If you can't change it...

Stujitsu2 · 2021-09-02T00:37:53+00:00

If you can't change it... It doesn't really matter. I know there are a lot of young guys on here that have not learned to live with themselves...

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Stujitsu2[S] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

If you dwell on what you cannot change you just dump points into your insecurity pool and make yourself less attractive.

We all know women love confidence but courage is 100 times more important. You will be confident when you let go. Its not something you can do or become. Its something you are or are not and it fluctuates.

You will have your confident momentd and your unconfident ones. But courage allows you to take action even if and when you are afraid. It is the ultimate strength quality!

Courage to approach. Ask for a date. Go for the kiss. Try again with the next girl the next job or whatever.

Dating is like sales. You will always hear more no's than yes's. But its the yes's that count.

I can take a salesman with zero skills or persuasiveness and get results by adding two things together, asking for the sale, and asking as many people as possible.

This is the foundation. Now add skill and your odds get better but courage plus numbers is the foundation.

If you can't be tall, handsome, or even confident. Fucking be courageous, that is your choice!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]the-me-an 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link

[–]Stujitsu2[S] -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago* (18 children) | Copy Link

You don't get how demoralizing it is. I'm 6'3,not ugly, I have a hair and skin regimen, I'm in shape, I'm hygienic and groom and I dress really well. I've exhausted all my options in terms of maximizing myself physically. Since I'm black I'm already at a major preemptive disadvantage with most women for reasons I simply can't control. No amout of work can change that. It's already a numbers game and most women won't like me anyway, now the potential pool has shrunk significantly. For someone with low self esteem and approach anxiety that fact alone can be insurmountable.

Lol why mention a guy who is rich and famous? That negates pretty much everything else. If you look like that and you aren't famous, not only is the roster of women possibly into pretty small, you have to be an unbridled beacon of charisma to compensate for being ugly and short. Hell, I'm neither but because of my race I'm going to be in a similar boat to someone who is. How can that not prevent someone from wanting to even waste time approaching women?

[–]Stujitsu2[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

There are women out there, usually white woman, who will ONLY fuck black men. Sure its not common but if you find her you'll hit paydirt. You don't need them all, just one. You are tall, fit. Also what about other black women, do you feel they judge you too?

Pulling lots of women is nice, its fun, sexually gratifying and even "cool". But it usually doesn't satisfy forever. You really truly only need to get it right once. Find one good woman that makes you happy that loves you for you!

If you can get some lays in there before you find her why not?

I mention being rich because its something you can CHANGE! That's important! You are 100 times better off trying to get rich, than trying to be "not black". Lol

Not that you are trying not to be I am just making a point. Instead of telling yourself women won't like you, go find out. Take this on from a place of discovery. Go find some women that dig black guys or, at least, don't have a preference. But shit beyond that you are you! Go find someone who likes YOU!

Know your own level. Sometimes a win is just saying hi or just smiling at a pretty woman. Sometimes its starting a conversation. Sometimes it asking for a date and so on. How many women did you say hi to today?

Others can slow you down. It may be hard. It may take longer than you want. It may take facing rejection but only YOU decide to quit. You decide your own level of involvement towards meeting your goals. What do you want?

[–]thelambofdeth 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

There are women out there, usually white woman, who will ONLY fuck black men. Sure its not common but if you find her you'll hit paydirt. You don't need them all, just one. You are tall, fit. Also what about other black women, do you feel they judge you too?

Firstly, one would have no way of finding women like that without extensive trial and error. Second, I don't want that. It's demeaning af. I don't want some woman who is only fucking me bc of my race. As an experience, or a fetish or whatever. It's dehumanizing. Women are going to judge me, period but I absolutely think black women would do it less. And I don't at all have a racial preference. The issue is most women around my area are white, and I prefer alternative, artsy, weird girls and most of them are white anyway. Hell, the black girls that are alternative usually prefer white men, anway as does literally every race of woman in America.

Pulling lots of women is nice, its fun, sexually gratifying and even "cool". But it usually doesn't satisfy forever. You really truly only need to get it right once. Find one good woman that makes you happy that loves you for you!

If it was that easy this sub wouldn't exist. The issue is if you don't have enough experience before you find the "one" you'll likely botch it for a number of reasons. For many of us even getting one at all proves to be difficult, let alone one you have anything in common with and could actually grow to genuinely care about. It's not easy. at.all.

If you can get some lays in there before you find her why not?

Again, if it was that easy this sub wouldn't be so popular. Some people don't understand how hard it is for other people to get laid.

Not that you are trying not to be I am just making a point. Instead of telling yourself women won't like you, go find out. Take this on from a place of discovery. Go find some women that dig black guys or, at least, don't have a preference. But shit beyond that you are you! Go find someone who likes YOU!

Lol I would love to, but it's not exactly that easy dude. How does one discover them? Where? I'm not attractive enough for OLD and women don't like being cold approached anymore. You're giving these platitudes full of false hope with no actual solutions.

Know your own level. Sometimes a win is just saying hi or just smiling at a pretty woman. Sometimes its starting a conversation. Sometimes it asking for a date and so on. How many women did you say hi to today?

I know my level. My standards are humble af. I don't even look towards hot women or whatever. Average or decent is much more my speed with pretty/cute being the absolute max. I don't have delusional standards. I have approach anxiety and low self-esteem so I don't say hi to too many women lol. Like I alluded to, women don't just want to be approached anymore. It's now deemed invasive, "rude", or "creepy" unless you're a 11/10 model and many women consider it annoying or bothersome. Then combine that with being a 6'3 black guy and it's just scary lol.

Others can slow you down. It may be hard. It may take longer than you want. It may take facing direction but only YOU decide to quit. You decide your own level of involvement towards meeting your goals. What do you want?

I don't condone quitting. At the end of the day you have to try for anything worth having and I understand everyone has it better or worse than someone else. But it is all relative. Its not so much about what I want vs what's allotted to me and logistically, how I could even attain it.

[–]Stujitsu2[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

A woman that fucks you only because you are black is not the same as a woman who only fucks black guys. A woman that likes black guys doesn't mean she has no other standard. But again its not about "women" and "blacks" its about you and them. The irony is that you are generalizing about women just as much as you assume they are generalizing about you being black. The reality is most women are not single. Its the greatest barrier. Yes some women will reject you for a number of reason. Some women reject me because I am short. I have been rejected because I am white or so she said. "I only like chocolate" i was like honey i'm white chocolate. She gave no fucks. Lol

If you like artsy women go to artsy events.

Cold approach to a total random is always hard. I don't do it much. But it can be done. And guys that go out and do it get the best results.

I am glad you are determined not to quit. The most important quality in my opinion is courage. Courage to try. Courage to ask. Courage to try again with someone else. You don't need to be confident to be courageous.

This is a bit ironic but true story. Fat black kid probably late teens. Chinese restuarant. Cute chinese waitress. This kid is like 17. She is probably 27. He says hey, what's your name? Kathy, she replies bashfully. What's your phone number? She is really just shy, doesn't know how to respond to being hit on by young teen. The kids mom is like stop it! You are making her uncomfortable. Quit playing games. He says I don't need game, all you gotta do is ask!

It wasn't a very articulate approach, plus she was too old for him, but he shot his shot. And it was masculine. He went for it! He saw a woman that was attractive to him and he gave no fucks about his race, her race, age difference, how he was gonna be perceived. What his mom thought. What I thought. I wanted to ask her out too! It was eye opening for me. A fucking fat 17 year old had more game than me because he doesn't fucking play games. All you got to do is ask. All you can do is invite someone you think is interesting into your life. When you cut out all bullshit, ALL! It comes down to two things. Courage and numbers. All you gotta do is ask. Thats the foundation. And when you fail you gotta ask someone else.

Now his style is not my style not your style but the kid is not wrong. My friend used to get a pen and paper walk up to girls and say can I get your number? He was shorter than me, I am only 5'6". He had a new woman every week and they were all hot!

He had confidence. He was also handsome despite being a midget. But he was not articulate. He just...asked. He asked with confidence but it was simple. He didn't have a demonstrating higher value routine and shit. He just...shot his shot.

If you don't have courage you don't have anything!

You can tell yourself every excuse in the book. We all do it sometimes. But it comes down to courage. Courage is the solution. It is the ultimate strength quality. You say I don't provide a solution because you want a guarantee. I can't guarantee you wont get rejected even if you practice courage. No one can. But I can guarantee you get nowhere if you don't.

Maybe cold approach is not your style. Maybe your style is going to artsy events. Maybe you get or have already an artsy image idk. Maybe you develop a lot of knowledge about art and artists. Maybe you use that to chat girls up at the art museum. Or not I mean play to your real interests. But you can try something.

But in the end you have to ask. You can blurt it out like the 17 year old. You can confidently hand a woman a pen and paper like my friend and say can I get your number. You can do what I do which is I talk to people when I am feeling social. Not recently but once I walked up to a woman, I said Hi, my name is Stu. I just wanted to meet you. She said my name is Michelle. I literally just stated the obvious and her reaction was positive. I was even a little nervous but I practiced courage.

I usually only ask women out if conversation is good and she seems interested. I like to go to quiet bars. Not dives. Classy bars. The type of bar you go to has a lot to do with the type of people you meet. And just socialize. If things go good I say would you like to have dinner with me next weekend. If she agrees, I say great lets exchange numbers.

Now my approach is more low key. It still requires asking which takes some courage. I really don't often get rejected in this stage because I know when a woman is interested, ready to be kissed and so on. The disadvantage is low numbers. I really only try with women that give genuine buying signals. I can say hi to a woman and see if she is open for conversation or not. But you have to get over the idea that you need to like get a woman to like you. You just need to find a woman who likes you. Also I don't put the cart before the horse. I literally think of it in terms of discovery like. Lets see how she reacts if I say hi! If she seems open, I ask her name. Usually a woman at this point is willing to talk. If we talk at least 5 minutes I probably would ask her to dinner if I am at a bar. Or to grab a drink if not at a bar. If you ask a woman at a bar to grab a drink she thinks you mean now. I ask women only on dates. Not can I get your number. I say lets exchange numbers. If you want to do dinner instead of a drink later or vice versa its fine. Just know where you are taking her. I wait at least 4-5 days to text the first time.

Idk maybe your style is low key like mine. One thing I am sure you have going for you is intellect. You are gonna have to figure out a way to socialize on some level.

[–]thelambofdeth 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

A woman that fucks you only because you are black is not the same as a woman who only fucks black guys. A woman that likes black guys doesn't mean she has no other standard. But again its not about "women" and "blacks" its about you and them. The irony is that you are generalizing about women just as much as you assume they are generalizing about you being black. The reality is most women are not single. Its the greatest barrier. Yes some women will reject you for a number of reason. Some women reject me because I am short. I have been rejected because I am white or so she said. "I only like chocolate" i was like honey i'm white chocolate. She gave no fucks. Lol

Lol that's semantics. If she's only interested bc I'm black, I'm being fetishized. Like that can't be the only reason. It's not so much that I'm generalizing, I'm being logistically. Many of them are racist, and many of them aren't racist but just have a strict preference for their own race. I have to be cognizant of that. Sure, a woman being single is a universal barrier, but race is just another barrier on top of that already massive one. And let's be honest, you're not going to run into many women only into black guys. I have to deal with the inverse MUCH more often. And women are afraid we'll get upset or violent, so she won't say "she doesn't like black guys" she just give a fake number or neve reply.

If you like artsy women go to artsy events

I mean sure, but that doesn't mean I'll meet women there. Many times women are just there for the event, not to meet new people.

Cold approach to a total random is always hard. I don't do it much. But it can be done. And guys that go out and do it get the best results.

I have only heard of just blatantly good-looking guys doing well at cold approaches. Everyone else? Mor so much lol. A lot of flaking, ghosting and fake numbers.

I am glad you are determined not to quit. The most important quality in my opinion is courage. Courage to try. Courage to ask. Courage to try again with someone else. You don't need to be confident to be courageous.

I agree with this sentiment, even if it's easier said than done.

Now his style is not my style not your style but the kid is not wrong. My friend used to get a pen and paper walk up to girls and say can I get your number? He was shorter than me, I am only 5'6". He had a new woman every week and they were all hot!

Ok anecdotally, everyone seems to have a short friend that slays, but there has to be more to this situation. Either he is just very good-looking or there's a mass surplus of hot women in his area. I'm tall, in shape and I dress well, and if I went around asking for numbers I couldn't get a hot girl every month. Hell, not even hot, just a girl in genreal lol. Just bent courageous doesn't make things that easy.

He had confidence. He was also handsome despite being a midget. But he was not articulate. He just...asked. He asked with confidence but it was simple. He didn't have a demonstrating higher value routine and shit. He just...shot his shot.

Ah yes, now it makes sense. Being good-looking makes all the difference. Its much easier to be confident when you have the face.

No one can. But I can guarantee you get nowhere if you don't

I agree with this.

Maybe cold approach is not your style. Maybe your style is going to artsy events. Maybe you get or have already an artsy image idk. Maybe you develop a lot of knowledge about art and artists. Maybe you use that to chat girls up at the art museum. Or not I mean play to your real interests. But you can try something.

Cold approaching isn't conducive to my personality. I'm not good at approaching people I don't know. I have a more reactive personality. I have a legitimate interest in art. From my style and everything. The issue is not just seeing it as an event and talking to women there. It just seems like I'd be bothering them and they wouldn't be interested.

I usually only ask women out if conversation is good and she seems interested. I like to go to quiet bars. Not dives. Classy bars. The type of bar you go to has a lot to do with the type of people you meet. And just socialize. If things go good I say would you like to have dinner with me next weekend. If she agrees, I say great lets exchange numbers.

I agree, the type of bar you go to matters. I used to go to a classy wine bar and I felt much more comfortable now, but bc of covid they close early now and I go to a dive bar and the vibe is totally different. Thing is I'm interested in many of the women there, as trashy, grungy women can also be my type, but they dont seem interested. The issue is commencing a dialogue. If people come to me, I have no issues talking to them, but I can't create it. I can escalate if I notice interest, but literally starting the interaction is the problem for me.

Now my approach is more low key. It still requires asking which takes some courage. I really don't often get rejected in this stage because I know when a woman is interested, ready to be kissed and so on. The disadvantage is low numbers. I really only try with women that give genuine buying signals. I can say hi to a woman and see if she is open for conversation or not. But you have to get over the idea that you need to like get a woman to like you. You just need to find a woman who likes you. Also I don't put the cart before the horse. I literally think of it in terms of discovery like. Lets see how she reacts if I say hi! If she seems open, I ask her name. Usually a woman at this point is willing to talk. If we talk at least 5 minutes I probably would ask her to dinner if I am at a bar. Or to grab a drink if not at a bar. If you ask a woman at a bar to grab a drink she thinks you mean now. I ask women only on dates. Not can I get your number. I say lets exchange numbers. If you want to do dinner instead of a drink later or vice versa its fine. Just know where you are taking her. I wait at least 4-5 days to text the first time.

Idk maybe your style is low key like mine. One thing I am sure you have going for you is intellect. You are gonna have to figure out a way to socialize on some level.

I think my style is similar. I'm very pragmatic and cut and dry. If I were to approach, it would be similar to what you're stating. Guaging interest and escalating it if its there. I wouldn't ask for a dinner or a drink as soon as you and focus more on just the number, but still. Finding a woman who like me is the thing. I look for IOIs and it seems like none of them do. I look for buying signals, don't see any, so I refrain from going up to them.

But yes...just actually socializing is the biggest hurdle, yes also why I need to do most.

[–]Stujitsu2[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Well all the short guys except me seem to think being tall is more important than being confident or good looking and you are tall. Telling me you don't have the confidence to inititiate conversations. Kind of proving my theory. Its a confidence issue

Lol. Like I said I'm 6'3. I'm not even tall and ugly or tall and fat. I legit get people tell me I look like Lenny Kravitz all the time and I'm in pretty good shape and I'm saying height is totally superfluous. A woman is going to take a short, good looking guy over a tall average all the time. I'm sure Tom Cruise would do better than Vince Vaughn lol. I've seen plenty of short guys have far more success than I, but yeah it is mostly a confidence issue.

Most women to most men there will be a lack interest if only for most women being taken, plus the other variables.

That's the issue, for some of us there's more variables. Yeah, her being taken is huge possible barrier in itself, then you shrink that pool significantly when you have to worry about her not being open to you race as well. It just minimizes an already smaller allotment. Then you also have to be attractive enough also...

One reason asking for a date is better I think is its actually the point of getting a phone number. To actually see her again. But you could always experiment.

From my perspective I'd rather set up the date via a text. Idk I feel like asking for the date immediately puts them on the spot, but I'm sure it varies.

If you could waive a wand and be able to comfortably approach anyone, anywhere, anytime without loosing your center, would you?

Ofc lol. Who wouldn't?

[–]Stujitsu2[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Appropriate_Ad3327 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]gimmeadvice_x 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]gimmeadvice_x 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]thelambofdeth 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]gimmeadvice_x 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Stujitsu2[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Btw when I said your level I meant your level of comfort interacting with a total stranger. Not your standard for women physically. I look at it in terms of openness. Yours then hers.

So for example your openness. Can you say hi to a stranger. Check. Can you say hi to a woman. Check. Hot woman. Check. Can you ask for her name. Can you converse. Can you ask her to dinner. Exchange numbers. Text her and plan a date. Tell if she is interested. Go for a kiss. That's your level.

Her level:

I say Hi she says Hi. (I would reply what's your name?)

I say Hi she ignores me. (I would keep walking)

I say Hi, she says "Hi' I'm Kiera". (I would say you're bubbly, or some shit)

The reason I bring this up even though its retarded simple is I am looking for openness. Two examples were open one closed. One very open. But all I had to do was say hi. Advance when the way is open. Retreat when its not. I don't think: how do I make this woman like me. I use hi as a tool to see who is open for conversation. And conversation to see who is open for a date and so on.

[–]Appropriate_Ad3327 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]craniumbash 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Tired of hearing that shit in all honesty. I'm 6'2" and face the same problem with approaches as someone 5'7". Maybe where you're from it's the thing about height but around here it's about skin color.

Tried that as a social experiment on bumble and tinder with a good looking local lad (say at least 7/10) and a funny profile vs a 5.5/10 white guy (pics taken from Twitter) and the result were crazy. The local guy got 5-6 messages while the white guy profile got 30+ messages. (Also the profile didn't have much, just 'hi my name is ****' and in the height I deliberately put 5'7").

Every place has its own issues. In conclusion, if you're having problems and you're white go on a trip to any asian country (that means everything on the Asian continent including some Middle eastern countries) you'll be surprised how easy it is.

[–]Stujitsu2[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Appropriate_Ad3327 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]craniumbash 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Appropriate_Ad3327 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Stujitsu2[S] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]rordog28 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]4025808 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Stujitsu2[S] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]4025808 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Stujitsu2[S] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Appropriate_Ad3327 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Stujitsu2[S] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GordonGecko69 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	If you can't change it...
Author	Stujitsu2
Upvotes	33
Comments	36
Date	September 2, 2021 12:37 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/pg6wjm/if_you_cant_change_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/if-you-cant-change-it.1276998 https://theredarchive.com/post/1276998

Comments