This is the biggest mistake that I see in men when they do approaches is this: They take the rejection PERSONALLY.

You see the main difference between me now, and me before, is I don’t take rejections personally. Now I understand, easier said than done. It takes TIME. But I will say this, this is the biggest sticking point that most guys have in meeting women and improving their dating life.

Think about when you’re in a good mood, when you’re with your boys at a party. You’re having a good time, you are the life of the party, you don’t care what people think and you’re just enjoying life. You walk up to a girl, and you say hi, and she rejects you. What goes through your head?I’ll tell you what goes through mine, wow she doesn’t realize how cool I am yet, shell notice soon enough. And funny enough, if this were a real situation, eventually she would probably apologize or try to join in on the fun, or at the very least, look over a thousand times, trying to get your attention. But more than likely, if you’re in a good mood, and you’re coming with that mindset, people will open up to you anyways.

You have to be in abundance.

Now let’s take away your boys. It’s just you now. And you just got off work. And you’re in an overly logical mood, which scares away most girls, but you can’t turn it off because you’ve been working all day. You want to go talk to a girl. But your mood is unstable. One rejection and you know it’s gonna hurt. You hesitate. You don’t know what to say. You don’t even really wanna approach, part of you would much rather go home and watch tv. That’s what 99% of other guys do. Approaching strangers is scary.. until it’s not.

You see approaching strangers, takes an enormous amount of empathy for others. You have to understand what someone else is feeling and going through and think less about what you think. So when you walk up to a random girl, trying to flirt, and she isn’t immediately receptive, what goes on in my head is this:

She’s either scared, annoyed, uninterested or skeptical. Whatever it is, HOW CAN I OFFER VALUE TO HER DAY. Sometimes, I see that the approach is not going anywhere ever. It’s done, she’s not having it, I can see it in her eyes, she is tired of guys hitting on her. By the way this rarely happens, because most men don’t even approach. But just as a theory, let’s say that is her response. The first thing I do, is back the fuck up, I say sorry, have an amazing day. Sometimes, one of my favorite lines right now: I just wanted to say you’re beautiful, and I say it in a way that implies that’s ALL I wanted to say, and I’m about to walk away. This almost always puts a smile on her face.

You should be walking up, with one intention. ADD VALUE.

The problem with guys, is we are so outcome dependent. You know you’re in a good space with approaching and game, when your only intention is to have a great conversation and connect with a girl.

When you take away the outcome, the rejections almost become funny. It’s easy to laugh at it. And that my friends, is the secret. You have to laugh. You HAVE TO LAUGH. You CANNOT take the approach seriously. Yes it’s scary, yes it hurts to get rejected, yes you will get rejected. But the sooner you can make it funny the better. Guys I run into girls who don’t even smile. They literally don’t even talk. They are PISSED. Absolutely furious, and honestly, the more I do this, the more I realize that they are just having a bad day. Because I can do an approach 1 minute after and the girl is smiling and all over me. You have no control over how someone reacts to you, but you ultimate control over your own mental state.

Now when you first start approaching, it’s important that you get into a flow state and build momentum. It’s hard at first. You have to get the first few rejections out of the way, you just have to walk up and approach.

But after 3 or 4, it doesn’t even sting anymore, it literally just becomes a game. The biggest sticking point for guys is not being able to approach. And that is because of the fear of rejection. Its kind of like someone who doesn’t want to jump in the pool because of the cold water But it only takes a few minutes till it’s warm again. You simply have to rip the band aid off, do a couple approaches and make sure you laugh at yourself if you get rejected. You cannot take yourself seriously.

Thanks for reading, I wrote this exclusively for Reddit. If you want to learn more, feel free to private message me with any questions I’d you wanna chat.

I am a creator who focuses on self development, dating and confidence. I also have a passion for travel and adventure.