC in the group decided to confront me. It went something like this:

AFC: Hey, we're going to a house party right now and you're not invited.

Me: Okay.

AFC: You're not invited. Don't walk with us.

Me: Just a minute.

AFC: Did you hear me? You aren't invited.

Me: What's your name?

AFC: You're not invited. Stop walking with us.

Me: What's your name?

AFC: You don't need to know my name! Why are you still walking with us?

Me: What's your name?

AFC: (sigh) Bryan.

Me: Bryan, let me tell you what I'm going to do, and then we'll see if that's okay with you, alright?

AFC: ...alright.

Me: Bryan, I'm going to walk over to Jessica over there and I'm going to get her phone number, and then I'm going to walk with you guys until X street, where I'll turn off, because that's where I live. Can you put aside whatever issue you have with me until then?

(At this point most of the group is silent and listening, and he realizes that he's coming across as a bit of an asshole).

AFC: Uh... yeah.

Me: Good. I'm gonna do my thing and I'll be out of your hair in a minute.

Jessica: What was that all about?

Me: He didn't want me to go to the house party with you guys, so I had to explain to him that I was about to split off anyway. Mischief managed. (And then I got her number and some kissing.)

RedErin · 2011-03-29T14:17:05+00:00

I recommend leaving people better than when you found them.

2011-03-29T11:55:49+00:00

It depends. If you can live without that person and you think you should then remove the problem from your life. If you have to deal with that person (family, work, etc.) then deal with the problem.

I'm not a confrontational person, I'm diplomatic. I try and deal with people problems by finding some common ground to agree on.

philosarapter · 2011-03-29T20:43:22+00:00

Depends. Can you take them in a fight?

Title	I could use some advice: Someone's got problems with you...
Author	throwaway703
Upvotes	2
Comments	7
Date	March 29, 2011 3:50 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/gdo1w/i_could_use_some_advice_someones_got_problems/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-could-use-some-advice-someones-got-problems-with.1316863 https://theredarchive.com/post/1316863

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