She looked at me like I was crazy.

The beautiful Colombian girl standing in front of me couldn’t believe what I was saying to her. Let’s call her Isabella.

After an amazing string of dates, we were right on the edge of taking it to the next level.

That level. (I’m sure you know what I mean)

I told her I couldn’t do it.

I knew that if we ended up having sex I would have to break it off sometime shortly after that.

How would I look then?

I explained to her how I wasn’t ready to go there with her just yet because I’d had some bad experiences I was still getting over.

It was excruciating.

She gave me a confused look. Argued with me a little bit. Claimed I had been deceiving her the whole time. Maybe unintentionally I had been.

But I’d never purposely lied about my intentions.

I’d known better than that.

The truth about manipulation

The truth is that you can use manipulation to seduce a woman.

You can act aloof to stir up her interest.

You can hide your feelings to give an illusion of mystery.

You can give her the idea that you have tons of options even though you have none.

As long as you play them off well, this stuff will work.

But here’s the catch:

When the facade collapses (and it will) the damage will be 30x worse.

You’re mortgaging your future.

You’re reaping short term rewards with no concern for the future backlash.

Think of yourself as a Wall Street trader. The manipulation and deceit you use are the loans that cause the real estate bubble.

Her realizing what you’re up to is the bubble bursting.

If I’d lied and went through with it with Isabella, her confusion would’ve likely mushroomed into a string of angry voicemails and a punch in the eye.

I’ve been through that.

And if I were you---I’d avoid it at all costs.

Truthful seduction

Seduction itself is not toxic. Manipulation is toxic. Deceit is toxic.

Hiding your feelings and intentions slowly poisons the well of a relationship.

Overtly lying about them poisons it right off the bat.

So what’s the solution?

What does truthful seduction actually look like and why should you care?

You should care because it leads to relationships that actually mean something.

Ones that are built on trust. Where you’ll want to confide in each other.

And it leads to the mind-blowing sex you fantasize about.

All that only comes after true connections are made.

When she trusts you deeply enough to open herself completely.

As a result of honesty. In your words and actions.

It can be by telling her that you’re really interested in getting to know her better rather than concocting a bullshit excuse to see her again.

Saying “I really want to kiss you right now” instead of waiting around for the “perfect” moment.

Telling her you think she’s incredible instead of pretending not to be too impressed by her.

Expressing desire honestly like this is incredibly attractive to a woman.

To illustrate:

“Women don’t light candles and lay in their bathtubs masturbating to a mortgage and a white picket fence. Psychologists’ new conclusion is that female arousal is somewhat narcissistic in nature. Women are turned on by being wanted, by being desired. - Mark Manson”

Where honesty comes in

Being bold and honest is the quickest way to show her you want her. That you desire her.

It’s a way to shortcut all the games and get straight to the point. A way to find out exactly how she feels about you without having to spend time and effort deciphering the clues.

You’ve probably been there before. I know I have.

Thinking things like:

What did she mean by that text?

She told me to meet her out but she was talking to other guys. Does that mean she’s not interested?

Would she ever hook up with me or does she just see me as a friend?

It can be so frustrating.

Being honest and direct does away with all these annoying scenarios. Eviscerates the uncertainty.

Tell her how you feel. See how she reacts.

Where it goes from there is her choice.

You’ve done your part.