Hey gents.

I met this girl at uni and we were friends for about 2.5 years and we got flirty but I didn't do anything.

Earlier this year I asked her about something she said while working together for the uni. She said she was stressed about a love triangle. I didn't push it because to be honest I was still trying to get traction going. We've had a few exchanges in the time since and I tried to write her off.

Anyway. Flash forward to May this year. I asked her what she meant by love triangle at my birthday party. She said she was attracted to me while still with her boyfriend.

So this is going great. She's super keen and into it. She says she really likes me and even at some point says she loves me. I've never had a girl that I liked say that she likes me back and I get swept up in it.

I went on holiday to the USA and while I was over there she broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years and needed space.

So I give her a week. She texts me once and I leave the exchange short. She texts me a week later saying "you can stop ignoring me now." We meet up and she says she wants to stay single for a while and I'm like yeah I can dig.

We both have an interest in fashion so I offer to take her to Melbourne for a trade show as I work in fashion. To be honest, I know I've had some serious one-itis at this point since I've actually had a thing for her for almost as long as I've known her.

Then the night before the trade show she drops it on me that she isn't interested.

So I get mad and upset. I know I'm showing neediness but quite honestly I'm fucking exhausted. We don't get along for the rest of the next day.

I hadn't spoken to her for two months until tonight. She said she wants to be single and free and wants to go back to how we were before and I agreed that I did too. I really do. But I've read enough to know that this is beyond salvage for any chance of relationship. I'm friendzoned. Hard.

I know I need to move on. I need to forget about it. But I don't know who else to talk to. It's midnight in Australia and I'm so wired off cocaine and upset that I don't know what I can do.

I've ruined a perfectly good friendship. I've blown away my sadness with drugs and prostitutes. I honestly don't know where else to go. I have nobody to talk to. Everyone is sick of me being a miserable cunt.

I want to hear it's workable. I want to hear it's fine. But not talking to her for months has made me miserable and talking to her doesn't make me feel better either. I know I need to stop and back away but two months is a long time. I am a solutions/answers person and not having any is killing me. I know I've been friendzoned and I just want to know I might be able to fix it. But I can't. I don't know where else to go.

This isn't a question. This is just the end of a long downward spiral and I need to get it out of me now before I do any more damage. I loved her and I fucked up so badly. Why won't the hurt stop? I just can't seem to get past it no matter what I do.