ive pulled a few girls, nothin crazy, but it's pretty consistent that every time i go out with my wings i don't pull and they do. i just got off a call with my seduction teacher, and i decided to go and watch some of his videos. but i just feel like a complete outcast, it feels like everybody around me is getting girls and i just can't. i feel genetically inferior to everyone else. i am deaf so that does not help. i am depressed everyday, and this cold approach pick up used to be my true joy. but now i dread it because i mostly just get rejected anyway. sure i've had sex with a few girls, but it feels meaningless because i haven't had sex with anyone in over 2 months. i cannot see out of my dark hole. i have no job, i can't get a good job, i can't keep a job. i just feel like a big loser and like im going to be a loser forever. I PRed in the gym today, with my dad, on dumbell bench press and deadlifts. but even tho I PRed in the gym i still feel small and weak in my heart. Muscles are meanigless with nobody to hug them and caress them. honestly i haven't even left the house in 3 weeks after getting out of jail, and my dad won't let me go out at night now because my charges are alcohol related. but i want to pull girls at night game, i want to pull girls from daygame, i want to bang the hot blonde models. but the results are just not there, im not even pulling average girls, i feel completely worthless and like my whole life is a waste. im starting to wonder if cold approach pick up is a waste of time. but i know im not going to stop, cuz my wings are pulling, they're funnier than me, they're taller than me. i don't know how to be funny like them but i have to learn how. i also cannot think for myself. anything that requires thinking or inventing new thigns to say inventing new texts to send i cannot do it.

so i started to watch my teacher's videos from his course but somehow i am to the point watching the course videos actually makes me feel worse cuz when i watch the video i just think that im never going to be at my instructor's level and that im never going to learn how to get girls consistently. but my heart longs for women, my heart longs for their touch, to connect with them, to fuck them.